[Haste the Day]

Recently I was diagnosted with OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder). Now around last September I had the best relationship I've ever had. She literally (I think) was the one. *But she broke up with me. All this time I thought it was her fault. But after reciving proper treatment for my OCD (60mg of Prozac and .5mg Xanax) I have realized what I did wrong. I think she broke up with me becasue I was trying to be the perfect boyfriend. Always calling her. If she didnt pick up, I'd keep calling her until she did. If she was mad at me I would keep calling her every 1/2 hour until she picked up so I could talk to her (which in theory makes sense but if shes mad at me I need to give her "space") Now Im not a different person, but a changed person and I think I should tell her what I think and that we should try again.

*Note: I left out most of the details becasue I want to get to the point but if you want more just ask. Also Im not a crazy person, just obsessive, I love(d) her with all my heart.

[oppath]

Ok, first of all, don't blame your OCD for the breakup. It may have been an issue, but it is classic depressive behavior to blame yourself and your disease. The breakup may have had nothing to do with your OCD.

Second, it is possible that she did things to exacerbate your OCD. You can't pin all the blame for yourself.

Perhaps it is a good thing you broke up...it forced you to deal with your disease and now you can make progress in your life.

I suffer from depression, panic disorder, and generalized anxiety disorder. Some of my best friends have OCD. I know where you are coming from.

Are you looking for validation that without your OCD you'd still be together? Are you desiring to explain to her your disease to see if you get another shot? If you try explaining yourself to her, you probably won't get the response you want to hear. In fact, if you don't receive exactly what you want to hear, it will likely make things worse for you. Please, discuss these things with your therapist first before taking any actions.

[chaos40]

Maybe she broke up with you after seeing the phone bill she had to pay due to your excessive calling

[oppath]

Chaos, that was very insensitive. Yes, his excessive calling was a mistake. But he is struggling with a very serious medical -- not mental -- condition.

I am in the same boat. I want to tell my ex about my depression. I reacted bad to the breakup because of how it went down on her end; I couldn't cope. Now that I've upped my medications and been in more therapy and had some time, I know why I reacted harshly. Actually, almost everyone would have reacted harshly to how it went down...I had a right to...I just stepped a little over the line, and it was because old wounds that are really the cause of my depression were opened...because of her actions. Had she not asked to be FWB after the breakup, I would have been fine, but it opened up old wounds of being used and abused by people who were supposed to love me, and my mild depression deepened into something very severe. I wish I could explain it to her, I wish I could have her support and affirmation from her that she did value me greatly. But honestly, however I'd try to tell her would be seen as manipulative. All I want to hear is "I understand. That must be tough for you. You are a great guy and it will be ok." Ultimately, I need those feelings to come from within. Yes, if I received EXACTLY what I want to hear, I'd feel much better. However, if she ignored me (which is most likely), or said something harsh, well, I'd feel worse. Don't act on your urges unless your therapist agrees it is an ok course of action.

[Haste the Day]

Wow, its nice to see that so many other people understand and suffer some of the same/similar issues hear. I think now that I should tell her and see what she thinks. Its not going to be a NOW! GO BACK OUT WITH ME! But a "This is what was wrong with me and why I think it failed, Im better now. Try again?" Yes, I know I cant entirely blame myself. She could have adapted more or have been more understanding of how I function. But where still very close (best friends). I just want her to understand at least.

[oppath]

Leave out "why it failed" and leave out "try again?" Get a reaction from her first but don't look too deep into it. If you approach her, do it only as a friend and for minimal support and understanding. Nothing you can say will make her want to be with you. If she wanted to be with you, she would on her terms. Now, if she witnesses how you have changed, perhaps that will rekindle attraction, but do not count on it. You can't tell her how you have changed, she can only see it for herself and determine what type of relationship she wants with you. Telling her will do no good. Let go of that hope. I'd only seek encouragement and support from her as a dear friend.