The A has been over for 25 days now. W has been driving around my house non stop. I couldn't figure out why she was doing that unless she wanted to talk to me. Today at 4:00 after seeing her again, I sent her an email saying: "I am very sorry to have hurt you. If you have questions, I will answer them." 1 hour later, my phone rang and it was her calling from a payphone. She asked if I would be honest with her. I told her I would be as honest as I could. She asked again if I would be honest with her. I told her the same thing. She then asked me if MM had asked me to lie for him. I said yes. She asked again if I would be honest with her. I said yes. She then thanked me and said "you have no idea how much I appreciate this." She is coming to my house in a 1/2 of hour. I hope I am doing the right thing. The way I see it if MM hates me for being honest, then I can live with him hating me. I can't be a part of such a big lie anymore.
You are doing the right thing. I'm sure it won't be easy to admit certain things, answer her questions and own up to your part in the affair, but you are doing something good - I hope a weight is lifted off your shoulders, and that this helps YOU get closure so you can move on with your life.
Sil... i take it the your MM's W has been and gone and i assuming that all went ok and i would just like to say how much i respect u for having the balls to even contemplate talking to the W
I wanted to speak to my ex H's OW formaly a good friend but she just didn't have it in her and TBH sometimes i'm glad i din't get to speak to her..working on the theory of what we don't know can't hurt us!!
and besides i probably would have bypassed the talking and shoved her head where the sun don't shine (sorry i am really a lady HONEST!!)
U have done something most women would run away from good on U
oops soz burriedalive i started a comment for sil and went on to this...i really shouln't start posting until i've had at least 5 cups of tea in the morning
Over the past year, I have made mistake after mistake, bad decision after bad decision. Well, my friends, I have made the choice not to be burried alive and today is the start of my new life. I came totally clean with W. She showed up with last night with a bottle of wine and an open mind and together with created MM's worst nightmare. She was very respectful of me and appreciative that finally someone was giving her honest answers. I was very respectful of her as well and did nothing to put salt in her wounds. I had made the decision that I would no longer have any part of this affair and I would never sleep with W's or any other woman's man again. I am worth more than that and I deserve more than that. MM had actually seen the email I sent to her before she did. He could have deleted it but he didn't. He told her that there was a message for her from me and got very mad at her when he realized that she wanted to talk to me. She was gone for 6 hours from the house after she read my message. She also told me that she had asked him for my phone number that very day. Anyway, after our little talk, she agreed not to tell him what she knew without telling me first. I went to work today and he ignored me until finally after lunch I said hi to him. He was obviously mad at me for sending the message but never asked if we had talked or not. He didn't ask W either. W and I have basically both came to the realization that MM is very torn between me and the life that he has with her. She told me that their good marriage was more like a good arrangement. He doesn't know what he wants and he won't even be honest with himself. Anyway, to make a long story short and after my talking to W many times today, he was still telling her tonight that we had a very short fling last fall and it meant nothing.
This guy has big problems. If he does separate with W (which is what I think will happen because of his lack devotion to honesty), he is going to have to do a lot of changing for me before there is ever a chance that he will be allowed back in my life. I don't want this crazy messed up man.
Empower yourself. Everyone deserves self-respect and the only person who can give it to you is you. Listen to that inner person that says, "I AM WORTH MORE. I RESPECT MYSELF.".
I have to commend you for opening up to the wife. I know that must have been hard to contact her, not knowing what to expect. If I could commend her for being a "big person" as well, I would.
At least now you don't have to continue waiting for the "confrontation." That must have made sleep easier last night. After all, the affair is already over, so what can the MM do to hurt you now?
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Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional (Zen aphorism)
I still have to work with him and at least now if they do stay together, she will trust me enough to let us get our work done.... Also, I don't have hard feelings for him, just pity. He is really a lost soul.
I still have to work with him and at least now if they do stay together, she will trust me enough to let us get our work done.... Also, I don't have hard feelings for him, just pity. He is really a lost soul.
Pity is a crack in your armour. Don't let it dominate you 'cause a guy like that will use it to break through again.
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