been with MM 3 years but he still wont get divorced! Is this a red flag?
Hi
I'm new to the forum and was hoping to get a bit of advice. My MM and i have been together 3 years now. He "left" her about 2 years ago, but will not divorce her and I dont know why...and either does he! His kids are grown, so its not about that. He swears to me he doesn't want to ever be with his wife again. He has asked me to stop pressuring him to divorce her, but I'm starting to get pissed!! Is this a red flag? Should i leave him because he'll never leave her? Have any of you experienced the same thing? He says he's been working on it slowly, and he has, but for god sakes, its been almost 2 years now since he left her. What could be the hold up? What would you all advise?
It is for a financial reason for sure...
If one of them die...the other gets the estate, along with the children.
I know some people who separated, they are both dating but never want a commitment with someone else and they want the mother or father of their kids to get the estate (along with the children).
Why is it such a bid deal for you? Are you planning on marrying?
__________________ "Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution yet" - Mae West
Well, they own a business together, but he told me they've already separated everything accordingly. So i don't think that is the issue. But i dont know.
Cairo,
Hello. You can click on my screen to read my whole situation with my s/o.
We've been together for 7 years & living together for a little over 5 years.
He's not divorced yet. The marital assets are divided, bills cleared & he pays voluntary child support for his daughter. Just no divorce.
No red flag is raised from it.
TF
If he has a lot of assets and property to split up, he may figure he stands to lose more by divorcing than he does by not divorcing. It could be a feeling of responsibility toward his wife to take care of her (ie - feeling guilty, so he tries to assure that her lifestyle is not disrupted any further than he already disrupted it by having an affair and leaving).
__________________ No man chooses evil because it is evil; he only mistakes it for happiness, the good he seeks. --Mary Wollstonecraft
If he has a lot of assets and property to split up, he may figure he stands to lose more by divorcing than he does by not divorcing. It could be a feeling of responsibility toward his wife to take care of her (ie - feeling guilty, so he tries to assure that her lifestyle is not disrupted any further than he already disrupted it by having an affair and leaving).
yes, we do live together. I dont think it is a sense of responsibility he feels. Like i mentioned before, they've already split everything up, amicably i might add. I know he is in no hurry to gt married again, and i am not rushng him. i'm in no hurry either, but i would just like to know that my man is not with another woman. I'm not sure why it bothers me...mayhbe because he can't answer the question either?
Cairo,
Hello. You can click on my screen to read my whole situation with my s/o.
We've been together for 7 years & living together for a little over 5 years.
He's not divorced yet. The marital assets are divided, bills cleared & he pays voluntary child support for his daughter. Just no divorce.
No red flag is raised from it.
TF
TF....you can honestly tell me this doesn't bother you? What if you wanted to marry him?
I'm not sure what would be keeping him from going through the divorce, unless he simply doesn't want to have to deal with the cost including court costs and alimony. Perhaps he sees his marriage as having no bearing or consequence for his relationship with you, and has a 'if it ain't broke, don't fix it' attitude toward it.
I don't buy that he 'doesn't know' why he is still married on paper. He knows, he just chooses not to share that information with you. I can't help but to wonder what his rationale is. I know that I would not want to build a life with someone, knowing that someone else is entitled to half of the life we build together. Do you think he could see it from that standpoint?
I'm not sure what would be keeping him from going through the divorce, unless he simply doesn't want to have to deal with the cost including court costs and alimony. Perhaps he sees his marriage as having no bearing or consequence for his relationship with you, and has a 'if it ain't broke, don't fix it' attitude toward it.
I don't buy that he 'doesn't know' why he is still married on paper. He knows, he just chooses not to share that information with you. I can't help but to wonder what his rationale is. I know that I would not want to build a life with someone, knowing that someone else is entitled to half of the life we build together. Do you think he could see it from that standpoint?
Funnything is, they've already split everything without lawyers or anything. All they really need to do issighn the papers!
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"Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution yet" - Mae West
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