I dont want to...I really dont...but I feel myself slipping towards it, and I am horrified. I managed to keep this thing at bay for a year now..but I can feel this change, and I dont like it one bit. Someone, anyone please help me, give me some pointers on how to stop this thing before it gets out of hand, before it is too late...I dont want to wake up one morning and feel that my life wont be complete without him.
What have some of you done (besides the obvious) to stop "falling in love" dead in its tracks?
Another part of this is that I am wondering about the delayed reaction. Why it took so long? Why it didnt catch me sooner than this? Naturally these things happen with time, I suppose, but this relationship started off warm and inviting, from the very get go.
If you can give abit of history to your situation, I'll try my best to help you.
Thank you Whichway, for responding..
We have been friends for a year....towards the middle of our friendship, he started to weird out on me, and it made things difficult between us. He finally spilled it and told me how in love he was with me, how much he desired me, and how he didnt think he could spend his whole life without me...wellll...it seriously freaked me out, and I started distancing myself from him. It caused alot of drama between us, but I thought I was trying to spare him from ending up with an oddball like me in his life.
You see, he is bright, talented, handsome, deep, incredibly emotionally intelligent, sexy, sensual....you get the point....Everything a girl would want...EXCEPT FOR ME!!!
I dont want to fall in love with this man because it creeps me out! It sounds weird, but its the truth! I am incredibly attracted to him, physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, but.....it really really really creeps me the hell out....
He brings up the future, imagining us together, talking about life, and family, and it turns me on, its hot, but all I could think was "ewww"...
It made me want to cry when I recently started to feel these strong emotions for him...and I dont mean cry in a good way...it was a frustrated, angry, stifled, lump in my throat kind of cry....
So now that you know a bit more, you obviously can understand why I have to get away from this ASAP, right?
I dont want to do this. How do I stop my emotions from going any furthur than this?
I don't have to consciously*try* to stay out of love with someone, my subconscious mind does all the work for me.
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I don't have to consciously*try* to stay out of love with someone, my subconscious mind does all the work for me.
That is usually the case with me too...but (and there is always a "but") this guy got in somehow, and it looks like he is going to make himself comfy...meanwhile, I have one foot out the door, if he tries anything funny, such as conning more love out of me, then I am gone!..with help from you guys of course, if you all agree to help me...please??
That is usually the case with me too...but (and there is always a "but") this guy got in somehow, and it looks like he is going to make himself comfy...meanwhile, I have one foot out the door, if he tries anything funny, such as conning more love out of me, then I am gone!..with help from you guys of course, if you all agree to help me...please??
Strangeway, I completely understand. It gives me comfort knowing others are struggling with this same issue.
But, luckily, I have not had anyone slip under my radar yet. But, if he does...I would be in your shoes then.
The crazy thing about our problem is that we allow the door to stay open a crack. Someone slips in...we push them out, and end of story.
Why, if we are so dead set on being alone, do we leave that door cracked open???
We have been friends for a year....towards the middle of our friendship, he started to weird out on me, and it made things difficult between us. He finally spilled it and told me how in love he was with me, how much he desired me, and how he didnt think he could spend his whole life without me...wellll...it seriously freaked me out, and I started distancing myself from him. It caused alot of drama between us, but I thought I was trying to spare him from ending up with an oddball like me in his life.
You see, he is bright, talented, handsome, deep, incredibly emotionally intelligent, sexy, sensual....you get the point....Everything a girl would want...EXCEPT FOR ME!!!
I dont want to fall in love with this man because it creeps me out! It sounds weird, but its the truth! I am incredibly attracted to him, physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, but.....it really really really creeps me the hell out....
Ask yourself this: why do you NOT want to fall in love? Is it because you have no place for a relationship in your life at all right now? Or is it because you're scared that he will find out who you are and not like you??
IMO it's the latter, but correct me if I'm wrong. You seem to have deep self-esteem issues, which I think you need to work on. I think that if you learn to love yourself you'll be able to realize that you are worthy of being with somebody whom you are attracted to as much as him.
I don't think you should be scared, you are friends with him and it seems like a good foundation to start a relationship. Face your fears and your lack of self-esteem, and try to open up a little bit. You can't let your fears control you. If you do now, you'll let the opportunity pass right by you.. and maybe later on you will look back at this and think that if you weren't worty of that guy, then you won't be worthy of anybody good who comes along. And you will always live in the fear of trying and failing. Do you see how easy it is to slip into a downward spiral when you let your fears dictate your actions? The more you fear the more it will affect you. The more wrong decisions you make based on fear, and the more reasons you'll be able to find in order to feel unworthy based on those past decisions.
Give it a try, what do you have to lose? You can't live alone in a cave all your life! Plus, why would you settle down for somebody average if you can have him?
Strangeway, I completely understand. It gives me comfort knowing others are struggling with this same issue.
Oh thank God! I thought I was going loopy because thus far I have had an odd response or two who seemed pro-love...this makes me feel better to know that others are in the same boat.
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Why, if we are so dead set on being alone, do we leave that door cracked open???
I was just thinking this same thing...Why did I even let him in, then, if I am such a recluse?? But I dont have a polished answer for that, only that last year, the summer was long, hot and agonizing, and I had this hair up my a$$ that I deserved to at least get to know someone, anyone, a little bit better, after dealing with such a mess of a summer.
