How can I get him back? And yes, I hurt him too :(
Ok so there is a chance that this guy just so happened to lose interest in me and not that he got hurt by me, but I doubt it! I think I hurt him when (as said in another thread) I told him that when Im with him I feel like Im with my ex (gosh, I feel so bad everytime I say that). He obviously was very upset about it, I can tell, but cuz he has so much ego he said he's not mad at all about it. Well we went out twice after that and all of a sudden he deleted me from facebook on Saturday and he wont return my long voicemail to him (explaining that I dont feel for my ex at all anymore) that I left Sunday. It's so harsh of him and I'm somewhat hurt but really I want him back. We've been dating 6 weeks now.
What can I do to possibly get him back or at least get him to talk to me? What can I say? And I want to call him again tonight or tomorrow night to tell him that he's the only one on my mind cuz he is. I think he also has doubts of me cuz last time we went out a cute guy hit on me and i get postings on my facebook from alot of guy friends, one of which was super cute and asked me via facebook to meet up to play board games. My friend said he deleted me cuz he couldnt take all these guys posting on my wall. But honestly he is the only guy I think of. What strategies or tactics can I use to win him back!??!?!?!
Tell him that he's the only guy you think of. Stop judging your relationship based on Facebook posts ...and NEVER, ever, ever....ever....mention him and your ex in the same sentence again. In fact, don't mention your ex at all if you can help it. Don't apologize anymore for your comment - move on and concentrate on him!
Tell him that he's the only guy you think of. Stop judging your relationship based on Facebook posts ...and NEVER, ever, ever....ever....mention him and your ex in the same sentence again. In fact, don't mention your ex at all if you can help it. Don't apologize anymore for your comment - move on and concentrate on him!
I never mentioned my ex after that one time....except for when I called my current guy (named W) yesterday and left a voicemail because I saw he deleted me from facebook, I mentioned my ex but only in context of reassuring him that my ex and I broke up like 1.5 yrs ago and I dont even think about him anymore. I even told W that when I'm with him, its only him. And it's true! I honestly dont care for my ex at all. In my voicemail I did not apologize for my comment, I just wanted to let him know how I really felt about him. I dont know if he believes me though cuz he hasnt called me back since yesterday yet.
jcster, what strategy should I take exactly? Should I give it a few days and call again if I dont hear back? How many days should I give it? And when I call again, what should I say/focus on? So according to your post, you are right, I shouldnt mention my ex again (since I already did that in my first voicemail). So then what exactly should I focus on and tell him?
I never mentioned my ex after that one time....except for when I called my current guy (named W) yesterday and left a voicemail because I saw he deleted me from facebook, I mentioned my ex but only in context of reassuring him that my ex and I broke up like 1.5 yrs ago and I dont even think about him anymore. I even told W that when I'm with him, its only him. And it's true! I honestly dont care for my ex at all. In my voicemail I did not apologize for my comment, I just wanted to let him know how I really felt about him. I dont know if he believes me though cuz he hasnt called me back since yesterday yet.
jcster, what strategy should I take exactly? Should I give it a few days and call again if I dont hear back? How many days should I give it? And when I call again, what should I say/focus on? So according to your post, you are right, I shouldnt mention my ex again (since I already did that in my first voicemail). So then what exactly should I focus on and tell him?
To get him back, should I call him tonight or is it too soon? What should I say? I'm at a lost as to what is the best thing to do. As the days past by, the hurt is starting to sink in.
This is really strange....Ok so W is normally on AIM 24/7 (i mean even when he's sleeping, etc) but pretty much the moment RIGHT AFTER he deleted me from facebook he disappeared from AIM as well. This is strange because the screen name he uses with me is the same as one he uses with his friends, coworkers, etc and I remember he told me that he likes to be on AIM to chat with ppl all the time. I know he's not on vacation. I know he didnt block me cuz I go on with another sn and he's not there either. Is he really trying to avoid me to the point where he either he 1) is scared to even log onto AIM eventhough he normally loves to chat with ppl or 2) changed his sn eventhough that means he will have to notify all his friends?
