Well guys, I knew that it was close and it has now become a reality. I just went over there with a note that I wrote because I was unhappy and telling her that we needed some time apart.

Well, she had another idea. She just broke it off for good. She said that she has tried to make it work for her and she does not know what she wants and she feels like I am stressing her out.

Even after we had this long talk, I even offered to her to spend a month apart from each other to sort out our feelings. I told her that I at least deserved to have some sort of decision in this because this is what I deserved since she has been the one to break up with me. She simply said that would only lead things on and she did not want to do that. She could have at least given it a month to see what happened. I told her that we did not even have to talk to each other again if we were both happy with our new lives. Nope, she shot that down.

She said that I was a great guy and I have changed alot for her and that I do not deserve this and it is unfair. She has said herself that she was the one not in the relationship and all that I have done for her, she does not deserve.

I really do not know how someone could break it off after all the time that we spend together and when she can see the great change that I have went through in the relationship for her.

This is truly someone that is so selfish that she thinks that she is so independant and she needs no one. Well, she has just cut off a person that would do anything for her and was the best boyfriend that she could ever have.

Good for you, buddy =) !

I think it's great... don't u feel relieved? start a new life! go pick up some girls at clubs or something... have fun, enjoy yr freedom =) ...

[Tony T]

The real tragedy of all this, Ace, is that by the tone of your post here you have left this relationship with NOTHING. I mean, you have learned nothing at all about relationships.

I'm not going to repeat everything I have written to you in the past. You can do a search on that. But this would have lasted so much longer if you would have played your cards right. Even the way you tried to press her to try even longer on this was so wrong. When a girl says she's through, the faster you walk away, the more she'll wonder if she did the right thing.

You're a good guy but GAWD I hope you will pay attention and learn more about relationships. My prayer is you soon meet the right girl who will enjoy you just as you are because I don't give you much chance for changing or modifying your behavior around ladies real soon.

Good luck to you.

hi ace,

i know her breaking up with you has hurt you terribly, but just think of the positives that are going to come out of this:

1. you no longer have to worry so much anymore about where your relationship is heading;

2. you have so much freedom now. you can do whatever you want without having to answer to anybody or knowing that you should call her soon;

3. this has opened up a HUGE window of opportunity for you - she has paved the way for you to find a girl who will want exactly the same things as you, want to be around you as often as she can.

i know it doesn't seem like it, but she has actually shown you respect by calling it off. she obviously is heading in a different direction to you at the moment and she is right - it isn't fair on you to keep hanging in there when she doesn't know what she wants right now. i had an ex-boyfriend (who had a few problems) who i worked my butt off for trying to make things work. the pig strung me along for a long, long time and finally admitted that he hadn't know what he wanted for ages, so I broke it off. i felt so used and so hurt that he kept me hanging in there. it was cruel of him to not be honest about his feelings. there was an enormous amount of resentment between us when things finally ended, because it had dragged out so long. he was my first boyfriend and i was devestated. i really loved him and didn't think i would get over him.

but....

a year later i met a wonderful guy. he rang rings around my first-boyfriend and i never thought i would feel that way about someone again. funnily enough, i loved my last boyfriend more than my first, partly because i was in the kind of relationship i wanted to be in and we both wanted the same thing.

you say:

I at least deserved to have some sort of decision in this because this is what I deserved since she has been the one to break up with me. She simply said that would only lead things on and she did not want to do that...She said that I was a great guy and I have changed alot for her and that I do not deserve this and it is unfair.

honestly, she is right. she is also looking at your best interests here, as hard as that may be to see. she has made up her mind, and as much as that hurts you, she is right. it would have been cruel for her to drag it out longer when she wasn't wanting the same things as you. she really has done you a favour here....she is doing the honest thing by letting you get on with your life. imagine the pain that could have been caused down the track if she didn't tell you now. things would have become worse.

I really do not know how someone could break it off after all the time that we spend together and when she can see the great change that I have went through in the relationship for her.

i feel that's precisely why she broke it off - she can see the great change you have made and is probably so appreciative it, but knows it's not where she is at in her life right now.

This is truly someone that is so selfish that she thinks that she is so independant and she needs no one. Well, she has just cut off a person that would do anything for her and was the best boyfriend that she could ever have.

actually, i feel it was very unselfish of her to break up with you. to keep you there, thinking that everything might turn out ok, when her heart is not in it, would be extremely selfish of her. i've seen people do this to others and boy, does it add fuel to my fire. i'm sure she would have sensed your unhappiness, and i really feel that in time, you would have broke it off with her.

also, in time you will see that it's a good thing to not need someone in your life. i have been single since november - haven't so much as kissed a guy. i'm still getting over my ex, but i have found being by myself somewhat empowering, even if it is lonely and boring sometimes. i've had many opportunities to date guys, but i've found the one person i can depend upon is myself - not anyone else.

so many positives will come out of this - and i'm saying this as a person who has a tendency to feel too much and fall very hard.

