Taking the last name

IpAncA · 20th May 2007, 9:49 PM

I have no freaking idea where to post this so if it goes somewhere else, make it so.

Besides this section gets more traffic.

Okay so I was wondering if any of you took your SO's last name. I know I know I shouldn't have to ask this but it's becoming more common to not so I'm asking. Also if you didn't how did you guys work it out if you had children?

Actually the guys could weigh in on it. Married or not. Would you have a problem if your SO didn't take your name? What if her reason was to pass on the family name or something along the lines?

Curmudgeon · 20th May 2007, 10:02 PM

My wife and I had that discussion. She wanted to keep her last name, primarily for professional reasons. I could have gone along with that, professionally, except for one slight problem. The last name she was using was her former married name because of her daughters, who also
had it.

That's where I drew the line. I told her that there was no way that my wife was going to use another man's last name except her father's; certainly not a former husband's. Once she and I married she would go from Ms. to Mrs. and I was not going to be married to Mrs. FormerHusband'sLastName. It sounded adulterous to me.

I'd have given her up before I would have given in.

She took my last name.

luvstarved · 20th May 2007, 10:10 PM

LOL Curmudgeon, I was in the same boat...actually, I simply liked the sound of my ex's last name better than my H's...silly but true!

I never even brought it up with H though. I knew it just wasn't "right" so even though I THOUGHT about keeping the old name, I took my H's last name.

I am all for equality and hurray for women but I am also a very practical woman and I just felt like taking my H's last name and giving it also to the children would be the most straightforward, least confusing thing to do.

Of course, I still have two daughters with a DIFFERENT last name, but...what ya gonna do???

serial muse · 20th May 2007, 10:11 PM

Hi IpAncA - there's a very interesting older thread on this topic that might give some insight into different points of view: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t76479/

Not that you shouldn't get responses on your own thread, too! But it's good additional reading material.

(and Curmudgeon - that seems perfectly reasonable to me!!)

alphamale · 20th May 2007, 10:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by IpAncA

Would you have a problem if your SO didn't take your name?

yes, before me and the ex wife married we had a HUGE blowout about this. She didn't want to take my last name but then she finally decided to hyphenate. Three yrs later I decided to file for divorce.

Curmudgeon · 20th May 2007, 10:16 PM

LOL! My/Our last name is hard for people to spell and even harder for them to pronounce if they're reading it. Her former last name was quite common and very simple.

Oh, well! My wife. My last name.

Both of her daughters were adults when we married.

Curmudgeon · 20th May 2007, 10:17 PM

Disliked the hyphen that much, huh?

IpAncA · 20th May 2007, 10:18 PM

Well since this has been done never mind.

Diamonds&Rust · 20th May 2007, 10:45 PM

I was really glad she didn't want to take my last name, but if we ever accidentally had children, I would want them to have my last name.

serial muse · 20th May 2007, 10:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by IpAncA

Well since this has been done never mind.

Oh no! I didn't mean to stop the thread - there are lots of new posters since then anyway, and some of them might have new thoughts. Just wanted to offer some ancient wisdom.

Trialbyfire · 20th May 2007, 10:59 PM

I took my exes last name because it was so important to him. My personal preference for professional reasons, was not to. Wish I had kept my boundaries on that one...

Hyphenating our last names was not an option. The two combined was hilarious.

alphamale · 20th May 2007, 11:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Trialbyfire

Hyphenating our last names was not an option. The two combined was hilarious.

what was it like "Anal-Sphincter"?

Trialbyfire · 20th May 2007, 11:11 PM

It was far, far worse than that. Way more syllables and if said quickly, could earn you a slap across the face.

Mustang Sally · 21st May 2007, 12:59 PM

I hyphenated.
For professional reasons (I wanted to keep some semblance of my name professionally), but also because it was important to H for me to have his last name and make our little "club." Now, that seems a bit ridiculous to me, like he needed me to "belong" to him or something - like property? Or like a dog marking it's territory??? However, I'm perfectly willing to admit that I may be hyperacute about this because we are having a rough time right now....Maybe it's the hyphen's fault?

Our kids all have his last name. And I agree with TBF. Wish I'd just kept my own last name and been done with it. I asked him before we were married why he didn't take my last name??? Boy, what a look I got for that! Male-centered culture that we live in....

IpAncA · 21st May 2007, 6:02 PM

I kept my name for professional reasons. My degrees are in my name and my most important one is in my name. Everyone knows me by my orginial last name so I decided to stick with it. Plus my last name is unique. No one outside of my family has it and never will. I guess I felt it was important to keep my orginial name.

Now I do have my bother who could pass down the name IF he ever has children but he's almost 30 and still single. I doubt he'll be getting married and having children soon. He's neglecting his name duty and it's ticking me off.