Split heart splitting us

Pigblue

The agony of a split heart Why does this happen?

Within 12 months of being married, I felt an attraction to another girl. While never really being close, I have had trouble pushing her out of my mind. We have a common interest in the sport we play – but this is less than 20 weeks a year, one night a week.

W & I have a sort of bumpy relationship – but believed we had enough to soldier on. The attraction for this other girl faded a little after a couple of years – but was never forgotten. It was if you like … a fantasy. But as time went by she would always show just enough interest in me to keep a little fire burning. I would sometimes fantazise about having an affair with her. I didn’t think I could carry it off. At this stage the marriage was strong enough to quell the little ‘love interest’ fire. But it was never fully extinguished.

I can remember being at a function – this other girl was there. Can remember being very nervous. W was pregnant – and this would have been one of the few times other girl would have seen W & I together. Prior to this, I avoided places where love interest might see W&I together – I felt I didn’t want to hurt her. Perhaps I was intoxicated by the fantasy – Anyway,

I didn’t see this other girl glance my way once that whole evening. Well that should be the end of all this, I was thinking.
The ‘love interest’ fire was all but out. The following year she worked OS for a year. She returned to Aus the following year, but I decided to have a year off my sport. I must have wanted to ‘kill off’ the feelings, the ‘love interest’ fire.

I did not want to give the sport away altogether, so in 2003, I decided to play again. LI [love interest] was still playing. She continued to show an interest. By the end of 2003, my marriage was starting to suffer – I think this may have started after the birth of our third child. Then [early 2004] my wife wanted a trial separation. And so it happened – She and the kids moved out. I was devestated. Westayed in touch, and after a couple of months we were talking of getting back together. During separation, I had come to realize what a strong impact this other girl was having on our marriage.

I knew that I must bury all feelings I had for ‘LI’. Thought that I could. By 2005, W&I were back together. Things were fine – for a while. Sigh. Again I felt the attraction to LI. It seemed to be growing. My wife & I, we just seemed to be growing further apart - so I decided to get counselling. Told of my love interest, and how I seemed to be slipping away from my wife. To cut a long story short, the counsellor said three isn’t a true relationship – they don’t really work. I said that I wasn’t having an affair. She [counsellor] agreed in part – ‘but you are in your mind’. I wanted to tell my wife about my ‘fantasy’, but the counsellor said it might be best not to. The counselling [3 sessions] didn’t go very far to fixing the problem.

Against my better judgement, I sent LI a few lines to let her know that I had a crush on her. Suppose I was trying to break the deadlock of the situation. She has not sent anything in return. That was nearly a year ago. During that year I have again been to counselling and then W&I went to MC. We came out of MC with the idea that we should again separate – permanently. We decided to do it amicably, and it will happen later this year. We just have to try and work out how to live under the same roof while knowing that the end of ‘US’ is very close. And still, I can’t stop thinking about this other girl.

So, at this point I sit here and wonder – how does this happen. I didn’t ask for it to happen.

Perhaps the love between us [W&I]was never as strong as I thought. If you really love, trust and are totally committed to someone, surely nothing will ever tear you apart – will it?
Thanks