Over the past year, I've been buying most of my art supplies for school (I'm an art student) at a local art supply store, and have gotten to really know this guy named John who is local artist and works there. Well...he's gotten to know me, and I've just observed quietly his patterns trying to figure out what he's all about and if I want to pursue things with him. Meanwhile, all of his friends there are a tight knit group and the owner is his best friend. This has been particularly the reason for me not pursueing him or giving him more of an indication that this could go somewhere. They are, as a whole, a pretty intimidating group of people, especially the owner. He's married, and John is actually quite a bit older than I. About 13 years, maybe. Being that I'm a young art student, I feel a little out of my element in there and don't want to cause any ripples in there little world, but I really have grown very found of him and would like to take things a step further and invite him out to coffee. Only thing is, he seems very distent now. Over the last few times I've been in there he's not said much to me, and that's not like him. He's paying less attention to me, and I'm wondering if it's too late to let him know that I'm interested. His friends are all starting to notice me, more and more, as I go in there, and it's kind of uncomfortable actually, because they don't know me, except for that girl who keeps coming in and Jeff keeps helping. I don't know...is it too late??? What is a good way to start asking him about himself and letting him know that I'm interested in him slowly, without it seeming out of place or forced. The last thing I want is to come across like some school girl who has a crush on an older man, especially to his friends, being that I will eventually possible see them along my way to my future carreer.

-K

[Tony T]

Instead of asking him out, ask if you can observe him working on his art sometime...or if you can come see some of his work. Or you could ask him if he would mind coming to your place to critique some of your stuff...give you some tips, etc.

If you don't want to do the above, then invite him to an art show or similar event. Otherwise, either scribble a note inviting him to call you to get together for coffee sometime and hand it to him discretely at the store...or just ask him straight out.

You could even ask him if he has a website for his art. Maybe talk to him about getting one...to either show or sell certain pieces to a worldwide audience. You could offer to help him build it. You could even ask him to join you for lunch to discuss this if you like.

If he has a website already, get the address, go there, look at it, and send him a nice Email complimenting the site...and asking him to join you for lunch sometime.

Fear of rejection is man's greatest fear above all others. No, it's not too late but time's a wasting. If he declines, he is not rejecting you. He doesn't know you well enough to reject you. He's just rejecting the idea of going out for coffee. At least you will have communicated your interest and he will make the next move when the time comes.

Don't be intimidated by the people at the store...or anywhere else. Just see them as any other group of regular people.

Also, don't worry about the age difference. This guy will be all the more flattered because of your interest. Whatever happens, don't make a big deal out of it. YOU control your feelings. Just take the attitude you can live with or without this guy and if nothing happens, it's HIS loss.