I shouldn't be writing on here anymore but I CAN'T HELP IT!!! This place was my only place to talk about these problems and while I won't discuss what is currently going on with him I WILL discuss what is making me lose my mind.
She keeps writing me NASTY emails!!! I KNOW I have done some AWFUL things, but damn, give me a f*cking break!!! I finally wrote her back. I didn't say much, I did say to stop playing games with me. She was comparing me to a tigress just wanting to leave her scent on a lion!!! WTF?!?!?!
She said some really disgusting things about me last night and I am just not going to even go there with her.
While I KNOW I DID SOME DISGUSTING THINGS the things I have done DO NOT make me a disgusting PERSON!!!
Why did I fall in love with him!??!?! I still love him dearly, but she is just... UGGGHHHHH... I want to rip my eyeballs out!!!!
I UNDERSTAND why she is so upset and she has every reason to be BITTER. But hell....
Then towards the end of the letter she went on to brag about how she kicked him out but he is still in her bed.
Uh, okay?
I give up. Do you see me? I am waving my white f*cking flag. WTF do you want me to do?!?! I can't re-write the past and I can't change my feelings. If he TOLD ME he wanted nothing to do with me I would stop talking to him. Are you going to make him do that now? You seem to control most other things he does with his life... I wonder why he.... never mind.
This is just too much drama..... I can't take it..... I just want to curl in a ball and cry forever.....
Has my REMORSE been that hard to f*cking see?!?!?!!?! F*CK!!! I'M SORRY!!!!!
You won't like what I'm going to say, but I'm saying it anyway because I care about what happens to you. You need to end it with him now. Take control and tell him it's over. Then work on getting over him, go to therapy, keep posting and PM'ing when you get that option. You are right, this is too much drama and it's not going to get any easier if you stick around. What's best for you and your child is to leave MM.
I guess I don't understand why you're letting him have complete control over you and your choices......
She may never forgive you, but right now she is directing all her anger and pain out on you because she's in a state of shock after reading more about the affair. She's finding out what a liar her husband is, and I bet he is still lying and denying, and downplaying what has happened to keep the peace at home.
I also wish you wouldn't trust him as much as you do. This guy has lied to you over and over again, actually he's lied to both you, big time, and right now his wife is choosing to stay with him. They haven't broken up, so please, get yourself OUT of this situation before it kills your heart more.
Again, I need to stress this for you, YOU end it and don't look back.
He is controlling a manipulating both of you to his own desires, IF he even knows what they are. People who do this are more capable of convincing themselves of their lies than they are other people. Its called self deception and it is a crazy kind of reality to try to live in. Will make YOU question your sanity. You and is W are BOTH going through hell right now and he's still trying to keep HIS little reality together, and you two aren't behaving so things are getting shaky. I'll bet he's stressed as hell right now. You are all at wits end because of your lack of control over the situation, and you and his wife over a lack of knowing what to believe. The nutso thing is, NOONE is making a decision, so this is just going to keep going round and round.
If he TOLD ME he wanted nothing to do with me I would stop talking to him.
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Originally Posted by IWALH
Has my REMORSE been that hard to f*cking see?!?!?!!?! F*CK!!! I'M SORRY!!!!!
These 2 statements in the same post contradict each other...
If you had any remorse then you would stop talking to him period.. not if he ask you too..
Your apology doesn't seem very genuine..
You in one hand are telling her that you are going to continue to see and have sex with her husband.. but then you tell her you are sorry and you are waving the white flag..
Which is it ? Are you going to do the right thing and dump his lying cheating ass or are you going to continue this lie ?
__________________
~~ One day someone will walk into your life and make you see why it never worked out with anyone else.. ~~
"These 2 statements in the same post contradict each other...
If you had any remorse then you would stop talking to him period.. not if he ask you too..
Your apology doesn't seem very genuine.. You in one hand are telling her that you are going to continue to see and have sex with her husband.. but then you tell her you are sorry and you are waving the white flag..
Which is it ? Are you going to do the right thing and dump his lying cheating ass or are you going to continue this lie ?"
I really don't think she needs to hear that. Despite what you think of the situation IWALH is clearly in a very distressed and vulnerable state at the moment. She needs support. Of course your opinion is as valid as anyone else's but I think you should bear this in mind.
I think that she is genuinely sorry for her part in the situation but this man's indecisivness is tearing her apart. She is unable to move on with her life because he refuses to make a decision and stick to it - so she doesn't know where she stands. Of course she wants this whole mess to be over but its not that easy.
