[hopefulsoul]

ok, heres my story.. i had a crush/liking for this guy in 9th grade and continued to secretly like him till end of 12th grade.. i did nothin abt it. a few yrs later,durin his summer break, met him at a party n tld him my feelings.he started callin me n we hung out as frnds,i cld feel him flirtin with me, but i figured it was because i had told him tht i liked him n tht he was just strokin his ego. we went our seperate ways...
he was at the back of my mind always but life went on as usuall... .i dated a few guys, but i never really liked them enough and wld end up breakin up with them.
met him again after a few yrs and this time we made out n started datin.
....he told me he'd been attracted to me for a while....we would just get high, hang out with his frnds and make out...he wanted to have sex but i wasnt ready and i told him i wanted to go slow...he said i was conservative! .....i was begining to develop strong feelings for him tht i never felt b4....he did all the right things in the begining but after 2 weeks started tellin me he wasnt very serious abt me.......but on the contrary he introduced me to his family and in a drunken state of mind told one of his buddies tht he wanted to marry me ( ? ) .......... ok also he announced to alllll his frnds tht we were dating.... but some how we wernt gettin close to each other, i felt he wasnt making enough effort to get to know me...he didnt call me so much... he just wanted to meet every day and make out with me...... so i told him i wanted something more meaningful (i meant with him) n he replied by saying' this isnt working out is it? lets just be frnds'
and after one week of our break up i heard from a frnd tht he very publicaly made out with some random chic at a party.
but he did call me twice to chat on the phne and we met for dinner once with frnds,very casual. i tried to be frnds with him but i couldnt....now we live seperate lives again but i need to understand wht was goin on with him? did he feel anythin for me at all ?

[KaneNAbel]

Okay, so let me get this straight. In your adolescent years, you like this guy for 3-4 years without getting to know him. You told him you liked him and he wanted to hang out. This guy comes back later into your life and you guys smoke weed and make out which leads to you getting stronger feelings for him. He wants to have sex but you want it to be more but then he says it's not working out.

First of all, I think you like the shell of the man. You like the way he looks and you constructed this guy from your fantasies. You feel like crap because he's not the guy in your fantasy but merely someone you wish would change into this fantasy. That's all it is. A fantasy. He's already established that he doesn't have to respect you to get what he wants and he needs some growing up to do. You seem like you need some growing up to do as well.

Whether you want to waste the best years of your life chasing something that doesn't and may not ever truly exist is your decision and you can't blame anyone else. So what is it? Do you really think anyone is worth years of your happiness in this only lifetime you get?

[Topper]

I'm sure he did have some feelings for you.Just not as deep as you had for him.It's hard when that happens. Niether of you sound ready for a real commited relationship. Learn from this and move on.

[hopefulsoul]

i think u are right, i did build him up over the yrs in my own head.. but now that i did get to see what he's like close up, i still like him. infact even more so than before. if only my fantasy has been shattered into pieces then why am i still hoping he will realise his feelings for me? or that someday we will work out again ? i have been dating someone else after that with a long term perspective in mind, but i still cannot get him out of my head, can fantasies be that real?