[karna68]

Hello everyone, I'm new here. Been married 8 years with 2 children 7 and 20 months and it looks like we're going to try a TS. I'm so overwhelmed. My H was my high school sweetheart, we actually married other people after high school and got back in touch and the rest is history. I thought this man would never hurt me. He always told me how he always loved me and never stopped thinking about me, even when he was married the first time. Unfortunately that made me take him a little for granted and I didn't always give him the attention he needed. Recently a girl we went to high school with came into our lives via myspace (evil!) and we had dinner with her no big deal. I thought that would be that but then she started coming over. I looked at her myspace page one day and she had a picture of my H on there. I asked H about it and he got VERY defensive. My heart just sank, I knew something was going on. I asked him if something was and of course he said no. Our cell phone bill had almost doubled and it was just the other night that I pulled it up on line and saw he's been talking to her multiple times a day for up to 2 1/2 hours at a time. He told me he calls her "a couple times a day" yeah right! We had this promise to each other because of our previous marriages that we would be up front and honest with each other if we ever wanted out of the marriage. Guess he broke his promise huh? I'm just so lost and confused, I never thought this would be happening. Our kids are so young too, my heart is breaking for them. Sorry to make this so long, looking forward to chatting with everyone!

[Ladyjane14]

Well, it sounds like your husband is having a full-blown affair.
It's not unheard of... but in general terms, men don't leave their wife and children unless there's another woman waiting in the wings applying pressure.

Your best bet is to educate yourself quickly on the dynamics of the extramarital affair. Books like Surviving An Affair are a good first step. Marriages can and often do recover from infidelity, but the affair has to END in order for that to happen.

If this is all new, it might turn out that you don't even really want him back. The knee-jerk reaction is often to try to fix the marriage, but cheaters come in several different flavors. A guy who's a pretty good fellow, but just has his head screwed on backwards is one who's worth the effort. A guy who displays narcissistic tendencies and who consistently feels 'entitled' to whatever he wants is not.

You might give some thought as to what kind of profile your WH (wayward husband) fits before you waste alot of emotional energy on him. It could be that a quick trip to the attorney is a better route depending on your assessment of his character.

If you're in doubt as to what outcome you'd prefer... you might go ahead and start with the techniques outlined in Surviving An Affair. You can get a jump on that by typing into your browser... "what are plan a and plan b, marriagebuilders", and reading the article you find there. Read also the entire Basic Concepts section as well as the HT Survive Infidelity section. My best personal advice to you is to take your advice ONLY from Dr. Harley's written information, and not from any postings you might on his site.