I decided it's time to break up with my boyfriend after 10 months. We met online and I feel we rushed things. If I had waited and gotten to know him better, became friends first, I probably would not have ended up in a relationship, but he was alot of things I was missing in my past relationships and it was nice just having a boyfriend who actually called.
I have posted on here a few times with my dilemmas about breaking up with him, and now that I have made the decision, I don't know how to go about it. I will probably go to his place in the next couple of days, after work and he will be expecting me to stay the night (he lives almost an hour away).
He is going to be caught completely off guard. I will be nervous and shaking and in tears while I talk. I don't want to get into telling him things that are wrong with him, even if he wants to know the reasons. He will only get defensive.
How do I tell him I want to break up? Do I just blurt it out? Do I tell him I want to talk and then lead into it? He might just think I just want to talk about things and work things out like we have in the past. But I don't want to work anything out. I just don't see a future with him, even though things aren't bad between us.
Here are some of the main reasons:
-He's not that into my kids.
-He is lazy and unmotivated, house is falling apart and he doesn't care.
-He complains about everything, does nothing to change a situation, and gets defensive if I try to push or motivate him (this could be my problem, he may see me as a bit of a nag).
-We don't have much in common although have shown interest in each others uh..interests.
Can anyone offer me some advice please and thanks?
I
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I'm not 40. I'm $39.95 plus shipping and handling.
Since nobody could help, I did a search and found what I was looking for.
"set an appointment to talk to help him get emotionally prepared"
I called him last night, and said I was coming over tonight. He started talking about needing some luvin, and cuddling and I said well maybe, but maybe we'll just talk.
He asked if I was mad at him, I said no, he said "you're not happy" I said we'll talk tomorrow.
So tonight I will tell him that I think he's a great guy, but after alot of thought I realized we aren't meant for each other and this relationship won't go anywhere so I am breaking up. I'll remember the great times we had and you have great friends, please go to them for support while we both move on with our lives.
If he doesn't "get it" I will be repetitive and just keep saying that I won't be happy in the relationship long term.
of course we care MWC_LBA40....I would recommend you just break up with him over the phone. No need to drive an hour. The phone is the best way cause then you can do it cold turkey. No reason to go over there and make a whole drama filled production out of it.
Prepare yourself definitely. You are right that its not going to be easy. In a situation that is complicated and difficult like that, I would sit down and write down some of the things that you want to say. look at the piece of paper and prepare what you want to say and how you want to say it to him.
Like I said, this will not be easy, but if you are not happy, then this is what needs to be done.
Good luck.
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Minds are like parachutes......they only work when open.
Thanks guys. I have to drive there anyway to buy my daughter a birthday present, it's only 45 minutes, no big deal if the roads are good.
We normally email each other several times a day, and today he emailed me about "being so quiet" because I haven't emailed him. I said I was saving it up for tonight. He said Not looking forward to it and I didn't reply and just got another email asking if we're breaking up.
So how do I respond to that? Do I just say yes, and that I would come by if he wants to talk some more? I have some things to pick up at his place (pj's, bathroom items, etc) and he has my housekey, I have his.
Thanks guys. I have to drive there anyway to buy my daughter a birthday present, it's only 45 minutes, no big deal if the roads are good.
We normally email each other several times a day, and today he emailed me about "being so quiet" because I haven't emailed him. I said I was saving it up for tonight. He said Not looking forward to it and I didn't reply and just got another email asking if we're breaking up.
So how do I respond to that? Do I just say yes, and that I would come by if he wants to talk some more? I have some things to pick up at his place (pj's, bathroom items, etc) and he has my housekey, I have his.
Or do I just keep saying We will talk tonight.
I told him I'd be there at 7.
Yeah you shouldn't have given him any hints to begin with. Don't answer it. Save your energy for tonight because you are going to need it.
Yeah you shouldn't have given him any hints to begin with. Don't answer it. Save your energy for tonight because you are going to need it.
I agree with Riddler.. but if feel you must answer an email if or he keeps on emailing you then simply say that you will talk tonight.. Period.. that you don't want to talk about your relationship via email.
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~~ One day someone will walk into your life and make you see why it never worked out with anyone else.. ~~
Well, I had to reply in all fairness to him. I didn't want to leave him hanging all day. So I told him Yes, we are breaking up and that I'd come by tonight to talk if he wanted to.
Well he said unless we can resolve it, then dont bother coming, he will get my key and stuff back tome. So I replied with the things I wanted to say (kept it short). He is hurting says it's pretty sad that I say I love you and care about you and then say we don't have a future.
So I replied with "When was the last time I said I love you?"
I know that wasn't a good idea to say that. I guess he doesn't want to talk. I feel like crap.
OK I sent another one apologizing for the harsh comment and said that a relationship is alot more than just love and sex, it's about values and compatibility and that our basic outlook on life is just too different.
He tried to make light of it saying "lavalife here I come - I still have credits " I wasn't amused but he is trying to hurt less.
He really is a good hearted guy....he cares about me and it showed, but I just didn't see a future
Here are some of the main reasons:
-He's not that into my kids.
-He is lazy and unmotivated, house is falling apart and he doesn't care.
-He complains about everything, does nothing to change a situation, and gets defensive if I try to push or motivate him (this could be my problem, he may see me as a bit of a nag).
-We don't have much in common although have shown interest in each others uh..interests.
Quote:
Originally Posted by alphamale
once again..."nice guy" loses....oh well
but i'm glad you told him by email and spared him the humiliation in person
Where on that list does it show any signs of a "nice guy"?
Sounds more like a jerk then a "nice guy".
She was not happy with him and they just were not compatible. Simple as that.
Alpha, i know you've read some of my other posts, and you should know how I've struggled with my feelings for him in the past. I have given him lots of chances.
Do you really want to know what the final straw was? I had offered to help him paint his walls and asked if he would go buy paint. He complained about having to buy some kind of wash stuff for the walls first and it would be a pain in the a$$.
I felt like saying So then go buy the friggin wash stuff first, then buy the paint and we'll get it done! But I didn't want to be a nag! Then a week later, I noticed my ex had painted his own kitchen, put it all back together and it looked great.
It just shows that if I wasn't happy with my ex, why in god's name do I think I'd be happy with someone as unmotivated as the bf?
I tried to look ahead and only could see myself suffering from exhaustion doing all the housework, all the household maintenance, dealing with my kids myself, and while "having a bf" has been nice , he just wasn't the right guy for me.
You have two kids, you decided you didn't want another one to take care of. So similiar to my x. Unmotivated, never finishes anything he started, etc. Having a bf was nice but I know now I need someone who is as independant as I am.
Put your kids and yourself first.
Good decision.
thanks. I went to his place and picked up my stuff. Not much was spoken. He doesn't understand how my feelings changed "so quick" like a flick of a switch. I told him I only wish it had been that easy and that I'd been having these feelings on and off and finally came to terms with the fact that I don't see a future for us.
He will see in his own time, that this is for the best. He will think back and see things that will make sense and help him understand....right? He's a good person.
Shyt...now he keeps sending me old texts I sent him. I'll let him get away with it while he's hurting. I feel bad though. But...who hasn't been through this right? We all get through it.
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