Dating an recovering Heroin addict?

dkny27 · 5th September 2007, 12:15 PM

A friend of mine just came home from rehab. He was in for using Heroin. I think he had been using for at least 2 years. He was living with his girlfriend and son at the time, so I never really saw him. He's only been home for a week and has been sober for 45 days. We hung out at my house with some friends a few nights ago and it was good to see him. He sent me an e-mail asking me if I wanted to spend more time with him and see where it might go. I would like too...but he just started his recovery. I am concerned about relapses. He goes to NA meeting all the time, has a sponser and all that, but do you think he's able to be in a relationship? Any advice would be helpful.

KenzieAbsolutely · 5th September 2007, 1:17 PM

i think they usually tell people in recovery that they should wait some amount of time before they get themselves involved with someone else. i could be wrong, but i have been told that that is the case.

i think you should be thinking more about yourself and if YOU are ready for a relationship that may involve his predisposed issue, including, but not limited to, a relapse if he has one, which you already know is not a far-off possibility.

i am not calling him a lost cause, but quitting anything is not easy, and you should be prepared, if you decide to date him, for the problems that may arise because they become YOUR problems then too.

tread carefully. please let us know how this goes.

dkny27 · 17th September 2007, 6:06 PM

Thanks for your reply. I appreciate any advice on the subject. I thought they told them to wait a little while too.

I decided to give it a try. My friends that know him as well as I do are all for it, but they said just to be careful. He's pretty serious about staying clean, which is awesome. He just got his 60 day keychain. So we are taking it one day at a time. I have discussed all my concerns with him and everything looks good right now. Hopfully it will stay that way.

whichwayisup · 17th September 2007, 11:48 PM

TAKE IT SLOW and shield your heart. He also may not be able to handle anything serious right now, so keep that in mind.

One thing to think about is, asking him (if you do think about having sex with him at some point in the future) to take a blood test for STD's. Who knows if he shared needles or had unprotected sex during those 2 years of doing drugs...So, you need to just be aware..

I hope it works, just don't be devastated if he slips...

BE a positive influence on him and make sure he isn't in contact with any of his friends who he did drugs with in the past.

dkny27 · 24th December 2007, 2:49 PM

so everything was going great till he took a saboxin (can't spell) last night from his ex. I don't really know what that does but he admitted he took one a few weeks ago and promised me the night before he wouldn't do it again, and then took one last night when he dropped his son off. He tried to lie to me when I noticed he was acting a little strange, but then told me the truth that he had taken one, and broken his promise to me. He said he felt really really bad and kept telling me he was sorry. He went to a meeting today, which makes me feel a little bit better but now I feel like I can't trust him, and I am always going to worry that when he drops off or picks up his son then he will just take her meds.

polywog · 24th December 2007, 5:49 PM

That's tough. I dated a recently sober heroin addict several years ago. When we started our relationship, I was not aware that he'd only been sober for a few weeks, and was not attending NA meetings. He was not my stereotype of a junkie; he was a smart well-educated Jewish boy who's family worked at Harvard, so I was shocked when he admitted it to me about a month into our relationship.

At my request, he attended NA meetings but soon stopped. He then began acting erratic and stopped calling or seeing me out of the blue, making excuses that he was busy working on his writing and grad school applications when I called him on it.

I think he either began using again, or struggling with wanting to, or just couldn't handle an intimate relationship because of all the recovery he was attempting. In any case, he withdrew and stopped contact without explaining, and it hurt me like hell.

I don't mean to go on about myself, but that's my story, and I would Never get involved again with someone working on early sobriety, even if the intentions are good. I just think there has to be focus on recovering one's self for a while. Relationships really are a distraction when you're in the early stages.

Good luck to you, whatever happens.