it has been my recent experience that men from other cultures have recently been taking and interest in me but really wanting women from their own cultures underneath. does it matter if a person is from the same culture or not?it seems like at first it doesn't matter but later it does. does anyone have any opinion on this matter and should i date men who are only from my own culture, who can only speak my language and know my cultural preferences?

[midori]

You don't say where you are living -- I'll assume here that you're living in the U.S. That being the case you may have part of your answer: the foreign men who pursue you are living in America -- who else are they going to date? Expatriate communities can be pretty small, in some places there may well not be a community of fellow-nationals at all. So that's the first, obvious answer. Then there are other possibilities: that they're fascinated with American culture and all things American (which would explain why they came); that they're trying to get a green card and would like to marry an American in order to do so (a rather paranoid view, but it's possible); or ... that they like you!

What are you doing, incidentally, that unexpectedly brings you into contact with lots of foreign men all of a sudden?

You say that it becomes apparent to you that these foreign men really want someone from their own culture. Maybe that's true, or maybe they just have assumptions about how women and/or relationships are that are typical of their culture but which they are willing to re-examine if you bring it up. If a man -- foreign or American -- has rigid expectations that aren't in line with who you are and what you want then there's no point in pursuing anything with him. If you meet someone whose differences you find interesting, and you find that you and he are in sync in the ways that are important to you, then why not give it a try?

I don't think there's a general prescription for this, it can only be judged case-by-case. Even if you dated a French guy and the two of you got along wonderfully until he moved back to Paris, a different French guy might be a completely different story. As all people are different. The only thing that would suggest making a general rule is if you yourself aren't comfortable with the idea of dating a non-American. If you're not, then don't!

it has been my recent experience that men from other cultures have recently been taking and interest in me but really wanting women from their own cultures underneath. does it matter if a person is from the same culture or not?it seems like at first it doesn't matter but later it does. does anyone have any opinion on this matter and should i date men who are only from my own culture, who can only speak my language and know my cultural preferences?

i think a lot of the attraction is the cultural differences, which are quite often obvious in our personalities, and also seeing if a person lives up to a certain stereotype of a particular culture.

when i went overseas a couple of years ago, i'd never had so many guys approach me as they did when they found out i'm aussie. i was followed around oktoberfest *all night* by a bunch of german and italian guys who wouldn't leave me alone until they had their photos taken with me (with my camera too!!!???) a bunch of guys in prague pulled the same trick on me at the powder tower. heck...that never happens to me at home!!!

i think a lot of it also has to do with travelling in general. when you're travelling, you feel on top of the world, and you have the opportunity to meet so many great foreign people. i just love meeting foreigners and learning about them and their lifestyles.

oh....and an accent does it for me every time!

thanks for your response it makes sense to me and also for your understanding and sharing.

i think a lot of the attraction is the cultural differences, which are quite often obvious in our personalities, and also seeing if a person lives up to a certain stereotype of a particular culture. when i went overseas a couple of years ago, i'd never had so many guys approach me as they did when they found out i'm aussie. i was followed around oktoberfest *all night* by a bunch of german and italian guys who wouldn't leave me alone until they had their photos taken with me (with my camera too!!!???) a bunch of guys in prague pulled the same trick on me at the powder tower. heck...that never happens to me at home!!! i think a lot of it also has to do with travelling in general. when you're travelling, you feel on top of the world, and you have the opportunity to meet so many great foreign people. i just love meeting foreigners and learning about them and their lifestyles. oh....and an accent does it for me every time!

thanks for your response. it also makes sense to me. i am living in the U.S. in the tri state area. i think your suggestion of discussing this with the person is excellent. i agree with your that there may be many possibilities and i appreciate your sharing your opinion on this. i'm not sure i am doing anything in particular that brings me in to contact with lots of foreign men, it may be that i have a "foreign" look myself. i have a multiplicities of heritages. what i am struggling with is i am being compared to the women from the other cultures. for example american woman are too strong not like the women from the particular culture or women from my culture stay at home and all american woman want is money (smile)i like your suggestions of determining if we have things in sync or not or not pursuing, the other question is where does my interest lie if i am also interested in men from other cultures than my own, maybe it has to do with intrigue, learning about others but really realizing that we are all the same except for the language or cultural preferences which we might have. i agree with you as well can't say all american woman are alike just like can't say every non-american is alike.

my difficulty is with why "foreign men" if given the option might date a women from their culture is here, but choose to date an american woman. this is bringing the question to the extreme but is it a sex thing, and the stereotype that american woman are more free, just a thought what do you think?

You don't say where you are living -- I'll assume here that you're living in the U.S. That being the case you may have part of your answer: the foreign men who pursue you are living in America -- who else are they going to date? Expatriate communities can be pretty small, in some places there may well not be a community of fellow-nationals at all. So that's the first, obvious answer. Then there are other possibilities: that they're fascinated with American culture and all things American (which would explain why they came); that they're trying to get a green card and would like to marry an American in order to do so (a rather paranoid view, but it's possible); or ... that they like you! What are you doing, incidentally, that unexpectedly brings you into contact with lots of foreign men all of a sudden? You say that it becomes apparent to you that these foreign men really want someone from their own culture. Maybe that's true, or maybe they just have assumptions about how women and/or relationships are that are typical of their culture but which they are willing to re-examine if you bring it up. If a man -- foreign or American -- has rigid expectations that aren't in line with who you are and what you want then there's no point in pursuing anything with him. If you meet someone whose differences you find interesting, and you find that you and he are in sync in the ways that are important to you, then why not give it a try?

I don't think there's a general prescription for this, it can only be judged case-by-case. Even if you dated a French guy and the two of you got along wonderfully until he moved back to Paris, a different French guy might be a completely different story. As all people are different. The only thing that would suggest making a general rule is if you yourself aren't comfortable with the idea of dating a non-American. If you're not, then don't!