THIS IS VERY VERY LONG, IM SORRY.

I fell for a girl from school quite some time ago. when we are together all is right and i love it. she has a boyfriend whom she tells me she does not like, she does however know that i like her. my friends tell me that i am whipped and that she is using me. but i dont see it as a possibility. she is way too awesome to do something like that. she has told me that she has feelings for me and she could never doubt that, but she doesnt think she should act upon them.

recently when i was on a school trip to NY that she wasnt on, she wrote me the following:

I really hope you get this, I always forget your other address. I had the worst day today! Everything was so hectic and to top it all of something was really bugging me. I was walking to lunch and I just had this sick feeling in my stomach. And I was walking and I was like, "What is your problem?" Anyway (this sounds so fake and made up but I swear it happened) all of the sudden it just hit me. I was upset about how things were with you and I. So then I was like, "I'll go leave a note on his car and tell him I'm coming over." and then I realized you weren't at school. So THEN I start to think about you being in New York and I really felt like crap! Kind of odd considering you are ALWAYS out of town. To get to my point, I came home early and had hives on my arm! Man they look gross. I guess I got them from being so stressed with school and stuff lately, my mom always gets them. I had the worst headache and on my ride home all I could think about was what has gone on with us the past few days. I am so tired of just not being straightforward with you about how I feel about things.

Today I had that feeling again- like why am I not with him? And then I thought that I had blown my chance totally. I don't know what my deal is but like the other day you were in your truck and I must have given you a high five or something. (Do you have any idea what I am talking about? Probably not-but it happened.) I think you may have been talking to Chris about Impression pictures. Anyway I just didn't let go of your hand. It wasn't like I held on to it long but it just wasn't something that usually happens. I didn't even know I was doing it until I started walking to my car. This must all sound so retarded to you. It was nothing, but I don't know. Like just for that second I felt like we were together. And it didn't feel weird like I had always thought it would. And then I knew something was up when I made Chris sit by me on the way back from the field trip and the entire way home I made that poor boy listen to everything I had to say about us and give me advice. I hope you're having a great time in New York. I really do miss having you around to make fun of and to just be with. Talk to you later.

Love,

xxx

i took this to mean that she really did have feelings for me and wanted to be together. when i returned home i talked to her briefly about it but nothing exciting came of it. she is still with that guy that she claims she doesnt like. i dont know what to think or do. my friends tell me to move on and forget it, but i cant. im afraid of what i might ruin if i do that. Help

-jonathan

[Tony T]

So just exactly what would you ruin if you moved along? I am with your friends on this one.

You need to sit this lady down and have a good talk with her. Let her know just how you feel about her again and let her share her feelings about you once more. See if there is something that can be done. I'm talking about one FINAL try. Once that's out of the way, your head will be clear and you'll know what to do.

There is some compelling reason why she stays with this guy she's not too fond of. She may be very afraid of her feelings for you. Some people are a lot more comfortable being with someone they only have mild feelings for. The reason is that if it goes sour, the pain is minimal. Usually people who do this have abandonment issues and are terrified of someone they really love leaving them.

There is always the chance that she is writing these things to keep you as a spare tire or a "reserve" as they say in the love game. She may really love the guy she's with and hopes things will get better. A person who fears abandonment really likes somebody to fall back on if things go south and, guess what, you're her guy! Exciting, isn't it? I'm not saying this is what's going on but it's certainly a possiblity.

So have your talk and see if there are any possibilities. Don't get jerked around. If she doesn't give you a time certain for leaving this other guy and getting together with you, do what your friends are telling you to do and move on down the road.