[squeak]

I wanted to thank Arizona for bringing this up, I'm over one hump but the source is not gone.

How do any of you stop yourselves from being controlling? I live my life doing preventive maintenance behind the scenes and it is exhausting. I am drained, I can't do it anymore.

It's me, fear of abandonment, trying to prevent the thing you fear the most thereby bringing it on. My last relationship was a really bad break up, I don't think I could go through it again, it almost destroyed me, so I try to do everything "right", but that means trying to control every possible outcome too.

I try to make everything smooth and perfect, because I hold grudges so I don't want to give myself any reason to have a grudge.

How do I let go of trying to micro manage everything?

I feel like if I don't control things-then something goes wrong-it will be my fault for not having controlled the situation properly and I will blame myself for it.

If anyone has experience with this, please let me know how you go about it/thought processes/anything.

How do you let go of the "if I don't control everything and I get hurt it will be my fault for not seeing it coming" mentality?

[jcster]

How do you let go of the "if I don't control everything and I get hurt it will be my fault for not seeing it coming" mentality?

You've done the hard part already - recognizing that you are doing it and why. I spent a lot of years doing the same thing - it made me miserable and tired - and didn't prevent a thing.

The only way that I've learned to get over it is to stay in the moment. That means, no worrying about what might happen, no fear of the future. Most control issues stem from fear and worry - so if you can work on derailing those thoughts, that will help. Also, you need to start examining your motives for doing things. Think of it like a spam filter - are you doing things because they need to be done? Then, ask yourself why you feel it should be you who does it. Let go of responsibility for other peoples actions, and you will feel a lot better.

[squeak]

Originally Posted by jcster

Let go of responsibility for other peoples actions, and you will feel a lot better.

Yeah-very insightful-that's what it is-

And what is that anyway?

-some sort of hidden God complex?

I think I am so powerful I can alter events and people?

That is the source of it.

[LoveLace]

Sounds similar to me, being a worry-wart and always thinking that someone is trying to screw me over or is mad at me, etc. Sometimes it's just a matter of stopping for a moment to catch your breath and relax. What are your pleasures? Food? Movies? Indulge and enjoy yourself.

[Capricciosa]

It's called being co-dependent. There's plenty of literature out there on it, lots of stuff on the web. I would look some of it up. It may help you let go and not try to control the outcome of things.