should i attend this funeral?

3rd April 2001, 4:13 PM

Two of my boyfriend co workers died in car crash this past weekend. One is in the hospital about 40 miles from where we live. My boyfriend mentioned that he will attend a memorial service for one of the guys and that he will visit the other one in the hospital. Do you think i should attend this memorial service? or go to the hospital? i just used to say hi to the guys that passed away, but i just to talk to the one in the hospital eventhough were not friends. By the way my boyfriend hasn't ask me to go with him.

Tony T · 3rd April 2001, 4:21 PM

It makes no difference one way or the other. However, out of respect for your boyfriend, you should ask him if he would like you to go with him. If these people were close to him, this could be a difficult time for him and he could probably use your support.

If he says it's up to you, then GO. If he says it's not necessary for you to go, tell him you would like to go. If he says he doesn't want you to go, then forget it.

It is during situations like this that smart men observe the behavior and supportiveness of their girlfriends. This is an excellent opportunity for you to show him you are there for him when he needs you. Don't push yourself into the situation...just make the offer.

3rd April 2001, 4:48 PM

They were not close friends in fact he is not affected by it, he says he's going for courtesy. should i still go?

Tony T · 3rd April 2001, 5:19 PM

Again, let your boyfriend know you're willing to go with him if he wishes. Go if he wants, forget it if he doesn't. Simple as that. At least, make the offer.

Funerals are not fun things and, since this guy was not that close of a friend, it might be nice for your boyfriend to be with somebody he knows well, YOU.

3rd April 2001, 8:21 PM

hi monica,

if i were you, i would ask him if he would like you to come along for moral support. funerals are not comfortable situations at the best of times.

if he says "yes", go with him. if he doesn't feel he needs someone with him, don't go.

a friend of mine died last year that my boyfriend at the time didn't really know. he asked if i wanted him there, but i said "no", mainly because i felt a bit weird about him coming along when he didn't really know the guy. but i did ask him to meet me at my house after the funeral because i knew then, i would need a shoulder to cry on and moral support.

so ask him if he would like you to attend, and if he says "no", let him know you will be there for him if he needs someone to talk to afterwards.