betrayed spouses more likely to cheat than non-betrayed spouses
This thought stayed with me one day. As a BS, if I should find myself pulled into a situation in the future, am I more "susceptible" to going with it b/c my H cheated on me? what do others think? I have thought at times through this rough one year of recovery that if the opportunity came up, I might not feel as guilty as I would had my H had always been faithful to me.
Well, my husband, who betrayed me, said that one of the reasons he did it was because he had been cheated on by three separate girlfriends in the past. When the situation arose, part of his reason for doing it was why not me too. So even though he KNEW how it felt to be betrayed, and even though I had NEVER betrayed him, and he had no doubts that I had, part of him wanted it as a chance to get back at these OTHER women from his past. All this despite him saying and knowing that I was the best thing that ever happened to him. How messed up is that! I have to pay for their mistakes.
I agree with what sunny said, it all depends on you personally. You are the one who will make the choice and will have to live with that choice. Make sure it is one you can live with. You probably won't know the ultimate answer until you are ever in that situation, if that ever happens.
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"When love is in excess it brings a man [or woman] no honor nor worthiness." - Euripides, Medea, 431 B.C.
"When you're going through Hell, keep going." - Winston Churchill
i think it depends more on your core value system and the way you were raised... stay true to that - if it's morally correct.
it helps to be able to look yourself in the mirror and feel good about it.
Couldn't have said it as well or better.
As a former BS the last thing I would ever do is do that to my wife. I know the pain it causes and it's just not within my core beliefs. I will not compromise my integrity.
Being able to forever after look yourself in the face in the mirror and honestly say, "No regrets!" counts for a lot!
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"Well, I've wrestled with reality for 35 years, Doctor, and I'm happy to state I finally won out over it."
Well, my husband, who betrayed me, said that one of the reasons he did it was because he had been cheated on by three separate girlfriends in the past. When the situation arose, part of his reason for doing it was why not me too. So even though he KNEW how it felt to be betrayed, and even though I had NEVER betrayed him, and he had no doubts that I had, part of him wanted it as a chance to get back at these OTHER women from his past. All this despite him saying and knowing that I was the best thing that ever happened to him. How messed up is that! I have to pay for their mistakes.
I wouldn't believe the excuses that cheaters use.
You will cheat if you're prone to that kind self-entitled, self-justified behaviour. If you're the type of person who is honest with yourself and/or wants to remain true to the foundations you grew up with, you will not cheat.
__________________ Think, think, think... -Winnie the Pooh
When some people are betrayed by a member of the opposite sex they sometimes take the anger over that betrayel on a completely innocent person. I know some women who were cheated on and now feel that all men are cheating dogs so they feel no guilt at cheating on men.
FWH and I were just talking about this the other day on our trip to the store. He said that if I ever had an A he would D me. I asked him why. He said b/c it was my way of getting back at him for his own A. Ummmm, excuse me? Not that I will have an A, I'm not that type of person, but what gives him the right to D me if I have an A and he begged and pleaded to take him back after HIS A? So it makes it right for him to have an A and work on the M but if I did it he would D me? THAT pissed me off! I told him if I did have an A it surely wouldn't be to get back at him for his own A.
Well, for my part, I don't worry about having an A on my H.
I have more respect for myself and it has nothing to do with hurting my H. Not anymore. It's all about me and my kids.
Besides, if a guy was interested in me, knowing I was M, what would that say about him as a person? Male whore. Sleaze bag.
See, I look at it differently than my stupid FWH did.
What he should have thought when the whore he cheated with asked him to come over to her house sometime, was that she's a skank and a potential homewrecker.
My first thought is not about how flattered I'd be if some guy asked me over to his house or out on a date.
I don't think with my nether regions. I use my brain.
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I answer to only 2 people... Myself & God
Well, for my part, I don't worry about having an A on my H.
I have more respect for myself and it has nothing to do with hurting my H. Not anymore. It's all about me and my kids.
Besides, if a guy was interested in me, knowing I was M, what would that say about him as a person? Male whore. Sleaze bag.
See, I look at it differently than my stupid FWH did.
What he should have thought when the whore he cheated with asked him to come over to her house sometime, was that she's a skank and a potential homewrecker.
My first thought is not about how flattered I'd be if some guy asked me over to his house or out on a date.
I don't think with my nether regions. I use my brain.
Exactly Shelly! I would never stoop to his level and have an A. If I thought our M was so bad I would seek MC, not an OM.
Besides, any man who is willing to have an A w/ a MW is not a good man in my book.
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