Cheating, Flirting, and JealousyBeing unfaithful to your significant other or suspect them of the same? Can't stand the way they flirt? Jealous? Discuss your experiences here.
Me, I think they're a matter of pure fiction. I think people fantasize about soul mates and then use them as some sort of ideal. Sometimes this fantasy is so powerful it drives people away from the partner they're with, not so much because their 'soul mate' is so great, but because they are having a hard time dealing with the imperfections of a person they know inside-out. The soul mate becomes a yard stick - someone that is difficult, if not impossible, for their partner to measure up to. Not because the partner is so bad, but because it's all in the head of the person who's doing the judging. Soul mates are fiction, dude...they're an escape, just like a bottle of booze.
Your thoughts.
__________________ Should have been dead on a Sunday morning bangin' my head, no time for mournin', ain't got no time -- My Own Prison, Creed
the concept of the "soul mate" is a female invention and therefore is utterly illogical and reeks of emotion and feelings-based thinking.
It may seem sexist, but I think I have to agree. I think it's Hollywood/Oprah crap that has gone way out of control -- so much so that a lot of wussy-boy men have gotten into the act as well.
I agree with you on many levels. The main thing I dislike about the term soulmate, is that it implies there is only one person out there who will work for you as a partner. I don't believe that.
I also do agree that falling in love with someone or lust is like an addiction and is no excuse for bad behavior.
You went on to say on your other thread that people should use practical means to choose a partner, like their character, their level of responsibility, their work ethic, their kindness, etc. And while I agree that all those are essential in a good mate, you can still be missing something if you only use common sense to choose your partner in life. Even if you feel warm fuzzies for the person. There has to be a strong romantic spark there too, in addition to those other things you mentioned. I think women tend to make the mistake of choosing someone with all these things whom they don't lust after, and then being surprised when they find themselves not wanting to have sex with the guy after the intial rush wears off.
I agree with you on many levels. The main thing I dislike about the term soulmate, is that it implies there is only one person out there who will work for you as a partner. I don't believe that.
I also do agree that falling in love with someone or lust is like an addiction and is no excuse for bad behavior.
You went on to say on your other thread that people should use practical means to choose a partner, like their character, their level of responsibility, their work ethic, their kindness, etc. And while I agree that all those are essential in a good mate, you can still be missing something if you only use common sense to choose your partner in life. Even if you feel warm fuzzies for the person. There has to be a strong romantic spark there too, in addition to those other things you mentioned. I think women tend to make the mistake of choosing someone with all these things whom they don't lust after, and then being surprised when they find themselves not wanting to have sex with the guy after the intial rush wears off.
I am not an expert at love. If I were, I'd write books and make millions.
I just go by what I see in other people, and the most successful couples I've seen have genuinely just appeared to be at ease in each other's company. That's not to say that they enjoy every day with each other, but they seem to appreciate one another as friends, people and sometimes, lovers.
I think permanent relationships are like space flight. You need a lot of energy at first to get it into space. Then, something else takes over. I think you need a lot of fire early in a relationship, but it fades in time. In the end, you need to appreciate the other person, as a person.
People also need to drop the ego in relationships. That's one thing I've had to learn. One reason I have failed in past relationships. In a way, it has been good for me to sit out a few months and take a break from dating. I'm taking things in and understanding a lot about my past behavior that I didn't before.
But soulmates? Nah, I don't buy it. I think it's a destructive concept on a number of levels.
I agree with you on many levels. The main thing I dislike about the term soulmate, is that it implies there is only one person out there who will work for you as a partner. I don't believe that.
I also do agree that falling in love with someone or lust is like an addiction and is no excuse for bad behavior.
You went on to say on your other thread that people should use practical means to choose a partner, like their character, their level of responsibility, their work ethic, their kindness, etc. And while I agree that all those are essential in a good mate, you can still be missing something if you only use common sense to choose your partner in life. Even if you feel warm fuzzies for the person. There has to be a strong romantic spark there too, in addition to those other things you mentioned. I think women tend to make the mistake of choosing someone with all these things whom they don't lust after, and then being surprised when they find themselves not wanting to have sex with the guy after the intial rush wears off.
sexual attraction is the only important factor ultimately. i tend to agree with that. but theres no such thing as romance, its another invention
I just go by what I see in other people, and the most successful couples I've seen have genuinely just appeared to be at ease in each other's company. That's not to say that they enjoy every day with each other, but they seem to appreciate one another as friends, people and sometimes, lovers.
I just don't know about the sometimes lovers thing. I really believe you should marry someone you want to jump. It might not be all physical. It is about the chemistry between your personality and theirs.
I sometimes think if everything is tranquil then that is a sign the chemistry isn't there. Some amount of imbalance or push and pull and lack of predictability seems important to retain the spark.
I read somewhere that the marriages which stay highly charged sexually are those with some manageable conflict.
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I think permanent relationships are like space flight. You need a lot of energy at first to get it into space. Then, something else takes over. I think you need a lot of fire early in a relationship, but it fades in time. In the end, you need to appreciate the other person, as a person.
In general I like your analogy, but if I don't continue to appreciate him as a MAN and want to jump him, then three years into our relationship he's going to be complaining that he's not gettin' any.
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People also need to drop the ego in relationships.
I'm with you there.
When I think about how my grandparents got married, and other people in the WWII era, it doesn't seem that they had to worry as much about marrying someone devoid of character. The ideas of holding a job, being there for your kids, staying married, were more of a given. I think values were more standard across society, providing a framework so people could focus on marrying someone who gave them that spark. (I know people still had affairs, were alcoholics, etc. I'm not trying to glorify the past, but we have to reinvent the wheel these days because society has changed so much. We think so much we don't know how to follow our guts, which, in a simpler time, people still knew.)
No I don't. I use to but after a while my belief is that not everyone is meant to be with someone. Some will always be single.
I could never figure this out. What happends if your with someone for say 25 years. You divorce and find someone else. Who then is the soulmate? Sure you could say it's number 2 but at the time you were with the first person they probably were. And what happends if that person always stayed with the first person even though they were unhappy. Does that mean they would never meet their soulmate?
See it's confusing to me and yet I have no idea what I wrote. Guess my point is that there is to many "What if's."
I agree with you on many levels. The main thing I dislike about the term soulmate, is that it implies there is only one person out there who will work for you as a partner. I don't believe that.
Exactly. And for that to be true, that means one person out of 3 billion people. Which means you'd have to meet one person every half second to find your soul mate.
So yeah, the concept of the "soul mate" is just an overly romanticized term for someone that you have good compatibility with.
I don't know about the term 'soulmates' perse...I mean I do believe there could be more than one person who you could be ultimately compatible with, so I don't think you need to go out searching and there's only going to be one right person in the world for you.
That said, I have met people who are truly soulmates. By that I mean they rock each other to the inner core, and more. My sister and BIL have been married 10 years and they have such a special connection. They just "get" each other and love to be around each other still. You just have to meet a couple like that or be in a relationship like that yourself to really get it.
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Guess my point is that there is to many "What if's."
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