[coffee_addict]

hey all

this is my first relationship, went out with the guy for a month and a half and got scared, then broke up for a month or so, then started going out again, currently have been going out for nearly a month.

hes the nicest guy in the world, is happy just being with me, not doing anything, never has had any money to do anything so if ive wanted to do something (go to the cinema, or something similar) ive had to lend him some or all of the money. Sometimes we never end up doing anything because i dont want to lend him the money for it. When we've gone out, ive felt bad coz he cudnt afford a drink, so ive bought him one, stuff like that, and when he comes to my house (we're both 18/19) he always gets food, but when i go to his i never get any.

Now he has a job, but still has the attitude that if i go 'id really like to go see this at the cinema', or 'i'd really like to go here' but i cant afford it, he'll go 'oh we'll wait till u have money then, you can come to mine if u want, thats free, so we can still see each other '
So basically, he never takes the iniative to go 'dont worry, i'll pay for you' - im not saying hes sponging off me, or using me, but i just would like him sometimes to pay for me for stuff, now that he has money and i dont.
he really is so nice, spent like £30 on the train coming to visit me at uni, and things like that, but i just wish he wud offer to pay for things sometimes.

Its my grandmas 80th birthday at the weekend and we're having a big family meal with my aunties/uncles/cousins, and hes invited, and hes getting a free meal out and then free drinks and stuff at the party, and i just feel he'll take what he can get when i pay for him (even though hes never asked for the money, but when i want to do something id rather pay for him than not do it at all). im the sort of person that cant go into town to just 'wander round' i need a purpose, to do something, and i just dont know how i can get my boyfriend to start maybe paying for me sometimes or even just being equal in stuff.
i dont have a job, i cudnt get one over the summer, so i really dont have any money. i dont want to sound like im all 'money money money' but it was my mum who mentioned the food thing and ive just started thinking about it all properly lol.

does anyone have any opinions/ideas on the subject? thanks

[Cobra_X30]

Hmmm... he's probably just cheap and doesnt consider what he is doing bad. Elsewise, you dumped him once and he is afraid to spend money on you. I've had many friends that get dumped and thier first reaction is .... I want my money back! Maybe he is protecting himself.

More likely he is just cheap though!

[jcster]

Your going to have to break him of the mooching habit. If he can't afford to pay his own way (not saying that he should be for your stuff too) then he can't afford to go. You're going to have to be firm about this, or it will never stop.

[Cobra_X30]

Originally Posted by jcster

Your going to have to break him of the mooching habit. If he can't afford to pay his own way (not saying that he should be for your stuff too) then he can't afford to go. You're going to have to be firm about this, or it will never stop.

LOL... perhaps he is just a very traditional guy and thinks that the woman should pay for everything.

Oh ... wait I got that backwards.

[coffee_addict]

lol thanks guys! thinking about it im the traditional one lol!

ive mentioned it to him in a jokey way, saying that im coz we cant go out and do stuff coz i cant afford it. his first answer : ah dont worry, theres loads of stuff we can do for free in *insert name of place we live here*!

so i was like 'yeah but i wanna go out and do things, like go for meals and go out for drinks and things!' so he said 'well coz im a nice guy ill pay for you :P!'

so basically i brought it up, and in principal he agreed to pay for me for some stuff sometimes, but whether itll actually happen, who knows lol.

i want to make it clear that hes never asked for me to lend him the money for things, ive always said 'oh i want to do this, you have no money, ill pay for you'.

i have wondered about that, the fact that maybe hes wary of getting back into the relationship, but he seems very enthusiastic about us so i dont think thats the problem.....

so yeah, i think he just doesnt get it, he doesnt mean to do it i think, like going 'muhaha ill get *insert my name here* to pay!'

boys suck. i wish theyd just get that they shud do stuff without us having to hint/drop huge clues/come out and ask them.