if they lied about going to a strip joint?Where do I start? Well, we had a rocky relationship that is actually much more stable now.
But there was a period of time in which we had very little sexual intimacy. During this period, I found out while he went on vacation to visit friends that he went to a strip club. He told me he was watching movies with them but really actually went to strip clubs. Actually went more than once.This man has been with few women before me and never showed any type of womanizing behavior. He said that he was afraid I'd get mad but kind of went nuts when he realized i found out. Of course there are other extenuating circumstances involved that could have caused impairment, but i cant talk about it.Now after that, I've imagined even escorts and the like being invited to his hotel and im getting carried away. He said around that time that he didn't see me in a sexual way. This was some years ago. What do you think?
the thing is that he is so not seem like the type of person who would cheat, but then after reading this board for two weeks, is fidelity even possible? maybe im just a dope
Last edited by darlingboobs; 24th February 2007 at 12:47 AM..
Lying and cheating aren't just restricted to men. Women do it all the time as well. Frankly, I think you'll be hard pressed to find a human being out there anywhere who'll be perfectly honest all the time.
If a guy wants to go to a strip club and he thinks his girl will get pissed if he does, he'll lie. That's what kids do when they're little and don't want to get punished. Grown ups are no different.
From a man, I will tell you that if women would be more forgiving and less judgmental more honesty would be forthcoming.
As far as loyalty, some men are in that place...others are not. If you're not a gambling lady...go get a dog and keep it inside.
yes, he said he was afraid to tell me.But he went ballistic about how I found out. he pretty much threatened me to tell him the means i used to find out. maybe so he could figure out how much i knew went on. he checked out of the hotel he was staying the next day and stayed at another place, the reasons in which i forgot. im thinking what if him and his friends invited some strippers to their hotel room?
Went on a "men only" vacation and .... GASP@#! went to a strip club. What a shock.
You don't claim he "cheated" on you, just that he didn't fess up to his "visit".
Actually it's OK.... I doubt you will have to be worried that he will cheat on you in the future, you can be sure he will. That's what men do when they are looking for a new woman, take test drives.
Can't blame him either. Even when he's "on vacation" you are right there in his pocket spying on him. An "LTR" with you would be a series of arguments, not to mention the financial drain caused by the constant trips to the spy shops.
Find someone you can totally dominate, that's afraid to leave your shadow, then you can be happy.
BTW, I went to a strip club once, 30 years ago for a batchlor party and thought it was silly... however I am sure I am in a minority of men in that regard.
You dont even know how i found out this information. You assumed I spied which I guess is your thought of all women. But I'm sure if you had good reason, you would too. Is this a joke cause you sound like a real wacko? I have tears in my eyes after reading that cause it was so funny.
You have 55 years on this earth as a male so it's easy to disregard a woman's feelings in a young relationship (ok not that young, but most likely younger than yours).
What I don't like is the lying and the threatening. I told him I don't care if he went with friends as long as another woman is not touching him. He took most of the vacations and I never tied him on a string or anything that you are assuming. I was probably too lenient and I'm thanked for that with lies.
Why should I even bother to say more when you seem to have decades of your own prejudices built up to turn everything around as my(the woman's) fault? I'm not your ex-wife or whomever you were married to; maybe you need to talk to her about all your emotional baggage!
There's more I might add that was occurring at that time (the 5 months surrounding the strip club deceit) on a later date if I'm comfortable enough.
Can one delete their own threads in this forum?
Last edited by darlingboobs; 24th February 2007 at 5:36 AM..
Went on a "men only" vacation and .... GASP@#! went to a strip club. What a shock.
You don't claim he "cheated" on you, just that he didn't fess up to his "visit".
Actually it's OK.... I doubt you will have to be worried that he will cheat on you in the future, you can be sure he will. That's what men do when they are looking for a new woman, take test drives.
Can't blame him either. Even when he's "on vacation" you are right there in his pocket spying on him. An "LTR" with you would be a series of arguments, not to mention the financial drain caused by the constant trips to the spy shops.
Find someone you can totally dominate, that's afraid to leave your shadow, then you can be happy.
BTW, I went to a strip club once, 30 years ago for a batchlor party and thought it was silly... however I am sure I am in a minority of men in that regard.
That was sort of a harsh post...not helpful in my opinion...My H, or 21 years, started out in strip clubs, "graduated" to lap dances, and then on the the real thing. Yes, I would be concerned...but the MAIN reason I would be concerned is b/c he lied to you about it. This should NOT be trivilialized...You are throwing out some red flags, and it could be a window for you to see into your future with this M...and of course, your imaginatin is going to run away w/ you..You would not be normal if it didn't...
Yes, fidelity IS possible...You really don't read about the happy endings so much on LS b/c it is for support and advice..If your R is a happy healthy one for the most part, your're probrably not going to be coming here. Good luck...I'll be thinking of you
__________________
I am not a marriage expert!
Blessings
I apologise for being "harsh", I didn't realize the amount of ire my comment would cause.
