Hi, everyone. I'm in a serious relationship for a year now, and recently we have been talking about marriage. I am just curious about what everyone's opinions of prenups are. My boyfriend told me he would want a prenup, which surprised me, because I don't want one. So what does everyone think? Did you use one, or do u wish you had?
Oh by the way, we are both in our mid 20's and neither of us have any assests as of right now, nor will we probably have any when we get married in a few years.
It's your old pal here ! Sounds like things are better if you guys are talking about marriage but that the ...over-thriftiness is still an issue.
A pre nup is to protect your assest you have going in to the marriage like properties, businesses and protects kids from other relationships. I don't really see a point in YOU two having one ! Did he say what he was going to put in the pre-nup ?
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Prenups are nothing more than a safety net. IMO, a person who presently has no assets but wants one has no faith in the marriage lasting. Your BF still wants the separation between YOU on the one hand, and HIM on the other. Seeing as y'all have no assets right now and wouldn't upon getting married, it sounds like he doesn't really care about building a future together, because he's still very focused on what HE would get out of it if it didn't work out.
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Well, during the conversation I was a little surprised because we had never discussed it. SG, I too asked him if he thought our marriage wouldn't work and thats why he would want one. He said no, thats not the case, that he loves me so much and he doesnt think we would need it, but so things would end up "fair" in case something happened. He even said thaIt we could just say that we wanted to split things 50/50 instead of one person getting more than the other. He could tell I was upset and he told me like 20 times in a row that he loved me like crazy, but he likes the insurance.
I've been thinking this over all day, and talked to my dad. He said actually a prenup would be in MY favor because I will inherit all my parents assests (beach home, money, investments, ect.) His parents however are terrible with money and are almost bankrupt so he won't get anything from them. So my dad was actually shocked he even wanted a prenup, being that it would benefit me more than him. I don't know what the heck to think!
Well, during the conversation I was a little surprised because we had never discussed it. SG, I too asked him if he thought our marriage wouldn't work and thats why he would want one. He said no, thats not the case, that he loves me so much and he doesnt think we would need it, but so things would end up "fair" in case something happened. He even said thaIt we could just say that we wanted to split things 50/50 instead of one person getting more than the other. He could tell I was upset and he told me like 20 times in a row that he loved me like crazy, but he likes the insurance.
I've been thinking this over all day, and talked to my dad. He said actually a prenup would be in MY favor because I will inherit all my parents assests (beach home, money, investments, ect.) His parents however are terrible with money and are almost bankrupt so he won't get anything from them. So my dad was actually shocked he even wanted a prenup, being that it would benefit me more than him. I don't know what the heck to think!
"Insurance"? This isn't about a potential car accident or flood or getting cancer - this is about a relationship that you build TOGETHER.
It's my understanding that your dad is actually incorrect. I'm not positive about the testamentary laws in your state, but generally speaking inheritances are not split between a couple when they divorce. Your inheritance is separate property - all yours. The only way he'd get it is if you died without a will - a prenup has no effect.
It's my understanding that your dad is actually incorrect. I'm not positive about the testamentary laws in your state, but generally speaking inheritances are not split between a couple when they divorce. Your inheritance is separate property - all yours. The only way he'd get it is if you died without a will - a prenup has no effect.
Okay, I need to kinda correct myself. You're in PA, right? I believe they follow the "equitable division" principle, which is about "fairness."
As for the inheritance, he actually would be entitled to a portion of the amount of the increase in value to whatever you inherit. So if you inherit the home, and it increases in value $100,000 during your marriage, you'd have to find a way to put $50,000 in the column titled "what he gets" without a prenup. You could, of course, off-set this with other items - you'd get the summer home now valued at more, and he'd get the marital home valued at less...or whatever, I'm not the accountant. But yes, if you believe in a safety net, it seems would behoove you to sign one and would be to his detriment.
But get a lawyer to draft one for you!!
