[geekpink]

About 6 weeks ago, my ex and I broke-up. I was a long-distance relationship from the get go and two years later we began struggling. We BOTH became lazy and were just going through the motions. Along with some hateful and mean things that were said by him, which he later took back, he sent an e-mail to break thing off. I thought it was a mutual feeling that this was the right thing for the moment but a few days later he had changed him mind and took all the blame for the relationship (too much trying to change me and anger issues) I refused saying I still needed time to make sure this wasn't just a 'get back together to avoid being alone' reaction from either of us. He agreed, never complained, but I guess deep down he was really hurt.

I e-mailed him last week asking if we should perhaps try to make some changes to make things work. He responded by tell me that for the past two weeks he had told his friends and family about everything he knew about me. That's two years worth of information that I had told him in confidence, every bad choice I had made, every event that's ever happened in my life, everything... I am not ashamed of everything, but those were my things to share and not his. It was my inner workings and not his to throw around. He said... "I turned you into a Monster to my friends and family so I could get over you and now they hate you so even though I still want to be with you, how could you knowing that these people now know so much about you"....

I am SO SO SO angry! How do you just break all that trust you had with someone? How do you wait two weeks to give up on a 2 year relationship. We were practically engaged! I was a part of his family and now I feel embarrassed at the thought of ever meeting them somewhere. I just don't understand it. On top of that, wouldn't it have been easier to just tell me they hate me for breaking his heart instead of telling me all of that? I want to believe it's just that he wanted to be honest but maybe it was purely out of the need to hurt me back?

Has anyone ever done this/experienced this? Any insight on what would possess someone to do that? And how did this help him get over me? Am I overreacting?

[annabelle75]

I know exactly what you are feeling. My ex-husband turned me into a monster in order to explain to his friends and family why I left him. In our case it wouldn’t have mattered because I had no intention of coming back to him, but we have a daughter together. At the time he said he had to do it in order to get over me. I believed it was immature and cruel. Instead of taking responsibility for his part in the demise of our marriage, he had to make people believe I was some sort of heartless bitch that was borderline abusive. It may have given him some temporary satisfaction to make people hate me but in the end he is the one suffering because of it.

He created a hostile environment for me with his friends and family, so they are no longer allowed to attend any functions where I am present. This includes our daughter’s recitals, birthday parties and so on. Its sad because he and I have become good friends now. We even get together at least once a week to have dinner as a family. He realizes his mistake now, but the damage is already done.

I’m sorry you are having to go through this now. I know it hurts, but this should show you how immature he is. You don’t need some one like that in your life. Unless he is willing to go to his friends and family and eat some crow to explain that you aren’t the bad person he tried to make you out to be, you are better off just cutting him out of your life for good. People who are suppose to love and care about you, shouldn’t treat you like that.

[geekpink]

Thanks for your reply Annabelle75. I'm sorry to hear that you had to go through that as well but I'm glad you were eventually able to have a friendship with him.

I wanted one day to be able to look back on our relationship, and think 'He was an amazing guy just not the one for me' and instead at the moment I can't even fathom any kind of communication with him in the future without feeling angry.

It's weird though, I have moments when I wish he didn't do it so we could get back together even though I now know he is capable of being a hurtful person and definitely the wrong person for me.

I don't think he would ever go back on what he said to them, and it seemed from his e-mail that he really didn't see that it was a bad thing to do, just something he needed to get on with his life and sorry if it hurt but too bad. So you are right that it's just better to cut the strings and be glad he is out of my life.