I do remain dumpfounded however. I read LS often and chime in occasionally, hopefully with a usefull comment. More often than not I read about a woman (or girl) faced with a horrible problem.
The horrible problem is often the idea that something will become a problem. Men and Women are different. I've read the books, many of you have read the books. A problem for a lady is often not something a man recognizes as a problem.
A situation happened to me years ago. After cooking and helping with dishes, I did what I always did... left the dish cabinet doors open. That was a problem. I heard about all the times I had been asked to close the doors. I even heard that "if I cared" about her I'd remember to close the cabinet doors. What could I say? To me it was a trivial thing, I cooked the meals, and helped maintain the kitchen. That wasn't her point though. She wanted those cabinet doors closed! She neglected to mention her Long Term Affair. I have often wondered if her then OM, now husband closes the cabinet doors.
A guys out visit to a "strip club" is not trivial, it also in my opinion isn't a felony. Not "confessing" that you went on the trip also isn't good, it is understandable. Both parties in relationships often have "little secrets" they don't share.
I even heard that "if I cared" about her I'd remember to close the cabinet doors. What could I say? To me it was a trivial thing, I cooked the meals, and helped maintain the kitchen. That wasn't her point though. She wanted those cabinet doors closed! She neglected to mention her Long Term Affair.
Wow. Sorry about that. Ironic to say the least.
If you dont mind me asking, how did you find out about the affair? And were there any clues to her affair before you found out?
Location: Straight North - sharp left turn at Happenstance
Posts: 1,795
Is the point that he went to strip clubs, or that he didn't tell you that he went to strip clubs?
I mean really. What does it matter if guys go watch women take their clothes off, or dance, or whatever, as long as they come home to you?
Do you also get upset if he watches sexy movies? Do you watch sexy movies? I'm not talking porn, I'm talking passion. Women enjoy emotional titillation. They get it by watching sexual innuendo (and sometimes a lot more than innuendo) "chick flicks" and reading romance novels. Most men don't like those movies or books - hence the name.
Location: Straight North - sharp left turn at Happenstance
Posts: 1,795
Quote:
Originally Posted by LakesideDream
I did what I always did... left the dish cabinet doors open.
She wanted those cabinet doors closed!
LD, I found this funny yet so sad. Open doors are one of my "things", too. But I just go behind my husband closing them. I know that I miss taking care of some of his "things" as well.
I even heard that "if I cared" about her I'd remember to close the cabinet doors. What could I say? To me it was a trivial thing, I cooked the meals, and helped maintain the kitchen. That wasn't her point though. She wanted those cabinet doors closed! She neglected to mention her Long Term Affair.
Wow. Sorry about that. Ironic to say the least.
If you dont mind me asking, how did you find out about the affair? And were there any clues to her affair before you found out?
DB's, of course there were "clues" and "signs" that the affiar (all 20 years on and off) was happening. I just wasn't paying attention, so I didn't see them. My "problem"? I was in love with her, and had more important things on my mind, like keeping a good home for two kids, being a husband and father, and being mad about her. Even my friends who has suspecisions didn't say anything, they weren't "sure" and didn't want to interfere in what they thought was a great marriage (I also believe they were worried about not being invited to the BBQ's we threw).
Alas... over know. More often than not I just close the damn cabinet doors when I lock up for the night.
Silktricks, I guess that's why I lurk here as much as I do. I'm looking for answers to long ago questions.
"Finding Someone" is the real catch isn't it? At nearly 56 years old, it ain't easy. I bring a lot of "baggage" into the mix. Pessimism, cynicism, and a low tolerance for deciete are the heaviest. From an "old guys" standpoint I'm a pretty "easy" guy.
Not ugly, OK health, quick wit, financial stability, the desire to be honest, and as faithfull as an old hound just isn't enough these days.
Location: Straight North - sharp left turn at Happenstance
Posts: 1,795
Quote:
Originally Posted by LakesideDream
Silktricks, I guess that's why I lurk here as much as I do. I'm looking for answers to long ago questions.
"Finding Someone" is the real catch isn't it? At nearly 56 years old, it ain't easy. I bring a lot of "baggage" into the mix. Pessimism, cynicism, and a low tolerance for deciete are the heaviest. From an "old guys" standpoint I'm a pretty "easy" guy.
Don't kid yourself, everyone always brings a lot of "baggage" into the mix - it doesn't matter how old you are. Low tolerance for deceit is not a bad thing, as it usually means that you aren't deceitful yourself. Pessimism and cynicism, well - sometimes life calls for those. See if you can't throw in some joy as well, though. Life is short, and it's fun to laugh.
Quote:
Not ugly, OK health, quick wit, financial stability, the desire to be honest, and as faithfull as an old hound just isn't enough these days.
You'd be surprised just how many women find those things to be the perfect combination. Give yourself a chance to love again. Not everyone is a liar and a cheat like your former wife. There are a lot of really fine women out there. Many are kind, thoughtful loving women who have also been hurt by circumstances. If I wasn't married, I'd want to meet you myself!
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