I have been with mm for 7 years with several breaks normally initiated by me.
He took early retirement and his w works full time.The children have left home.

Since I got back with him the last time, there has been a change.
He says he can only stay for a few hours and then he has to go, although he would rather stay. I have been saying that it feels like he only comes round for sex and he makes a joke of that comment. The last time he called he wanted to pop round as he was doing some shopping and I said I was busy. He hadn't called for a week and I happened to be off work when he called so it was just opportunist and I decided that he was takng me for granted. I have not refused to meet him before.

He is calling more sporadically and if he can't get hold of me he calls like a maniac, every half an hour or so.
I do not understand what is going on. I want to talk to him but he doesn't want to do that.
I wonder if he really wants out but would rather that it just fizzled out as he is a conflict avoider.

But then why does he call me so persisitently and then ignore me. His behaviour is very irrational and when I have seen him he always says he isn't feeling well (an excuse to leave early maybe).
Anyway just lately he says he will call me but hasn't. I have made it clear that if he wants to meet up, it will be for a chat, by saying that he can come round for coffee. I don't think he likes that!

I think the best thing I can do is leave him alone for a couple of months as if I pressure him it will drive him away even more.

On the other hand maybe he is trying to break up with me because he has decided that he wants to work on his marriage and his wife if is watching him very closely. He is losing the control in the affair as he knows that I won't be happy with the odd afternoon together and then no evenings together.

If he wanted to end it I would prefer him to just tell me, even if it is over the phone, so that I can get on with my life.
A friend told me that his erratic behaviour (manic phone calls) is a sign that he knows he is losing me and it is just a knee jerk reaction)

Any advice please.

[whichwayisup]

This is the classic push/pull situation. He wants you when HE can have on HIS time, not yours. He feels HE has to have control, so when you're not available to him, his ego gets hurt.

Why are you still with this guy? What are you really getting out of this affair? Stolen moments, and you lose out on a full rounded relationship that you could be having with a single man.

This MM won't leave his wife. Why should he? He's got you and his wife to fulfill all his needs. Why would he want that to change?

Please think ahead into your future. How long to you want to settle...Lose out on so much more you could be having in your life with someone else?

[norajane]

Originally Posted by Guest

If he wanted to end it I would prefer him to just tell me, even if it is over the phone, so that I can get on with my life.

Well, why do you have to wait for him to end it? Why don't you take control of your own life and go on with your life by ending the affair yourself? It's not like you're enjoying it or getting anything out of it.

[GreenEyedLady]

You deserve more than this after 7 years...she is probably watching him more closely and perhaps they are getting closer as they are together more...

He probably just wants to continue the A but on his terms, without any complaining or expectations on your part...

What do you want? It seems like you want more than he is willing to give or you wouldn't be posting about it...and you don't say if you love him or what exactly you feel about him...what has kept you with him for so many years?