Last edited by Star Gazer; 27th August 2007 at 8:33 PM..
Make sure that you both have different lawyers as well.. some states require it if it is to hold up in court.. New Jersey for example one of the 3 or 4 legal requirements that it must pass is that each must have their own and separate attorney representing them or it will be null and void in court..
and don't use a divorce attorney.. use a contract attorney that does prenups and has a CPA background.
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Yeah, we are in PA. I really don't care about having a prenup or not. I don't ever want to get divorced so I don't even see the need to. I don't know what my bf is thinking. The comment about liking to have "insurance" bugged me and he knows it did. I told him that all the insurance he would ever need would just be that I love him and want to be with him forever. He said ok, and he said he cant make me sign it and he understood. Thats how we left things, and i havn't brought it up. He argued that we shouldn't be talking about this right now because we are a few years away from being married, but I disagree. We eventually just dropped it, and I'm debating about talking about it again.
Here's I'll see it if someone asked me to sign one:
He says: I want to sign a prenup.
I see it as: I need you to sign one because I don't think we'll last and when we divorce, it will be a smooth transaction and I don't have to worry about getting screwed. Doesn't trust us enough to say together.
I know others on here don't but that's how I see it.
I personally think your BF is already showing a side of himself that might make you second guess going into this marriage.
If he has no assets then why try and protect something that doesn't exsist ?..
If he is looking for you to sign away all rights to any marital assets then I would suggest that both you and your father take any prenup to an attorney.. having your Dad with you could help you with understanding what your BF would be trying to get you to sign away.
I think you need to explore this further with your BF.. He brought it up and working thru this could be beneficial to you and show you how he is willing to work on problems when they arise.
have you thought about the possibility that he is just taking/listening to the wrong advice from someone he knows ?
He is young, like yourself and he might be taking this advice from someone and he really doesn't understand how to apply to his own life... or even if he should..
Bringing up a prenup at this stage in your life when you neither had had and don't have any assets is really a dumb, self defeating move..
He is risking losing you over something that someone told him he needed...
In the 20's when most couples don't have assets does not mean they won't have assets in the future.
It is quite possible that one of you two may stand to inherit or have ambitious goals. There are couples who divorced and it did not end up financially amicable. A prenup can actually help divy up the assets later on in case there is a divorce. Like divorce laws, a prenup is subject to certain state laws. If you two move the laws may change on you.
It is good to discuss things.
I would suggest going to a lawyer who specializes in prenups in the current state you live in. also is there any talk of moving in the near future?
I'd say your boyfriend doesn't know how pre-nups work and thinks that they cover anything he earns during the marriage too.
Obviously, he thinks his earning potential is far higher than yours.
Pre-nups are a great idea if you have assets as you just never know how people and life can change... but if you have no assets, it's just a needless headache.
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Art Critic- yeah I think someone gave him the idea too. He said that "everyone gets prenups." Nobody I know has ever gotten one, but I'm thinking he got this from someone he works with. I guess as accountants they all probably have experience, and I'll bet some guy he works with told him to get a prenup so he doesn't get screwed over.
Jerbear- yep, you are right, he doesnt want to get screwed if we end up getting divorced. I mean, yeah we don't have any assests right now, but i'm sure when we are married we will acquire some and he said he wants it to be divided fairly (meaning he doesnt want me to take him to the cleaners probably).
We have discussed a little about moving in together possibly next summer. I am completing my masters degree and will be done in May, so when i come home next summer we were thinking about possibly me moving in with him. We didn't make any decisions, and are going to talk about it more over the year. I honestly don't want any part of this prenup. I don't want to sign it. It's just confusing that he says he loves me and doesnt want or see us getting divorced, but yet there is always a chance that it will. Those are his exact words, and they are confusing the heck out of me.
Enema-yeah his earning potential is way higher than mine, he's a CPA and i'm going to be an addictions counselor. So he will always make a lot more than i will.
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