[datingmum]

I promised myself I won't write loveshack's longest post, so if you want to know my story, look back over some of my posts by clicking on my name. Or don't bother and just read below!

The short version is that my fiance/exfiance and I had been rowing horribly over the commitmentthing for a long time as I have two girls (from previous marriage) and wanted to protect them. I also love him very much and wanted him to want me that way. I also read WAY too many books (why men love bitches/he's just not that into you/etc - you get the picture.

The rowing became all we did, I took off the engagement ring 4.5 months ago, and he decided to move out 3.5 months ago now. There has rarely been a day that we haven't talked. We've written long letters, we've made plans, we've fought and decided it was all over so many times, then come back together. We're both drama queens and this whole process has definitely encouraged some introspection and growth. Each time we come together and try and fail, it seems we get closer to understanding one another. We both still feel motivated to try, at least there is that.

Now he's not living here, he objects to all my pressure (what are we doing? when will we live together again (bearing in mind he left then bought my BFs! house that I renovated and was suppossed to be for us all as a family!!!)? I object to him not wanting to re-establish that level of connection to make me feel safe enough to give him his 'space' and the fact that he 'flip-flops' like crazy.

He wants us to 'have fun', be together and learn to get along/communicate better and to rekindle the sparks and go slow so we get it right. But how slow? Is this possible after we've put each other through so much? Is it possible to go back to dating after being a family, living in the same home and being engaged?

I really need loveshack help. What is the path of reconciliation? How can we BE together without BEING together. I miss him so much and so do my daughters. I'm so tired of the way we've handled things in the past, that I'm finally ready to admit I don't know the right way. How can I be light and breezy while respecting my deep emotions for him, how can he feel less pressure? We both want it in the end, it's like an argument about timing, a power struggle....