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Ironiy. I got what i prayed for
Something struck me today after watching 'Evan Almighty' (good movie, some was a bit far fetched but it made up for it in other ways, i encourage you to watch it if you havn't already though! it has some good messages in it)
Just before you read, i'd like to mention that this makes me think about Alanis Morisettes "isnt it ironic" song!
"you have ten thousands spoons when all you need is a knife, meeing the man of your dreams then meeting his beautiful wife" how about "asking for strength but at the cost of a breakup!
It goes like this...
Densel Washington who played God said to Evan (who was struggling with what life God had dealt him)
"Let me ask you something. If someone prays for patience, you think God gives them patience? Or does he give them the opportunity to be patient? If he prayed for courage, does God give him courage, or does he give him opportunities to be courageous? If someone prayed for the family to be closer, do you think God zaps them with warm fuzzy feelings, or does he give them opportunities to love each other?"
That turned on a lightbulb for me.
At the start of the year and onwards i couldn't understand why i couldnt just cope as well as the others who where in my life. In despair and angst and lonliness i asked for strength. If anything i needed the inner strength i once had, and some! I felt so weak emotionally and physically from the previous 12 months of being sick and being ripped apart from my girlfriend who had to dispear to look after her nanna on and off, that without realising i had labelled myself as weak i lived up to that role.
After this time, a few months later, i found myself in what felt like a nightmare. She left me. The worst time of my life, and i know this statement can be said loosly, which a lot of people use it as, but really it was THE most worst time of my life. Took the cake in ****tiest year of Jminas life. =)Little did i know, or more correctly, acknowledge and accept, that change comes from the most pivotal times in your life. If you have experienced a pivotal time, there are sure to be lessons learned, and tools gained.
Now i am on the other side of it. I got through it, and i have come out of it with something new, something that i asked for months ago. The inner strength that i lacked. I have found the person i was before, and more. I have grown so much. I now know that if i was to go through something, i am strong enough to come out of it with lessons well learned.
looking back, i would never choose to go through it again, but crazy enough i don't wish that it never happend. A part of me thinks that it's actually pretty cool that my prayer was answered. I wouldn't wish it apon ANYONE to go through hardships, no matter what the problem is, but if you are there is probably something you can find from it, maybe you asked for it and didnt realise you now have a blessing in disguise. An added bonus if you can use your pain to help others in need, then it wasnt a complete tragedy either.
Last edited by Jmina; 15th October 2007 at 11:12 AM.
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