....you will be thanking her oneday for this. you really will.

p.s. i've just read your e-mail and i will respond

[Ed]

Ace,

It is time for you to pick up the pieces and move on. Chalk this one up to experience. Hold on to the good stuff and get rid of the bad. Do some house cleaning and some life cleaning. You are going to stew over this for a while. That is to be expected. It is part of sorting out the good stuff from the bad.

Becoming secure as a single person is the best preparation for being part of a couple. You don't have to have a girlfriend to be somebody.

You said you had made so many changes "for her". This was one of your biggest mistakes. Don't ever change yourself or your life "for" someone else. Make changes in your life because it is good for YOU and because it is someone YOU want to be. Don't change "for" anything or anybody else! The reason for this should be evident now. If you make changes for someone or something else, what do you do if that person or thing is no longer there? Do you abandon those changes? This can lead to so much disruption. You can lead a much happier life, with fewer regrets, if you change "for you".

I have done some of the same things you have done in this situation. I couldn't see it then either. Hopefully, you will learn some good lessons sooner than I did. I have lived many years that could have been more productive had I known about and been mature enough to heed some of the good advice being given out on this site. But, neither I nor you can undo the past, so learn from it and let it go. If you do, you will be much happier and better prepared the next time around.

Don't be afraid to feel the pain of loss and reality of being fallible. We all have made mistakes and will continue do so. It is part of being human. As Tony has said many times, the only thing wrong with making mistakes is making them again and again without changing something or learning from it. Anyone who cannot accept this does not need to be a part of your life and good riddance.

I think you're a good guy. You'll make a good partner for someone down the road. Just give it time, don't be in a hurry. You can't make history unfold any faster than it does.

[Dragonflys]

Hi Ace

'This is truly someone that is so selfish that she thinks that she is so independant and she needs no one. Well, she has just cut off a person that would do anything for her and was the best boyfriend that she could ever have.'

This sentence is from your point of view, and I promise you that what she is thinking and feeling is not the desire to be selfish and she does not feel that you are the best boyfriend she could possibly have (right now at least).

What she is thinking I believe is that while you obviously tried hard to make this work, her feelings for you went flat, this was a combination of your begging for her to change and the fact that she, like anyone else has curiosity that is unsatisfied. I think in hindsight if you had have listened to her more very early on when she started to feel different, this may have been avoided.

But, we all have made these exact mistakes, and we are all experts in hindsight.

There is NOTHING you can do now except, as I said before, work on yourself. Go through the pain and under no circumstances call her. You probably will because it will hurt, but limit this as much as possible because how can she possibly know what she is missing unless you disappear. While you are away just get on with your life as I said before and try and limit thought about her (oh that's so bloody hard I know).

I'm sorry it ended like this, but it is through no fault of your own or hers...both of you were learning from mistakes and following your feelings.

Good luck

Oliver

your story sounds just like mine.

there is nothing worse than being strung along.

thank goodness each relationship is a learning experience.

I'm very glad, for your sake and hers, that she ended things. The poor girl has done everything short of draw you pictures, over the past few months, to get you to back off and stop being so clingy, needy, butt-kissing, insecure, like a puppy-dog, obsessive, etc.......the signs were all there but you refused to see them and do something about them.

The girl has made it clear. She does NOT want to be with you, and I'm sorry if you're upset but you really do need to spend some time alone to get some perspective. You were far too dependent on her and your relationship.

Your last paragraph:

"This is truly someone that is so selfish that she thinks that she is so independant and she needs no one. Well, she has just cut off a person that would do anything for her and was the best boyfriend that she could ever have."

That really says it all. She's not selfish in the least. Who said she was obligated to spend the rest of her life dating you? She has to look out for #1, which is 'herself', and she was no longer happy. I commend her for being true to herself, and true to you. You obviously weren't the 'best boyfriend', for if you were, you'd still be together. You were like a cling-on and no girl/woman likes that.

I hope you get out there now...get a life...get some hobbies, find some new interests, do some self reflecting and soul-searching......and learn to be happy with YOURSELF. And for the love of all that's holy, don't go contacting her. Just leave the poor girl alone.

L