emotional affair ???
hi ive been married for just 18 years happily till last year
my husband lost his job last christmas , and didnt work for about 6 months then he got a new job less money , and 40 mile journey to and from a day but it was a job he had done for 14 years elsewhere , his co worker was a female , i was ok with that she was 10 years older ,ok she was size 10 clothes , and he only worked with her, twice we went for weekend`s away and we bumped into her so i teased my husband she was stalking him as hed told me she was a single mum
he kept telling me she was wiered and strange cos she took her dog to work with her
then 6 months ago
she sent him a video clip to his phone which was a woman performing oral sex on a man i went mad he said its only a video clip
i started college and a new job to help the household finances
at that point my husband started working early morning and after work , when he got the job they said no overtime at weekends or evenings , and now he was working , i asked him about what was said when he started , he relied there was a big order and overtime was needed to complete it i never questioned it more
then he stopped having sex with me it would be once / twice a month he said he was tyred due to work , i said ok he promised me the overtime would stop at christmas i was tyred myself working going 2 college running a home 3 children and a husband to look after
he started picking fights with me so he diddnt have to sleep with me so after a few weeks and trying really hard not to argue back , i had a glass of cola in my hand when he came in , i drank cola all night then at 8-9 pm he started to tell me i was drunk and to go to bed
when i told him id been on pop all night he said i was a bitch for lying to him making him think i was drinking alcohol
he presumed i was i proved he was picking fights for no reason
then in november it was my birthday he chose to work befor and after work
i was hurt he said its just another day i felt he prefered to be at work than home
i asked him if he spoke to his co worker he kept saying no only about work
told me nothing
then my sister and her husband split , he sat and told my sister how his co worker had 3 failed marriges , and how bad her life had been , when i challenged him about this he said hed told me i must have forgot he didnt
later i asked him if he was having an affair with her as he knew where she lived and her life story and spent at least 12 hours a day with her
he went into a rage and lashed out and hit at me telling me i was cold towards hiim and didnt show him affection he kept telling me to hit him back cos he deserved it but i was constantly accusing him of having sex with her and hed done nothing
i hadnt id asked him why he knew so much since he didnt talk to her and why we wernt sleeping together and what was happening to us hed never hit me
from then on he was furious most days as soon as he walked through the door hed start
i tryed to have every thing just rightso he couldnt find fault but he always did
me and the kids dreded him coming in
a month passed with constant rows , then we had another big bust up which he started because i was working 2 hours overtime
i asked him why what was he doing in overtime that he didnt want me to do
he went mad again in a rage he told me to go and ask her myself cos i obviously didnt believe him
so he had a car accident so i asked him to take 2 days off work ( thur & fri ) to recover he refused and said i was trying to get him to leave his job
so after another argument he went to work
i was at my wits end so 1 week passed and i decided i was going to ask her myself
so on the fri lunch i went to see her she walks her dog ,
i rang my husband he met me outside and i told him what i was going to do , he wanted to go and speak to her i said no wait
when she came out i asked her if anything was going on between them she said no but she suspected that he fancied her , shed got a new boyfriend after 4 weeks just befor christmas she moved in with him , hy husband had told her she was making a big mistake , she also told me he confided in her a lot and after id said what i had she could no longer work with him
i left and went to my dads , i knew they wernt having sex
10 mins later my husband arrived at my dads
shouting that id destroyed our marrige and him as far as he was concerned everything was over he said hed walked out of his job ( hed took 1/2 day holiday )told my dad he didnt want to sleep with me cos whod want to s*ag that im size 14 clothes average
he wanted me nd the kids out of our family home
he left 5 hours later i went home with the kids , he refused to talk 2 me so i told him i was leaving him
i left with the kids , he thretned to commit suiside coz he had nothing to live for id destroyed him forced him to lose his job and took the kids
the next day i came home to talk 2 him
hed drunk himself into oblivion because he didnt know how to operate any appliances etc
he finally started talking to me , telling me he loved me and wanted me to come home , but he never came after me
i agreed to come back with the kids they missed there dad
he went to work , she was on holiday for a week
he said it was hard but he managed ok
she returned on monday today is friday
he said last night he has tofind another job he cant work there any more he hates it , i think hes had an emotional afair with his co worker and he cant handle 1 i know and 2 she refuses to even speak to him and will not work with him
what else can i do to make my marrige work , am i to blame , am i wrong , i just dont know
is it an emotional affair , maybe he wants to end our marrige
please help im so confused
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