Okay I have given myself the goal of improving my interactions with women in both friendship and potential relationships.
I am very shy, but mainly when it comes to a person I don't know that well which unfortunately makes it near impossible for me to gather the confidence to approach someone and makes it hard for me to get to know them.
What I'm looking for is people to literally guide me through the whole process from chatting to people on IM to gaining enough confidence to be charismatic and approachable, the confidence to go up to a woman in any situation and know how to always create good rapport and an interesting conversation.
Starting New Topics
I seem to have a huge problem starting brand new topics. Like I feel weird asking things like what sort of music does the person listen to, or what did they watch on tv the other night? I know these type of questions are the building blocks of a good conversation so any advice on what to talk about would be great.
Basically I'm looking for very specific advice, kind of like a coach. Imagine if you were standing next to me watching me interact with a woman, what sort of things would you be telling me?
And please don't tell me to be myself. 'Myself' is the reason why I am unsuccessful. I'm the sort of person who learns from experience, knowledge and practice (practice and experience only work for me if I have knowledge).
Also, if you know of any good conversation transcript things you can give me that might help me out that would be really appreciated.
IMing on a regular basis
Okay so there's one or two people who I message on a regular, almost daily basis. I usually say hi and ask how the day goes (each time I chat to her) then I go from there. But with instant messaging I also find it awkward to literally start a brand new topic (topics that would be classed as small-chat).
My Current Level
At the moment, if a woman approaches me (rarely happens) and starts a conversation I'm okay (not one of those shy people who stutters, stammers and makes a complete fool of themselves) but usually I only keep going full steam ahead when they introduce topics. It's just when that topic dies I find it hard to come up with something else to talk about.
My Lack of Confidence
My lack of confidence is pretty much based on my lack of communication skill. I kind of see us exchanging pleasantries and the obvious 'so what do you do?' question but then in my head it's blank. The conversation dies and then it's awkward (all in my head but that's quite often what happens anyway).
This then means that I don't have the 'experience' that is required to increase confidence.
Silences
I also have a problem with silence in conversations. If a prolonged silence appears (say I might be chatting to someone on the train, or someone who's giving me a lift to work) I start to think that things aren't going very well and then I get nervous. So first is silence a bad thing, and how long should silence go for before it becomes a problem? Also how can you tell if the silence is natural or awkward?
Overall:
As you can see I am in dire trouble when it comes to holding up my end of the conversation, and my lack of confidence to go up to a women. So any advice and help you can offer me would be really great.
This is the major part of my life I want to change, and I'm really looking forward to your help. I will post some other bits and pieces in a reply. I might also start posting things that happen during the day to get an idea of where I'm going wrong and what I can do to improve.
I think we should all collaborate on a how-to, this seems to be a recurrent theme. Also, a how-to about Just Friends and one on Sex Slaves. That would take care of half the questions in here.
I think we should all collaborate on a how-to, this seems to be a recurrent theme. Also, a how-to about Just Friends and one on Sex Slaves. That would take care of half the questions in here.
if I could fix all these problems MAGNATOLIA has I'd be a trillionaire...
You can probably find some elaborate analysis and recommendendations for your "problem". But when you get to the core you realize its about FEAR.
FEAR of loosing her. FEAR that you make fool of ourself. And FEAR that you will experince the FEAR.
Get rid of that fears. Its only in your head. Dont think too much, be a bit careless. When you go to the battle be ready to die there....it makes you fight better.
I know the fear you experience when trying to chat up girl is different (and worse ) than that of fighting a grizzly bear. Grizzly wont make you feel bad, he will kill you in a minute
Dont think too much of the outcome. Stay cool, colected and dont try too hard. You get rid of the fears and you have confidence.
All you need is balls and some sense of romance - good conversations skills, art for teasing, art of sex. Those conversations skills are not crucial. When you have balls (confidence, self control) conversations just flows naturally.
All you need is balls and some sense of romance - good conversations skills, art for teasing, art of sex. Those conversations skills are not crucial. When you have balls (confidence, self control) conversations just flows naturally.
well DMADR....some are born with the "balls"....some can gain the "balls" thru experience and time, and some unfortunately never grow the "balls"
if I could fix all these problems MAGNATOLIA has I'd be a trillionaire...
The market is there, for sure. But then, pursuing alchemy may be a better bet.
Magnatolia, browse these threads, there's plenty of advice on your problems. DanielMadr is touching the underlying problematic; your confidence. Confidence counts for much more than looks or smarts or even charm. Be confident, the other things kinda takes care of itself. There are ways to improve your confidence, it's all in here if you go look for it.
The plastic surgeons are not selling looks, the are selling confidence. I saw a TV docu many years ago about a girl, working chick, single mom, poor, addicted to plastic surgery. To begin with, she was hot, hot, hot, you practically couldn't see any difference after she had four or five surgeries, but she could.
That said, with some people, plastic surgery should be enforced by a court of law.
well DMADR....some are born with the "balls"....some can gain the "balls" thru experience and time, and some unfortunately never grow the "balls"
Yeah world is cruel place. I love it.
Actually you have to be born with them and earn them every effin day.
Those seduction gurus (they are making some serious money man) tell guys who have no potencial, they can grow the balls by experience and through knowledge. Just a marketing strategy. When real shyt starts flying they are f@cked. B/c they dont fear women anymore (that much) but they forget about the grizzly.
The plastic surgeons are not selling looks, the are selling confidence. I saw a TV docu many years ago about a girl, working chick, single mom, poor, addicted to plastic surgery. To begin with, she was hot, hot, hot, you practically couldn't see any difference after she had four or five surgeries, but she could.
That said, with some people, plastic surgery should be enforced by a court of law.
IMO you can grow balls, my cousin did. It's hard work though, and you got to have something down there to start with. If you are ballsy in other settings, you work from that. My cousin was a virgin till the age of 30, never could talk to women. He is a bright guy very skilled mechanic, never could abide sloppy work. Got fired on that twice because he never took **** from no bossman. He did some visualisation exercises and started chatting cars with the women coming to his shop, pretending they were tie-guys trying to be smart with him and not just ignorant chicks. Very cool, very butch, I gathered. So gradually, he would try out other subjects than cars.
I don't know him very well, but last time I saw him, we went drinking, and he told me about this. Took him six months, he said. We never talked women before, because I knew it was a sore subject with him, but he was ebullient. To show off, he went to the bar and had two women come to our table. Took him less than two minutes.
I never really believed in such stuff as visualisation, but it seemed to have worked with him. Maybe he just got older, I dunno.
In my experience, bright guys are usually the ones with these kinds of problems, they tend to think too much. Your body knows how, your brain just messes up things.
....you got to have something down there to start with. If you are ballsy in other settings, you work from that.
That was what I meant. If you are brave in normal life you can get brave with women.
Thinking too much is a problem, thats right I have younger brother....he cant get confident with women when he is virgin. I dont want him to date some ugly girl - dont wanna make him jerk. I think I pay him a prostitute
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) than that of fighting a grizzly bear. Grizzly wont make you feel bad, he will kill you in a minute 
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