Would this be a deal breaker for you, or no big deal?
Hey, you can probably tell that this is my little obsession right now from my last 2 posts, but I keep writing posts that are way too wordy and getting no reply cuz I'm too damn chatty but what I want to know boils down to this:
(Background: I'm 21, he's 23; I'm graduating from undergrad in Dec and he is finishing grad school, we've been together 4 months so far.)
If you had been with someone for 9 months and then they went away to study abroad for 2.5 months, assuming you were still getting along at that point would that be a deal breaker for you or would you wait it out and want to continue to be together?
Obviously it is still a ways away and who knows if things will still be great and worth keeping at that point, but if they are I know that 11 weeks is no big deal for me if I'm waiting for someone I really care about, but I am not sure if that is how most people would feel or if 11 weeks really is a big deal. I guess I'm asking because I want to talk to him about it but I don't want to act like my view on the matter is the obvious one if it is generally unrealistic.
Talk to him. Ask him how he feels about the relationship, you and where it's heading. I could tell you to wait for him, but until you know where his head is at, there isn't much I can say. I mean, I wouldn't advise you to wait for him without knowing how he feels, and how serious he thinks the relationship is.
Be honest, speak from your heart and take it from there.
Funny you should mention this topic. I had a girlfriend in college who signed up to study her entire senior year in England.
We were semi-serious and I considered her marriage material...until she signed up for this.
She wanted to break up just for the year while she was gone and said she wanted to get back together once she came home. She said we should just take a break while she was gone.
Well, if HE wanted to take a break I would say have a nice life, I don't do 'breaks,' but if she had wanted to stay connected would you have gone for it?
Also, he MIGHT do Peace Corps for two years, in which case that would definitely be a deal breaker for both of us, but 11 weeks is really different than 2 years or even one year.
Funny you should mention this topic. I had a girlfriend in college who signed up to study her entire senior year in England.
We were semi-serious and I considered her marriage material...until she signed up for this.
She wanted to break up just for the year while she was gone and said she wanted to get back together once she came home. She said we should just take a break while she was gone.
I told her to have a nice life.
I'm a big fan of seeing the world if possible when you're young. Were you willing to have a long distance relationship with her for a year if she asked that? I don't know, I can see her point, that is a great opportunity to study abroad. I'm glad I did.It honestly made me a better person to live in another country for 7 months. It would have been worth losing a guy over, and if a guy would lose me because I wanted to grab an opportunity to do something wonderful like study abroad, it would be 'good riddance' to him.
Well, if HE wanted to take a break I would say have a nice life, I don't do 'breaks,' but if she had wanted to stay connected would you have gone for it?
Also, he MIGHT do Peace Corps for two years, in which case that would definitely be a deal breaker for both of us, but 11 weeks is really different than 2 years or even one year.
If it is really love for the both of you, it will work itself out, 11 weeks is nothing. even two years is nothing with real love.
I agree with WWIU - talk to him. As long as you have a mutual understanding of the situation, 11 weeks doesn't seem to me like a big deal. Then again, I'm not 21 any more. Anyway, you don't want to base your expectations on unspoken assumptions.
__________________ All that is now, All that is gone, All that's to come, and everything under the sun is in tune...
I'm a big fan of seeing the world if possible when you're young. Were you willing to have a long distance relationship with her for a year if she asked that?
Yes...but the fact she wanted to break it off while she was gone told me she wanted to see the world and other men...sorry...I don't play that.
Quote:
I don't know, I can see her point, that is a great opportunity to study abroad. I'm glad I did.It honestly made me a better person to live in another country for 7 months. It would have been worth losing a guy over, and if a guy would lose me because I wanted to grab an opportunity to do something wonderful like study abroad, it would be 'good riddance' to him.
It had nothing to do with her leaving..she wanted to break it off while she was gone.
In other words..she wanted her freedom, but wanted to string me along.
She wanted to scew around with other men while gone..but wanted me to wait for her.
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Anyway, you don't want to base your expectations on unspoken assumptions.
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