help! I've been seeing this guy from India and he says his parents are trying to arrange his marriage. I feel hes old enough to make his own decisions, but he says he must abide by his parents wishes or he will be shunned by his community.

[sparkle]

Go down to a post written on Tuesday, March 27, titled:

"HOW DO WE GET OUT OF AN ARRANGED MARRIAGE?"

--Serendipity and Destiny

Read all the replies to this post. It should help.

Your situation, however, is different. It's not your marriage being arranged, but rather your boyfriend's.

You can read the replies and take that information to your boyfriend. Maybe he's looking for help on how to get out of this arrangement. So this information will provide him with different views and options.

But remember, you can only do so much. All you can do is to discuss this with your boyfriend and tell him how you feel about it, but you cannot make the decision for him. He is the ONLY one that must ultimately decide how he will handle this.

Maybe he does want an arranged marriage, who knows? Personally, I hardly see anything wrong with one AS LONG AS both the girl and guy fully agree to it. It occurs in many different countries and cultures and is considered the 'more acceptable' thing to do in those places. Maybe he still holds those same cultural views. And if he wants to go ahead with this, there is nothing you can do to change his mind.

But what you CAN do is choose to stay with him or leave him while he thinks this over. If he's told you he "must abide by his parents' wishes" and you still continue to talk to him, maybe he'll get the idea that you'll stay with him even though you know he's getting married. And he'll continue to talk to you up to the day he gets married, then he'll be gone. Leaving you worse off because you didn't leave him sooner.

So think about it. If he thinks he should go ahead with it, I'd leave him ASAP.

Go down to a post written on Tuesday, March 27, titled: "HOW DO WE GET OUT OF AN ARRANGED MARRIAGE?"

--Serendipity and Destiny Read all the replies to this post. It should help. Your situation, however, is different. It's not your marriage being arranged, but rather your boyfriend's. You can read the replies and take that information to your boyfriend. Maybe he's looking for help on how to get out of this arrangement. So this information will provide him with different views and options. But remember, you can only do so much. All you can do is to discuss this with your boyfriend and tell him how you feel about it, but you cannot make the decision for him. He is the ONLY one that must ultimately decide how he will handle this. Maybe he does want an arranged marriage, who knows? Personally, I hardly see anything wrong with one AS LONG AS both the girl and guy fully agree to it. It occurs in many different countries and cultures and is considered the 'more acceptable' thing to do in those places. Maybe he still holds those same cultural views. And if he wants to go ahead with this, there is nothing you can do to change his mind. But what you CAN do is choose to stay with him or leave him while he thinks this over. If he's told you he "must abide by his parents' wishes" and you still continue to talk to him, maybe he'll get the idea that you'll stay with him even though you know he's getting married. And he'll continue to talk to you up to the day he gets married, then he'll be gone. Leaving you worse off because you didn't leave him sooner.

So think about it. If he thinks he should go ahead with it, I'd leave him ASAP. Thanx Sparkle,

Yeah I guess my situation is a little different. We really do get along well, he's just right for me, kind, funny, loves to dance, likes kids, friendly with every one, and yeas very attractive, however, he does know I won't be around if he goes through with it. I asked him what if you get someone who doesn't like this or that and he just says he'll have to go out, ect.... How can parents arrange marriages like this and expect them to work and for them to be truly be committed to each other. They bring them here or they're born here "American" and then when it comes to some thing so important they're not allowed that one truly important decision. Thanx for listening