I know I should stop obsessing and get over it, but really it perplexes me. I mean even if I did hurt him, do guys actually go to such extremes to get over a girl? I dont understand guys at all.
Last edited by fray718; 22nd May 2007 at 2:50 PM..
Yes, you obviously said the wrong thing to this guy about your ex, and yes, by mentioning him again in your voicemail you probably sent the wrong signal again. Add that to the fact you have this facebook thing and guys approaching you , he is probably very insecure in the relationship...but.....
He is handling this very poorly and childish. Ok, you screwed up, shouldn't he be man enough to talk to you about it? As has been pointed out in my thread, just disappearing is wrong.
You screwed up but have made attempts to rectify it. I guess the question you have to ask yourself is do you really want a relationship with a guy who is so incapable of discussing issues? If he truly likes you and is bothered by your comparison, he should be man enough to discuss this, not hide. I can assure you if you grovel enough to get him back, he will pull this again and again.
You deserve someone a little more grown up than this baby.
It's very annoying to listen to a woman talk about her EX, its even worse when women claim to just be friends now.., Bla Bla Bla...,
Everybody has a past sure enough, but NOT everyone wants to hear about yours OR be compared to an EX.
I only talked about it that ONE time and never mentioned it again....but grrr I can see how my comment about my ex prob bothered him. I didn't dish out the comment until after 4 dates...he prob felt hurt or that those 4 dates were 'fake'....I know I hurt him cuz I know if a guy I was dating told me that when he's with me its like hes with his ex, I'd cry.
But shockandawed, yes I AM angry that he cant' face me and he just hid from me...the whole disappearing from AIM thing just seems so overboard and bizarre to me though. I mean yes you say he is a baby but honestly I really want him back nonetheless. He is in his early 20s but he's already started and sold a company and he's the leading position of a team...and all this I did not hear from him, but read from business articles!
I think I'm going to call him again in a few days and tell him that we can just meet up again and act as if all this disappearing act never happened. He probably regrets having done this but he is a guy who has more pride than anyone I know and I think this is the only way he will come back...if I do not drill him on it but rather just let this one pass and tell him that I wont mention it again and I'll let it go because we've all done crazy/impulsive things before.
Oh wow this is bizarre....so what do you all think of this?
I forgot to mention that last time I saw him I initiated dating exclusively and he said yea he never dates more than one girl anyway. Well finally this morning he emailed me saying that he's actually been very depressed for past few weeks (understandable cuz he was engaged and it broke off just 7 months ago and he's new in the area and has a new job and is away from his family for first time in his life) and that when we had the talk about 'us' he thought about it and he got a panic attack and it added anxiety on top of his depression and he didn't know why he deleted me from facebook except that it was a knee jerk reaction and he even said he needs a therapist . He thanked me for time spent with him and said best we go our separate ways . Im totally hurt by this.
I think either:
1) He made this up to let me down easily (reality is that he doesnt really like me ) but then again he went so far as to change his AIM screen name and delete me from facebook and I can see based on his background how he can totally be depressed. It will be really bizarre if he really made this up.
2) In my voicemail I mentioned the whole ex thing and in this email to me he didn't comment on my ex thing at all so maybe this is his excuse for saving his ego (this guy DOES have a huge ego cuz when i told him bout my ex he said that he's not mad at all....but really how can anyone not be mad or hurt by it) and saying that he's ending it cuz hes depressed and not because I hurt him when in reality he was hurt by that whole ex thing
3) He is telling the truth and he really does have issues and depression problems. My whole ex thing added to it but it really was not the cause of it and the cause of it was that i initiated the whole exclusivity thing and he really just freaked out cuz he just was engaged 7 mnths ago.
What's the reason behind this? I think he's telling the truth but I guess I will never know for sure. If he indeed is telling the truth, I feel really bad that I caused him to have a panic attack and now he needs a therapist .
Last edited by fray718; 24th May 2007 at 12:40 AM..
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. He thanked me for time spent with him and said best we go our separate ways 
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