Basically I met a wonderful guy and we had a great relationship for 2 months but I was aware he was looking for work overseas. He didn't want to continue the relationship when he moved (which was probably smart) but I'm still in love with him.
It's been a few days since he arrived overseas and even though I know we can't be together now, I know that I'll always want to be with him even years down the track. What are some of the things I can do to maximise my chances with him from now until when he decides to come back? He could be there for 2-5 years.
I'm thinking that I just need to stay in his circle of friends in our home country and in that way I'll always be 'in his life'. I'm already still in contact with a good friend of his but they stopped talking to each other just before he left. He does have another best friend but we don't have any excuse to exchange numbers. Would it be strange to try and become friends with this guy? Would he take it the wrong way, like now I'm going for the next best thing?
It's been a few days since he arrived overseas and even though I know we can't be together now, I know that I'll always want to be with him even years down the track. What are some of the things I can do to maximise my chances with him from now until when he decides to come back? He could be there for 2-5 years.
well honestly there isnt really anything u can do except wait until he comes back and he realizes he still wants to be with u. hate to say this, but if he really honestly did love u, he would have continued the relationship even though he was overseas. long distance is very hard so i see his point, but u guys still could talk on the phone and maybe visit occasionally. it could work, i've seen it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by funkify
I'm thinking that I just need to stay in his circle of friends in our home country and in that way I'll always be 'in his life'.
maybe..then when he gets back he'll know u are there and he wont have to "look hard" if he wants to get back with u.
Quote:
Originally Posted by funkify
Would it be strange to try and become friends with this guy? Would he take it the wrong way, like now I'm going for the next best thing?
maybe..he may get the idea ur involved/or interested in his friend, because he is away. then again he might not. honestly though, if he does care for u and want to be with u, then when he comes home it wouldnt matter if u were friends with his "circle" he would seek u out to be with u even if u werent. of course making urself easily available might increase the chances, but u shouldnt look too desperate like ur waiting for him.
my advice: DONT take urself off the market. it sounds like ur just going to sit around waiting for him to come home. u are seriously going to make urself miserable doing that. yes u love this man, but there are soooooo many fish in the sea, ones who arent overseas and will want to be with u. 2-5 years is a long time to wait for someone, and if he really did want to be with u, he wouldnt have let u go for fear that u would meet someone else. my opinion is to just try to move on and not pine for him. if he comes home, and u both are single than it is meant to be. but please dont stop dating. u may miss out on the love of ur life.
Last edited by Lauriebell82; 24th March 2007 at 1:31 AM..
Lauriebelle, I *just* found out he was seeing two other girls as well as me in the past two months. There's no way he has a chance with me anymore
I want to tell him he did me wrong. Not to bother being my friend. Should I let him know that I know? What a b@stard
wow what a jerk! don't even bother tellin him off or telling him u dont want him. just forget about him and try to move on. u were only together two months, be glad it wasnt longer. short term relationships usually take less time to get over. i'm very sorry this loser did that to u, but there are many guys out there so try to move on.
so sorry for your sadness. your story is almost EXACTLY like mine, only mine happened 20 years ago!!!
my ex moved away after a whirlwind romance for a job he had been dying to get and waiting for for 3 years. before he left, he told me he loved me, told his friends he loved me, and his family told me they could tell he loved me. but then i couldn't handle the distance and fears he might not be true to me, and he didn't want to be celibate at his age (mid 20s).
when i found out he was seeing someone else, i dumped him and thought what a jerk he was. so heartless. i adored him and he loved me. he destroyed something so beautiful. i married someone else a few years later, without telling him as we had not talked during all that time, but just after i did, my ex sent me his wedding invitation!
i think he did it to be mean, and to show me that he changed into the marrying kind, and was capable of making a commitment. just to twist the knife in my heart. he had refused to do that for me, although i never asked him to. what a narcissist.
a few years ago, 15 years later, i called him out of the blue after i had run into a colleague of his. my ex flirted with me IMMEDIATELY and complained about his marriage! we have emailed each other for several years as friends, and after a month, he told me he wanted to have an affair, and told me he has NEVER felt for anyone else the way he felt for me. now he says i'm the "woman of his dreams". yeah right.
unfortunately, it's too late. and it's too little, too. he has never said he loved me since our breakup. his marriage is empty and loveless. they are friends and colleagues, but not lovers.
still, i wonder if he realizes what he lost, or if he cares. he drowns himself in his work to avoid his feelings about his life.
the sad thing is that it does still hurt, all these years later. i wish i could tell you it goes away, but it hasn't for me. it does ease up some, and you can be happy with someone else. in fact, you have to do that. you can't force someone to grow up, and the love may very well be real, and it may last for the rest of his life. i know it has for my ex, and he desires me, but he screwed it all up.
i hope you feel better soon. he may be making a huge mistake, and you have to believe that he is. i would not wait around for him. the best thing i did was to move on to someone who was ready to love me for real, and ready to make a commitment. you can't grow in a love relationship with someone who runs away. one day, he may regret this as the biggest mistake of his life.
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Increasing the chances of getting back with a LDR when he moves back home
Wow, so much has changed since I wrote that post
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