For about 6 months, I've been pushing away my two best friends. We're all seniors and last summer my sister ran away. I felt really betrayed and I shifted a lot to them, so much that the thought of leaving for college is just really upsetting for the sole reason that I don't and didn't believe we could make our friendship last. They're both going to college together and I'm going 9 hours away. I've been slightly crazy.

See I guess I just don't think I'm good enough, fun enough or whatever. I've always thought that there's just no way I can keep up with them b/c they're extremely similar in interests, personality etc. So after 6 months we finally fought it out. Basically one of them told me that I'm insecure about my connection with both of them.

I shouldn't be but my behavior has really screwed everything up. She doesn't think we're going to be friends b/c of the selfish drama. She doesn't want to take it with her. She hates how I don't talk about my feelings. She even said that there *was* a time when she would have done anything for me. I asked if she cared at all anymore and at first she said she didn't know. Then, she said that she did, but it was complicated. It sucks. I introduced them.

Oh and the kicker is that this was all over the internet. I haven't seen them since because it's spring break. I asked if we could fix this if the drama stopped and she said possibly. But the thing is now I even more have the feelings of inadequacy and that it's just not going to last. B/c as bad as I was before, my bond with the both of them is so screwed up and they're just really close now.

I only have 6 months before college and I don't really think we can get back to where we were in that short period of time. I know everyone says that friends from hs don't matter, or last. But I really want it to last. I've lost many close friends thoughout my life through moving. Even my sister. Even though theyre pinning it entirely on me I don't think it's 100% all my fault. they filled their housing application out while we all 3 were hanging out.

They talk about the theme of their dorm room and when I try to tell them that it bothers me they just don't understand. they don't understand that I'm going to miss them so much and I just don't want to lose them. I don't really know what I'm asking but are there any comments. please.

[brunettenproud]

So, when I wrote that I was pretty emotional. I guess if it doesn't work out I'll survive, college is really soon and I feel pretty distant anywya. It just seems like a waste. Plus, the thought of never seeing them after high school is really awful. I don't think she means it though. I think it's damaged, but I hope there's still enough left to fix it. Still I'm going to say, any comments? Anyone go through a similar situation?