[LaDiva]

Hello Everyone! I am in need of an unbiased mind, I will start off with has happened recently and work my way back... thank you.

There are several players in this story, but only Barry (My BEST guy friend), Greg (My gay ex-roommate, and ex-human diary), and Marguerite (Barry's current girlfriend since the beginning of February), come to mind.

Greg is my EX-roommate for several reasons that we don't need to get into I suppose, it would be somewhat superfluous of me to do so. But before he moved out, we had a bad falling out... so when he moved out, he maliciously told everyone on a public forum, including Barry, and Marguerite things I said in a fit of ANGER (this was only when they first started dating) i.e. they've only been dating less than two months, but they are having a lot of problems already...and so I basically said stuff like, it's not going to last, and what does he see in her anyways? But I also said stuff that Barry told me personally about her, so people know that there is some truth to the letter, because only Barry would know those things about her... So I called Barry immediately about the message, and he asked me to sign onto his own account and delete it immediately... kudos to men who still practice chivalry, but I guess when he got home, because his brother received it and so did his girlfriend, so I guess he HAD to read it too...and Greg, basically said that all I do is talk trash about everyone I know...I thought it was, you know, normal things anyone would say if they disapproved of the relationship...not talking trash(but I will get to my abnormal self in a second...k.thanks) But after I got off the phone with Barry, I read the rest of it... this message is about 7 pages long in Microsoft Word, Greg said in this forum, things about my past that I've never told anyone, and he also said something that was very untrue about me... he has cast a pebble of prostitution my way... and to top it all off... he basically told Barry that I am in love with him, which I wasn't planning on saying until 2008! That is for me to tell somebody, not the other way around..a lot a people wrote to me and told me that they didn't believe it for a second, but I wasn't worried about those people, I am worried about what Barry thinks.

What makes me abnormal is that I am totally in love with Barry, and have been for quite sometime. Barry knows that I have developed some sort of feelings towards him, because at the urging of Greg, I told him at Christmas, and Barry expressed to me that he had the same feelings. But because it was an online conversation, I decided not to read into it that much. I am also trying to protect my heart, I just finished a succession of bad relationships, and have made a vow to myself that I will be single for all of 2007. I think I should spend some time on me, and finding out what I want out of life. Barry has been there for me through these tough times and readily agrees with me that I should try being single for a while, in which he told me that he would do the same...

So... here comes a month later basically, and he tells me on the phone that he started dating this girl that he's been friend's with for a long time, and that he never wanted to date before, because well... he said a lot of reasons...that I don't want to go into here... and masking my hurt, anguish, and shock, I calmly asked him why, and he said that he couldn't see himself alone for the next 11 months.

So everytime I hung out with him, she got upset, and even told him that she doesn't want him hanging out with me, she tried to send me a private message, telling me that she wants to be friends with me, and I cried and I told him that I couldn't do that, because my feelings are too strong to be friends with someone who he was dating, but then we both later found out that she only asked me to be her friend so that way she could "see what I was all about". So, of course since Greg was my roommate, I would come home and gripe about the things that were being told to me, and like I said, after he moved out, he sent a message, to Marg, her sister, Barry, Barry's brother, all of my friends, all of his friends that I've gotten to know... I mean he basically tried to ruin my life.

So now, its been exactly 4 1/2 days since this incident happened, and everybody who COUNTS and was my friend before the message was sent out, is talking to me as if nothing ever happened, because you see when Greg did that, he basically showed to everyone that was his friend that you can't trust him...because he might do the same to them. But the ONE person, who I want to call me just like old times and say "Hey bum!" Isn't calling me at all... Barry has shown no desire to contact me, aside from a text message when it first happened that said, "I read the message." and when I asked him, what he was thinking, he asked me to tell him it wasn't true. And when I said that half of it was true, but the rest of it was a gross exxageration, and I'm not even going to get into the PROSTITUTION accusation...ick. He told me that I should find my own way to church in the morning, (mind you, as well as my best friend, he is also my spiritual stronghold, we are both Christian) seeing as his girlfriend now accompanies us to the same church, it would have been an awkward situation for the both of us to be in the same car with all of the stuff floating around.

I am frustrated, because I have been betrayed by someone who I let live in my apartment, because he was going through rough times, and in turn of his betrayal to me, I have committed a betrayal again Barry... because i should've never said anything about what me and Barry talk about to anybody... I guess this is supposed to give me a lesson in who to trust... But, as I am dealing with that, I have to deal with the fact that my best friend, spiritual partner, and the love of my life is hurt as well, and chooses not to speak with me.

What is your take on this situation? Everyone tells me not to write to him, call him, go and see him at his job---to let him come and approach me when he is ready, but it's hard because this is a person whom I've had contact with everyday at least 5 times a day without fail. I haven't been to church on Sunday and Wednesday, because he is my ride to church which is about 40 miles away.

I am hurt, lost, and confused... what should I do?

[Dadubwa]

First and least important.
Your friend Greg...is a complete jerk off for doing what he did. That's UNBELIEVABLE....he needs to get a grip and GROW THE EFF UP!! That's so childish and immature.


Second and important:
For things to be fixed between a friendship with you and Barry you NEED to sit down and talk to him. If he doesn't return your phone calls asking him to do so....your friendship wasn't worth it, no one should treat you like you're not even good enough to reslove and issue with.

---You need to take some time and honestly choose between being his friend NOW or waiting until things break off with him and "sketchy" girlfriend.----

If you choose to be friends NOW guess what? You need to make amends with 'sketchy' girlfriend. Explain to her "These were my feelings at the time, I understand if you're angry about what I said, I understand I was biased, I understand if you don't forgive me...but ya know what, I'm asking you to just forgive me and Barry and I can continue our friendship that we once had. It's important to me." If she is a true Chrisitan...she'll forgive. And if Barry doesn't think it was important to him...than he's not worth it.

How SURE are you that Barry is unhappy? That Barry and Sketchy won't last? Maybe you can stick it out until then?

Lastly...Barry is doing what he thinks it right...she talked smack about someone she obviously cares for...even if it was untrue or true or half true he feels like it was coming from you. You need to either Make it seem like it wasn't coming from you...or explain to him that, that was your feelings. Barry is not wrong by avoiding you...you have to understand that. He feels betrayed by you for say the things you said. You might love him...but in order to fill in the blanks that have basically been created by Greg's big mouth; you need to rebuild his trust and your friendship.

Don't be suprised if your and Barry's friendship is never the same until Sketchy is gone. As much as that hurts it's reality.

if you learn nothing from this learn that you need to think before you speak your mind to a "friend".


Good luck! Keep posted!