Hi,

I have a problem. My girlfriend has recently been gaining somw weight. It began to bug me a few weeks ago. I felt like such a pig, soI didn't say anything. I think that she's otherwise perfect, however, it just kept bugging me. I told her about it recently because I felt like we should talk it through, since that usually helps me see all sides of the picture and stuff. But then she stopped talking to me and things are pretty bad now. I don't know what to do now and I feel like an *******.

thanks

david

hi david,

if your girlfriend's weight gain is within a healthy range for her height then i have one thing to say - get over it!!

unless she was a heavy girl to start with and her weight gain could cause health problems, then you have nothing to worry about. but i get the impression that the problem is not to do with her health, but with your superficiality. i don't blame her for not talking to you.

you think your girlfriend is perfect and then - shock horror - she gains some weight. whoopdee doo! that is really shallow, and you are feeling like an assh*le because you are behaving like one.

you're obviously not with her for all the right reasons. she's sensed this, you've probably made her feel undesirable, she knows that you are being shallow and she is mighty hurt by this. can you blame her??

just think, if you were to put on weight, how would you feel if your girlfriend left you? you'd be mighty pissed off wouldn't you? you'd be angry with her because you haven't changed one little bit on the inside, you're still exactly the same person except you've put on weight. do you have a perfect buff body? probably not. does she let it bug her? probably not.

god forbid when you get married oneday and have children. are you going to point out the weight gain then?

i don't mean to sound cold david, but you have a lot of growing up to do if you're going to let your girlfriends appearance bug you so much.

just remember, there are a lot of other guys out there who will think she's beautiful no matter what she looks like. perhaps you have done her a favour by showing your shallowness here.

[Tony T]

Women are EXTREMELY sensitive about their weight...and appearance in general. You are always treading over a mine field when you discuss a woman's weight with her.

But you are correct to be concerned and, if you were discrete and kind, you were correct to mention it. The brutal fact is that most men AND women are NOT attracted to fat. In most cases, it just isn't conducive to great romance. Overweight people will fight me all day on this but that's just the way it is.

You have no idea how many wonderful relationships have gone down the tube because one of the partners gained an inordinate amount of weight over a period of time and the partner became gradually repulsed. Sexual attraction requires physical attraction.

The shape of someone's body can be one indication of the importance they place on the relationship. Letting oneself go can be a sign of taking the relationship for granted. In the early stages of a relationship, both males and females pay very close attention to their appearance and especially weight. Nobody wants to enter into a sexual relationship with someone with flab hanging from all sides of their torso.

If your lady is beginning to gain weight, she may have no control over it. She may need medical attention. It may be a sign of metabolic or psychological problems. Or it may just be that you are taking her to too many nice restaurants. But is it far better for you to put her on notice that you are concerned about her growing size than for you to drop her like a hot potato when she gets up to 250 pounds.

Yes, you can love an overweight person dearly but have a great desire to date someone else who is in better shape.

Don't feel like an *******. You did what you had to do...as long as you were very sensitive about how you told her. If she doesn't talk to you, that means she is very sensitive about this weight condition...but if she really cares about you it will motivate her to do something about it.

A lot of overweight people will definitely tell you that it's personality and not appearance that counts and for some that may be very true. But for the majority of people, fat is a gross turn-off. More than just a few divorces have their origins in massive overweight problems.

If your lady speaks to you ever again, you might suggest the two of you go together to WeightWatchers, which is an excellent and inexpensive program designed to help people lose and/or control their weight by eating sensibly. In many countries, especially America, many people eat about twice what they really need to.

Restaurants saturate food with butter, oils, etc. to make it taste better and serve portions way beyond what is necessary. I guess that's to make people feel they're getting their money's worth. But it's a whole lot better to leave half on your plate than to take on the calories. By learning to order properly and to split meals heavy in fat, you and your lady could live a wonderful life together, live longer, have more energy and be much happier.

The two of you can also join a gym, walk, run, etc. or do other physical activities together to stay in shape. Help her on this and be kind and supportive. Many people feel they just have no control over their weight but once they see the pounds melt off their self esteem shoots to the moon.

There can be many factors that affect people who become overweight. Eating habits, psychological problems, the effects of medication, stress, and a whole lot more are among the causes. Everybody needs to get to the root of their problem and do something about it.

Computers have recently become a major cause of bubble butt. People who spend a lot of time in front of the screen should spend an equal amount of time at the gym or exercising in some fashion.

Obesity has become one of the top five most serious diseases and a contributor to premature death in the United States, according to the Center for Disease Control in Atlanta. A recent study found that more than sixty percent of adults were overweight and the frequency of obesity in children and teens is on the rise. Such maladies as heart disease, hypertension (high blood pressure), diabetes, insomnia, etc. increase dramatically in people who are overweight.

Many overweight people suffer from sleep apnea and are unable to get quality sleep. As soon as some of the weight comes off, their whole world changes for the better.

So if this lady doesn't come around, go find somebody who cares about their appearance, their health and their relationship. And don't feel bad. Most men are not attracted to fat...plain and simple. And most ladies aren't either. Beer belly on men is the ugliest thing on the planet.

To learn more about why you are right here, use your favorite search engine to look up sites on "obesity." There are no less than a billion pages on the subject within the world wide web.