Someone please give me words of wisdom and talk some sense into me. This man I know has been jerking me around for a while. I have known him a total of almost 11 years. We started out as acquaintances, then friends, boyfriend/girlfriend(?), now we have been in this gray area for a while. I consider us to be friends. I was okay with that. This is a really long story and I am trying to give the abridged version. I mostly talk with him on the phone and only see him occaisionally. Sometimes when I see him, he tries to get lovey-dovey and I have tried to make it clear that I do not want that w/him anymore. Either he is ignoring me, just doesn't get it or is trying to make me fall for him again. So this is the problem.

When you know someone for 11 years it isn't that easy to tell him to just take a hike. I do have feelings for him as a friend and we have had good times together so I think it makes it hard for me to break it off totally. He is the one pursuing me. I never go out of my way to call him or anything. If he calls, I'll call him back.

Then two weeks ago we were going to go out and he cancelled plans at the last minute and didn't even call me until after the time we were supposed to meet even though I did call him. This is one of the things that pisses me off about him. He used to like to keep me hanging and apparently still does. He paged me telling me to call him, I did. I left a message on his machine and he never called. That was two weeks ago. He just calls me yesterday. I didn't call him back. I know he will continue to call. I was pissed for about a week after he blew me off. If he had called me that week, I would have told him where to go and how to get there. Now I have cooled off and I am not as pissed. I know he planned that perfectly. I am tired of this cycle.

I told him last summer when I was dating someone else, not to call me anymore and I told him why. He listened. Then out of the blue, three months later, he calls and I make the mistake of listening to him. He sounds so apologetic when I get pissed at him but then he goes and pulls crap on me again. I am sick of it.

Advice please.

[Tony T]

This guy is NOT your friend. He has absolutely NO respect for you. He knew you were seeing someone and continued to pursue you. You told him you were not interested in any kind of relationship with him and he continued to pursue you. He jerks you around, doesn't call you, cancels get togethers, etc. which shows he has no consideration for your time or your feelings.

Beyond that, you know he has more feelings for you than you do for him. I don't care how long you've known him, this is NOT a healthy situation and you have got to tell him to cease all contact with you forevermore.

Now, if you have feelings for him and you haven't come clean with us then that's a different story. But if what you have posted is accurate, having anything to do with this guy is not constructive or beneficial to either of you. You are getting absolutely nothing out of it but aggravation and annoyance.

You have GOT to learn to be nicer to yourself. When people like this clog the arteries of your life, you have got to flush them out and get rid of them. Weed your garden often and you will be a much happier person. Be strong. Be happy.

It's sad he can't be a good friend. I know he is not the very best you can come up with for a friend. Think more of yourself.

I needed a kick in the ass.

This guy is NOT your friend. He has absolutely NO respect for you. He knew you were seeing someone and continued to pursue you. You told him you were not interested in any kind of relationship with him and he continued to pursue you. He jerks you around, doesn't call you, cancels get togethers, etc. which shows he has no consideration for your time or your feelings. Beyond that, you know he has more feelings for you than you do for him. I don't care how long you've known him, this is NOT a healthy situation and you have got to tell him to cease all contact with you forevermore. Now, if you have feelings for him and you haven't come clean with us then that's a different story. But if what you have posted is accurate, having anything to do with this guy is not constructive or beneficial to either of you. You are getting absolutely nothing out of it but aggravation and annoyance. You have GOT to learn to be nicer to yourself. When people like this clog the arteries of your life, you have got to flush them out and get rid of them. Weed your garden often and you will be a much happier person. Be strong. Be happy. It's sad he can't be a good friend. I know he is not the very best you can come up with for a friend. Think more of yourself.