After not wanting to call at all yesterday, today I am having a hell of a time not doing it. I want to call him, though, to rip him a new one. I am really, really angry today. The reality of all of this is setting in. And boy is it pissing me off. I cannot believe I fell for all of those lies. And you know what, I fell for him because I thought he treated me better than any man has ever treated me. But now looking back, he was actually pretty awful about a lot of stuff. I guess he just had a "charming" way of doing it. But I'm not sure I can think of much he did that wasn't terribly selfish. And somehow, he made my standards become so low that every tiny crumb he threw me, I thought he was a flippin' god.
Do you know the sonfoab, when I gave him the ultimatum and told him to make the choice NOW, actually told me that I needed to wait a few days. It wasn't until I started yelling that there was no way I was waiting 2 more days and he'd better end it or tell his wife. He said he was sick and I was making him sicker...he tried saying I was giving him a heart attack. You know, the guy can bike ride 2 miles a day, have sex for about 4 hours straight, function perfectly on 3 hours of sleep a night, but he gets yelled at and he's having a heart attack.
UGH!
I just want to scream at him and ask him how he could have done this to me?! I treated him LIKE GOLD!!!!
But I won't. I won't. I'm a smart girl...a big girl. I'm not going back to him for anything, even to be mean.
How do we women keep getting ourselves into this over and over and over again? I know there are good men out there, but there sure aren't enough of them for all of us good women, are there? At what point do I just give up? *sigh*
Write him a letter but do not send it. Vent all your anger down on paper, or on the computer.
Telling him is a waste of time.
I'm glad you're eyes are opening to what your situation really is and you're seeing him for who he is too.
I completely agree with WWIU. In the initial days after dday, I wanted to call exMM and just tear him a new one, the anger made me insane. I vented a lot of my anger to a friend of mine and although that helped quite a bit, I still didn't feel like I was saying it to exMM. I wrote a flaming email, it was awful (and yet so great LOL) and I let everything out..every single feeling, every word of hatred, all the lies, deception..it was so freeing. I saved the note in my drafts in my email and read it everytime I felt weak to remind myself of how much he had lied to me and then I finally deleted it.
Stay strong for yourself and don't give him any power, once you break NC, you are putting the ball back in his hands. (((Hugs)))
A very unfortunate thing is our lives are somewhat intertwined with work and certain social aspects. I'm going to have to see the pecker eventually. Or, maybe, in his chameleon way, he'll just drop out and join another "group." As I've found out, it wouldn't be the first time he did something like that.
I guess, though, I'd rather feel this anger and hold onto it than want him back. Right now, I don't want him back not one bit. Hell, I didn't even cry today and yesterday I only cried when I started thinking about the things that I hoped for that wouldn't happen (like that hope I had that I wouldn't have to be raising my kids alone). Not too bad though for only a few days into it.
A very unfortunate thing is our lives are somewhat intertwined with work and certain social aspects. I'm going to have to see the pecker eventually. Or, maybe, in his chameleon way, he'll just drop out and join another "group." As I've found out, it wouldn't be the first time he did something like that.
I guess, though, I'd rather feel this anger and hold onto it than want him back. Right now, I don't want him back not one bit. Hell, I didn't even cry today and yesterday I only cried when I started thinking about the things that I hoped for that wouldn't happen (like that hope I had that I wouldn't have to be raising my kids alone). Not too bad though for only a few days into it.
Cliche, It's so normal to feel a variety of emotion's when you first are NC. Ofcourse you will be tempted to contact mm, however DON'T! I agree with the above poster's about writing a letter, and if not a letter just thought's on paper. I did that in the early stages of NC and it worked for me. I also now Journal thank's to the advice from Whichway. Journaling help's me to keep track of my thought's. It helps me to read back and look at how far I have come. You can stick to NC, I know you can. Best Wishes!
AP
__________________ “Life is full of beauty. Notice it. Notice the bumble bee, the small child, and the smiling faces. Smell the rain, and feel the wind. Live your life to the fullest potential, and fight for your dreams.
Yeah for anger! Let it work for you right now!! Calling the x only means he still has you where he wants and can keep you attached and at some point smooze his way back in! And if I can make a prediction, he will call you the crazy one IF you do call him and give him a piece of your mind!
Why bother, ot just means he is taking away that much more energy from yo.
Kill him with kindness (that way he will know you HAVE and are moving on) and vent to us!!
Best
__________________
The answer is.....
There is no answer.
He said he was sick and I was making him sicker...he tried saying I was giving him a heart attack. You know, the guy can bike ride 2 miles a day, have sex for about 4 hours straight, function perfectly on 3 hours of sleep a night, but he gets yelled at and he's having a heart attack.
OMG, just OMG!!!! If I have to hear about how I'm making him have heart attack...These guys are simply amazing!!!
Hm. Well I haven't been around for a few weeks and I'm wondering.
Do you know how to tell the difference between a man who is bs-ing and basically a player, and one who is just uncertain about what he wants, and probably does want to leave his situation but doesn't see how he can, quickly... or ever.
... I think women really need to learn the difference. Because yes, some men need a kick in the pants... (and also, avoiding right from the get-go) and others just need avoiding and if you can't do it well move away nicely... they can't do it. and No amount of you being ballsy and demanding is going to make a difference.
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"Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo." ~ H. G. Wells
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“Life is full of beauty. Notice it. Notice the bumble bee, the small child, and the smiling faces. Smell the rain, and feel the wind. Live your life to the fullest potential, and fight for your dreams.
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