Why do encourage my husband to go to strip clubs? I have asked myself this over and over. In the past, it was exciting to me for him to oggle nude dancers. What is wrong with me? We have been together 16 years and from the beginning of our time together. We each say we love each other and never want to leave each other. Our sex is just that -- sex. I have begged him to be intimate (romantic, kiss, candles, music, etc. in bed -- he says ok and then ignores my request. Now I am on a pattern of sending him to strip clubs. What IS this and why am I doing this? Am I a glutton for punishment. This is serious.

Confused

anymore. I am trying to understand what is going on between us, why I am doing this, if we should end our relationship or if this is healthy (normal or a lot of people do it). Help.

Why do encourage my husband to go to strip clubs? I have asked myself this over and over. In the past, it was exciting to me for him to oggle nude dancers. What is wrong with me? We have been together 16 years and from the beginning of our time together. We each say we love each other and never want to leave each other. Our sex is just that -- sex. I have begged him to be intimate (romantic, kiss, candles, music, etc. in bed -- he says ok and then ignores my request. Now I am on a pattern of sending him to strip clubs. What IS this and why am I doing this? Am I a glutton for punishment. This is serious. Confused

[sparkle]

From now on, tell him you don't want him going to any strip clubs. It is not helping your marriage.

And from now on, instead of begging him to be romantic, take care of it yourself. First of all, work on making yourself more attractive to him. Find your most seductive lingerie. Don't have any? Go out and buy a few pieces of the sexiest lingerie that you can find. Out of shape? Start working out NOW to improve your figure. Get a new haircut. Make yourself look sexy.

Put on sexy lingerie. Light the candles. Turn on the music. Put on some perfume. Bring him into the room. Touch him, kiss him, but don't have sex with him until he's fulfilled your needs for whatever foreplay you desire.

Tell him what you want him to do WHILE you're in bed. Tell him how when and where you want to be kissed or touched. Don't wait until the morning after or the week after to discuss what you want him to do. Tell him RIGHT THERE AND THEN.

Stop feeling sorry for yourself. "Why do I do this...Am I a glutton for punishment...etc etc". This isn't going to get you anywhere. Evaluate your situation. If you're not happy right now, then you know that things need to be changed.

Finally, if you do all of the above and do your best to improve your sex life, and things do not change for the better, sit him down and have a serious talk with him. Tell him exactly how you feel, about the strip clubs, about your sex problems, and work out a solution with him.

Some type of marriage counseling should help.

Why do encourage my husband to go to strip clubs? I have asked myself this over and over. In the past, it was exciting to me for him to oggle nude dancers. What is wrong with me? We have been together 16 years and from the beginning of our time together. We each say we love each other and never want to leave each other. Our sex is just that -- sex. I have begged him to be intimate (romantic, kiss, candles, music, etc. in bed -- he says ok and then ignores my request. Now I am on a pattern of sending him to strip clubs. What IS this and why am I doing this? Am I a glutton for punishment. This is serious. Confused