O.K. Here it goes. You all(the regulars), know my story. Went through breaking up period from Oct till December. He finally broke up with me in December. And I finally came to terms with it.

I think I'm ready to move on and start dating. Dilemma;

I started renewing ties with some old friends over the internet. It seemed like a great way to my healin process.These were all friends I grew up with. We are all 31 years old. One in particular is verrrrrryyyy cute. We started talking on the phone and sending eachother e-mails. I feel that he's flirting pretty heavily, and is coming to visit me in two weeks.

Dilemma, and confusion:

I'm pretty sure he's flirting with me. However, if he's not( I AM definitely interested in him), then I don't want to ruin the friendship. So, I dont' want to guise it as a friendship when he comes to visit, and I don't want to make an ass of my self if that's all he's interested in when he comes.

He comes in two weeks. He sent me an e-mail on Wednesday, saying "can't wait to see you" I think that's flirting right? Or maybe I'm reading too much into it.

So..... What should I do when he comes.

What kind of activities shouldI plan?

Kiss or not kiss, if the situation arises.

How the hell will I know he's interested in a romantic way. He is very much a gentleman, and I dont' know if he will make it clear or not. I think he might think since its our first visit, he should respect my invitation(which he jumped on by the way), and be a "buddy". He may be scared to make any such moves, thinking he'll scare me off.

What signals can I put out, without making a total fool out of myself?

Rachel

[Tony T]

You need to relax about this and just play it by ear. Don't get so caught up in the meaning of this visit. Wait until he gets there and you've had some interaction with him, then give it the meaning you want it to have. Send out the signals you want to send out. Don't try to evaluate what you want out of this guy now...until you see him in person and see what your feelings are over a period of time.

I hate these sort of things. I don't think it's a good thing to force yourself to decide what you want in a short span of time. Frankly, I think you ought to keep this pretty low key. Maybe not even get into anything right now. I know you are eager but this long distance stuff just doesn't work out most of the time and you don't need more heartbreak in your life.

Don't read anything into this whatsoever. And, if you want to give him a kiss, by all means do so. Do what your heart says to do. But I think you are fooling yourself by thinking you are fully ready for something. Of course, you know best.

Getting involved emotionally with someone else is not a great way through the healing process. As a matter of fact, it retards the healing process. Any relationship you begin without being fully over someone is doomed.

Keep this visit light, playful, etc. Hold hands, kiss, whatever. But keep it in a lot of perspective. Don't play games with your own mind. There are too many people around who will try to do that for you.

Tony, you are soooo right. I guess I'm just over analytical when it comes to these things.

And you're right, long distance relationships rarely work out, so I will just relax and see what comes of this visit without reading much into the meaning of it.

If we have a great weekend, then great, if not, then it will have been worth it anyway.

As far as the healing process, I've gotta tell you I have made unbelievable strides. I have really taken the time for I guess the last 4 months, as you have yourself seen on this site, and I know it is necessary for me to get over him before getting involved with someone else.

So, I will be more casual about this visit(as much as I can,... he is VERY cute!). I guess, I'm more concerned about: reading or NOT reading signals etc.

HOw do I tell, if he is interested in exploring more, or how do I know if he's NOT?

[Tony T]

YOU ASK: "HOw do I tell, if he is interested in exploring more, or how do I know if he's NOT?"

If you can't tell intuitively just by being around him, then you wouldn't be able to tell if I gave you some pointers.

It's not really important to know at this point. Why does everything have to happen so fast for everybody??? That's exactly why people have such terrible problems with romance...because they want everything instantly. Love, REAL love, just doesn't happen that way.