We are together since 1988

My wife had an emotional affair in 1995

She used to talk to a guy on the phone

I was working outside our city and I only was home at weekends

I asked her to stop several times, but she told he was only a friend
Over the phone she referred him as Mr. Bill (never Bill)

On a sunday when I was home, she went me on the bedroom and went downstairs to the bathroom

Minutes later, I went downstairs too and found her inside the bathroom
talking to Bill over the phone

That hurt me a lot

Faithfulness was very important issue for me and I've been faithful up to that time

But since then I was feeding revenge thoughts

In 2004 I finally started to cheat on her and I was so glad in my revenge

In 2006 I quit cheating on her and became very remorseful, and so
am I up to now

I looked two therapists but they can not set me free of my guilty feelings

The problem is:

1- Her emotional affair hurt me so much, maybe because I thought
she migh have had sex with him

2 -Then I went in revenge

3- Now her emotional affair seems not to be important and remorse and
guilty feelings are greater

Maybe because now it's clear it was only an emotional affair and no
physical meeting

Please advice me

[puddleofmud]

Allow yourself to understand that you were immature and made a mistake about which you are remorseful.
A therapist can't MAKE you do any thing you aren't willing to do...
You had what you "thought" was a revenge affair which was about nothing, actually...and you love your wife and that is that.
Say a little prayer for the person you may have "used" as revenge!
Go forward and "sin no more".

[hurting_in_nw]

Threads like this make me realize that I'm doing the right thing by not trying to reconcile with my cheating wife anymore. Just seems to be something that's too big for most people to get past.