Seriously, it was so hot, I felt as if I was being boiled alive.
I think that partially, it helps to reach out a hand once and awhile, just to feel a little alive...but it turns into a problem when we go to retract our hand only to find someone holding on tight.
Truthfully, I like this man. Heck, I am almost in love with him. He's alright by me, but I just dont want to fall in love right now. I dont have time. And especially with him. He is very hard, and I can imagine (and he even told me) that he doesnt fall very easy, so then, what has come over him to do this to me? Me, of all people.
He became angered when I suggested he would be better suited to another that was more open to the idea of being in love. He told me that I have a hell of a time expressing my feelings, and he will fix that for me..
Can you imagine a man talking about feelings??
Really, I appreciate him, and from him I have learned so much, about him, life, myself....but I just cant do it. I cant get into a relationship with him. I think he knows I am fighting against him on this, but I dont think he cares.
I would love to see him with a pretty, shiny faced girl, full of vibrance, and love, and bursting at the seams with hope, intelligence and potential, because in my mind, that is what he deserves.
He tells me he deserves me.
I think that is the most confusing answer I have ever recieved.
Ask yourself this: why do you NOT want to fall in love? Is it because you have no place for a relationship in your life at all right now? Or is it because you're scared that he will find out who you are and not like you??
Thank you, Princessa, for your thoughtful post...
I think its a combination of several different factors. Firstly, I believe I might be a little scared, but not because he will find out who I am and not like me..because by now, I believe he knows who I am, and obviously that hasnt scared him off...
I think a chunk of it has to do with him. Who he is as a person. It bothers me because I dont envision such a dark person being with him. I envision him with a happy, vibrant person, as I mentioned before. I truly want the best for him, and as much as it sounds self depreciating to say, I dont believe that I am the best for him. Far from it.
I dont want to bring him down. It would break my heart. He is not aloof, or lacking in confidence. He is not a recluse with baggage. His thoughts dont wax dark unless I take him there.
On the outside, I am an irony. People typically refer to me as a barbie doll. And not because I dress or act like one. But because they really think I look like one. But on the inside, I am more like....welll, I dont know exactly what, but definately not that. My look doesnt match my personality, and I have been told that more than a dozen times.
I dont feel like he belongs with someone like me. I think he could do better. And thats not coming from lack of confidence. That is coming from the truth, pure and simple.
Give it a try, what do you have to lose? You can't live alone in a cave all your life! Plus, why would you settle down for somebody average if you can have him?
But, Princessa, what about this:
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I dont want to fall in love with this man because it creeps me out! It sounds weird, but its the truth! I am incredibly attracted to him, physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, but.....it really really really creeps me the hell out....
I should still go with him, when he creeps me out? And why does he creep me out?? I am still unsure about this.
I should still go with him, when he creeps me out? And why does he creep me out?? I am still unsure about this.
Well, I think only you have the answer to that. Is it him who creeps you out, or is it the idea of a relationship? Because you seem to really be into him. So what does creep you out?
In regards to your other post.. I really don't know what to say because I cannot imagine how you can say that you're bad for somebody? I can't imagine how you can say that you will bring him down? And if you really think that this is what will happen.. well, don't you have any desire at all to change it? Would you rather be with somebody who's as "dark" as you, and who will bring you down? And if so, then WHY?
You know my ex used to always tell me that I was too good for him.. That his situation was bad.. that he would only limit me. I think it ended up as a self-fulfilling prophecy. People like this break my heart. I don't understand what pushes them to be this way. If you like somebody but think you will bring them down, why don't you use that as a source of motivation to better yourself instead of pushing the other person away? Ultimately, wouldn't you want what's best for you, and them?
Why all the dramatic posturing? Just date him, already!
But if you are soooo set on not being in love with him, not dating him, not being with him like that...
Well, first off, instead of thinking of him as oh-so-great with all these sterling qualities, start focusing on the negatives (and don't tell me he has none, that's bull). Does he put too much gel in his hair? Does he laugh weird? Is his place a mess? Does he have questionable taste in music/movies/tv? Imagine dealing with these things day in, day out, for the rest of your life. Just totally gross yourself out with the idea. Imagine yourself having kids with this guy and they throw temper tantrums and pick their noses. Think about how annoyed you'd be, how irritated.
It'll work, with time, if you really want it to.
Maybe you should take some time and think to yourself if this is not the kind of guy you want to fall in love with, who is? Quit being a martyr and telling yourself that you're saving him from a horrible relationship with you. You're not even giving him the chance to find that out for himself, or giving yourself the chance to find out if your assessments are even accurate.
You're basically giving him the equivelant of a pat on the head and an "I know better than you". It's condescending and demeaning. He's old enough to think for himself. Stop doing the "it's me, not you". And if you're not being honest with yourself, and it IS him, then tell him so!
Relationships are complicated enough without making them complicated.
The comment you made, Strangeway, that he said he wants to "fix you" ? That concerns me. IMO any guy who wants to fix someone has a controlling side. Is he controlling?
If he just seems to normal for you, and in love with you, and you have feelings for him that you don't want to act on, why not just talk to him, tell him how you feel, and also tell him the pace you want to pursue this relationship. Maybe, just maybe he will see things from your point of view and offer to slow down.
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