Block her e-mail and don't answer the phone, don't bother with her, she has no right to contact you.She should be dealing with her husbandnot you.And he should have protect you from her...
I had my MM family on my neck but I send them back to their places, and they never contact me again.My MM didn't protecyt me either but he knows how I feel about it.
Don't bother with her!!!!Don't feel bad either, he made himself available to you, he told you his marriage sucks, HE said he was leaving her,HE LEFT HER!!! You love him and believed that he was sincere, if he told you all that it is not fault.Your only mistake was to believe him...
Anyway ,whatever you did ,dosen't give her the right to treat you like that.She should direct her anger to her "Dear" Husband.
I know how you feel, been there myself.Things will get better.
Good Luck!
__________________ Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.
(Kahlil Gibran)
The wife does not always have the monopoly on pain. Why must we differentiate between levels of pain that OW and BS feel. Why does it matter? I can empathise sincerely with the wife but I don't see IWALH's pain being any easier. They have both been decieved and betrayed by this man.
Problem is SIL, she and his wife became quite friendly...So yes, she does have to deal with this. They all went away together and stayed in the same hotel room.
Quote:
I can empathise sincerely with the wife but I don't see IWALH's pain being any easier. They have both been decieved and betrayed by this man.
Ofcourse IWALH's in so much pain, and as much as I like her and am willing to help her through this, she made the choice to have an affair with a MM. Yes, he has deceived and lied to her, but his wife is the one who's whole life has been turned upside down NOT BY CHOICE. That's the difference.
IWALH, call your Dr to get a referral to talk to a therapist, I really think you need someone professional to help you cope with this. All of us here can help as much as possible, but a therapist can definately get you through to the otherside, so you heal.
Wait a minute...you are putting words in my mouth here, for whatever reason. My whole point was your last sentence. We don't really need to read more into my words than what is there. Contrary to popular belief...not everyone is out to "bash" the OW. The poster is clearly in pain. My point was..."she's not alone". The wife is not the enemy.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Shades of Grey
The wife does not always have the monopoly on pain. Why must we differentiate between levels of pain that OW and BS feel. Why does it matter? I can empathise sincerely with the wife but I don't see IWALH's pain being any easier. They have both been decieved and betrayed by this man.
Problem is SIL, she and his wife became quite friendly...So yes, she does have to deal with this. They all went away together and stayed in the same hotel room.
Ofcourse IWALH's in so much pain, and as much as I like her and am willing to help her through this, she made the choice to have an affair with a MM. Yes, he has deceived and lied to her, but his wife is the one who's whole life has been turned upside down NOT BY CHOICE. That's the difference.
IWALH, call your Dr to get a referral to talk to a therapist, I really think you need someone professional to help you cope with this. All of us here can help as much as possible, but a therapist can definately get you through to the otherside, so you heal.
OK! I didn't know her and the wife were friends....ooops.
Still the wife should be dealing with him.IW I know it is hard ,believe me I know, but you should step back and don't bther with him anymore ....
The OW suffer a lot too and the worse she suffers without support.
Couple of months ago MM was telling me how his W was home crying all night and how he sat by her side and hold her hand. I felt sorry for her but he was there.
I had cryed many nights and there was no one there to hold my hand...I told him that.
The thing is most H will tryed to calm the W down and be supportive but they will tell the OW to get lost. Or be mean to the OW like she has no feelings or right to have feelings.
In the end everybody suffer a lot, the W the H and the OW too.
I agree with Art and WWIU. IWALH needs to make her own decisions, not wait for him to make one for her. Why should he have so much power over her?
But whatever you decide, make sure its YOUR decision made with your own thoughts and not his (or even mine for that matter).
Please block her email address. Or just delete them without reading them. Or put them aside for a time when you are more stable emotionally and can handle reading them. Or print them out (without reading them) and burn them or put in a folder to share with a therapist. But JUST STOP READING THEM!!!!!
I know you are hurting, so please take care of yourself so you can take care of your little one. Let's not forget about the little people that are watching their parents in this turmoil.
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If MM's W is still reading this board, please find another place on the web to vent your pain. There are many. Google "infidelity" "surviving" "betrayal". Someone out there knows how you feel. Its not going to help you to keep emailing IW. You have probably already said things that you regret in those emails. It probably felt good at the moment, but it doesn't make the pain go away.
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Sorry everyone if this seems insensitive to IWALH. Sorry MODs if a rule was broken with this posting.
__________________ Don't flag me, 'cause I'm honest...
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
Uh, okay?
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