[Mistaken Identity]

My mother lives across the street from me. She bought her house a few years after I bought mine. She also has a key to my front door which she sometimes uses if I don't get to the door fast enough. My car is parked in her backyard because she's afraid my ex-husband will come and take it. She has my car key, too. I drive one of her cars because she thinks it's more reliable than mine. I should add that my ex-husband's car is parked in my driveway and she plans to try to get an abandoned title on it and sell it. Regarding the latter, I told her I wanted my ex-husband to have his car. She got mad and asked if I planned to fix it and deliver it to him, too. (It has some mechanical problems.) Granted, my ex-husband hasn't contributed anything financially in the last four months because he's been out of work. But I don't think that's a reason to take his car. He's now working two jobs and has to borrow a car or catch a ride to get to work. I'm in my 40s and I still feel totally overpowered by her. I should add that she has "given" me, my daughter, and my sister cell phones and she pays the bill. The last time she disapproved of my behavior, she took my phone and the car she was lending me. I don't want to be indebted to her. I'm ashamed of myself. Any thoughts?

[Mistaken Identity]

I should add that I have gone back to college to get a degree and I rely on my mother to pick my daughters up from school two days a week. I've tried to choose classes around their schedule (as well as online classes), but it's not always possible. I have an evening class that would leave them alone for a couple of hours twice a week. My daughters are 15 and 6 and I think they would be okay while I was in class. But my mom insists on being here to watch them.

[quankanne]

the only way you will remove yourself from this indebtedness is to stop relying so much on her. Find someone else to watch after your kids, even if it's someone a bit older than your oldest child who knows what to do in emergency situations should one arise.

get off your mom's cell phone plan, even if it is convenient and cheap.

change the locks on your doors and don't give her the key to your home.

stop driving her vehicles unless it's an extreme emergency situation and hers is the only car available.

because the longer you rely on her, the more power she feels she has over you – I know it's hard, especially with trying to go to school and raise a family, but it's something you're going to have to do if you want peace of mind.

[CardPlay3r]

Yep, that is really controlling. But you know what? She has as much control over you as you allow her to.

Learn to say no and stick to it, move away from her if you need to, seek counseling....

[Ariadne]

Hi,

I feel sorry for your situation.

You have to understand that controlling, abusive people don´t change.

The only thing you can do is stay away from them so you don´t have to deal with their negative personalities, and instead surround yourself with people that you like.

Life is too short to deal with an abuser.

I´d say, sell your house, move away, and detach in every posible way from that person.

Ariadne