I have a friend whom I've know since 1st grade.
We used to be really good friends--the best of friends, even, until we had some family issues that caused us to drift apart for several years.
We started connecting again when we were 17, and since then, we've managed to stay pretty good friends, even despite the fact that we are as opposite as it gets.
This friend of mine was dating a guy for almost 5 years. She claims that he was her first love, and that she loved him
more than anything in the world.
They were very serious. So serious, in fact, that he proposed to her a few days before Christmas (of last year).
I remember that she was really, really thrilled about it; she seemed so happy.
They started to make all the plans: the date, the dress, the place, the people, etc . . . everything.
A month or so later (whenever Superbowl Sunday was), he broke up with her, telling her that he didn't have time for a girlfriend since he needed to get a second job in order to help out his family and since he was planning on going back to school, too. He said he didn't think it was fair for her or for him to hardly be able to see each other because of his own problems.
He also told her that he felt they were too young to be rushing; she's 20 and he barely turned 20 some few days ago. He said he still felt he was too immature and irresponsible and that he thought he was going to be--and actually wanted to be--this way for a while, and that he knew that that was no way to start a marriage.
He apologized for not having thought things through (proposing), and told her that he really did love her, but just couldn't give her what she wanted (marriage) at this time.
She cried a lot. On several nights she would call me to go over, which I did, and I would just sit there with her.
I could understand her deep heartbreak, but I could also understand his reasoning, even though I think it was awful of him to propose, knowing how much that meant to her, if he wasn't sure he wanted to be married in the first place.
Anyway, for the month that followed, she would always talk about him and say how much she loved him and how she missed him and how she wanted him to come back and blah blah.
Sometimes I found myself annoyed because I was hurting too, but we never talked about how *I* might be feeling, no--but then again, I figured: 5 years is a long, long time to be with someone, especially considering our age, so I guess I thought it was understandable that she would be talking about it so much.
I always listed, and the thing that now resonates in mind is how she would always say, "I love him so much. If he came back right now, I'd take him back in a second. I know he hurt me a lot, but my love for him is greater than that hurt." I always thought that was touching.
Last Friday, she told me she had a new boyfriend whom she had met . . . last Friday.
She told me that she loves him and that he says he loves her, too, which is especially bizarre, considering the fact that he told her he had dated 5 girls whom were are LTR--some even as long as 3 years, and that he never told them he loved them. Ok.
She says he is the greatest guy in the world, and that she
doesn't give a sh*t about the exbf who, two weeks ago, she was declaring her undying love for, to me. Ok.
He's 19 and in the marines. He says someday he might have to go to war.
Anyway, she told me that he asked her if she would be willing to go with him to wherever war-ridden country he was sent to, and that she said
of course!
She says that they both see themselves as married to one another and having kids.
Ok.
They've known each other for one week.
WTF?
Oh, and here's the kicker: last night before I got totally hammered, she called me to tell me she had slept with him. I was in shock because she had always been saying, for this past month, that she was not going to sleep with anyone until several months had passed by, indicating to her that her exbf was not coming back. Further, she also said that if it wasn't with her exbf, then she did not want to have sex again until she was married with whoever else.
So, she said that she had slept with him and that she
loves him more than she's loved any other guy.
Ok--WHAT??!
How does someone go from being in a 5 year relationship with the guy who you supposedly love more than anything else in this world, to talking about him and how much you love him 24/7 for an entire month, to a Friday when you gi dancing and meet a guy whom you now want to have babies with because you love him more than any other guy?!?!
How does that happen?! That just does not seem normal to me! For a whole month she talked and cried about this one guy, and now she's talking about marrying and moving and what other such crap with a guy she's known for one week??
Is this normal?
Also, is it normal for me to feel bad about it? Because I have to be honest and say while there have been one or two guys whom I've been interested in, the truth remains being that I still love my exbf very much and that I really miss him. Dating these guys whom I've been interested in seems like a nice idea in theory, but not one that I would actually like to practice.
At first I thought I was just being jealous, but it's not that: I don't want what she has--a new relationship. I don't. I just want to not be sad anymore, but each day, that seems even more impossible.
Maybe I am jealous. Maybe I'm jealous of her "happiness."
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