I am new here. I would appreciate any insight from both men and women. I need to know if this guy wants an affair, is flirting, what kind of flirting (innocent vs. with intention) or just being friendly.
First, a little intro. I'm a housewife, married with kids. I joined this gym a few months ago, and met this guy there. I am attractive and so is he. He's also married, 8 years, no kids. He's in his early 30's, I'm in my mid 20's.
I need to know if he's flirting with me or just being friendly. It all started with just saying "hi", but we keep bumping into each other at the gym so we started talking. He doesn't wear a wedding band, so at first I thought he was single. I, on the other hand, always wear my wedding band. I want to know if this guy is flirting with me with intentions of something happening, or just harmless flirting. These are the things he does that are in question:
1) he goes to the gym at exact same time as I go, we have a very similar workout routine. but it's more now that we're talking.
2) when he arrives at the gym, he walks past the cardio room and looks around. maybe he's looking for me? he'll say "hi" right away. but he's very social too so i don't know.
3)he has offered to help me load the weight bars. he also told me i could work in with him if he's using a machine (working in means taking turns with the equipment)
4) we both stare at each other and look for each other all the time. everytime i look at him, we lock eyes.
5) he never mentioned his wife until *I* asked him if he was married. I had already told him I was married, he has seen my kids and told me "they are so cute, they look just like their mommy"????
I am confused. I for sure thought that he was flirting and that he wants me, but my personal trainer told me he's very friendly. But normally, I see him socializing with older people (in their 40's and 50's or older) I am probably the only younger girl he talks to.
Last week I brought a male friend to the gym to work out with me, and this guy seemed somewhat distant. like he kept looking our way, maybe wondering if it was my husband?
Yesterday I complimented on his hair- I told him he looks good. That was the first "move" I ever made, and since then he has treated me differently. He's more shy around me, nervous. I don't know if it's because he freaked out (if he was only being friendly this whole time) or if he realized I want him and wants me too. His wife also goes to this gym but she's never there. She goes later in the day.
Today we both caught each other looking at each other a lot, but not saying hi, sort of both seriously looking at each other. When he was leaving he saw me on the treadmill and I was looking elsewhere, so he waived for me to see him and said "see you". But his behavior has changed- he treats me differently since I complimented him on his haircut and how he looks good.
so.. I don't know what to make of this. help!!!!!!!
First off do you want an affair? When you said that you wanted him it really sounds like you do. Before you act on these feelings seriously consider the consequences. Being attracted to someone doesn't mean you want to destroy your marriage.
Sounds to me like it is/was casual flirting on his part. Maybe he genuinely enjoyed talking to you and would've wanted more if you weren't married with children.
Complimenting him might have seem like you were making the first move. Were you? That could've scared him off. He might be one of those men that isn't interested in an A.
I am new here. I would appreciate any insight from both men and women. I need to know if this guy wants an affair, is flirting, what kind of flirting (innocent vs. with intention) or just being friendly.
In all honesty, what does it matter, seeing as you're married with kids and he's married?
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But his behavior has changed- he treats me differently since I complimented him on his haircut and how he looks good.
He's probably realized it's appropriate behaviour between married people.
I think you need to focus more on your husband, and less time worrying about this MM. Even if he was flirting with you, and wanted you - What would YOU want to happen? Are you willing to cross the lines and cheat? Possibly lose your husband, your children in the process? All cuz of abit of flirting?? I mean, what if the MM approached you, telling you he thought you were HOT and wanted to have sex with you. How would you feel and what would you do? Act upon it or RUN the other way cuz innocent fun flirting got out of hand.
It's OK to enjoy harmless flirting, but if you are thinking about it too much, and thinking of him more and more, it's getting time to think about changing gyms, otherwise that day COULD come when you won't say no if he makes a move on you.
My question is "why is this important to you"?
Really, being you are married and he is married who would give a crap?
If you want him and he agrees; there he is...
Why would one want to bother with this unless one wants and "edge"?
Jeez, Luueeeze.
I am going to start a thread about this.
You should love yourself first and stay away from this guy. Trust me you don't want to get into a realtionship with "gym hottie"...
You are married so if you would like to stay that way I suggest you continue to be true to yourself and your husband.
Don't go there, you will be sorry you did.
It is not worth said passion to get into this type of relationship and cause pain to yourself over some attention.
and plus you are married... I did not read your whole post but quite frankly I am too pissed off with my own MM situation to read the whole thing but take it from a person who has been burned by MM to know that it can be charming at the start but then... ugh... misery all the way and clearly I am talking from my own perspective but none the less the similarities will astound you.
can anyone esle chime in here?
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Sarah Graham: You know, sometimes love isn't fireworks. Sometimes, love just comes softly.
I'll add this bit of information about me -- met my XMM at the gym. Knew him for a couple of years before we ventured down that path. I'm having an extremely hard time getting back in my routine but push myself to go. Even though we never officially ended our relationship, we are still friends but the awkwardness for me is unbearable at times.
I can definitely chime in here, pricilla! Reading ilovepink's story felt like reading my own story (maybe saga would be a better word) that started for me three years ago. Allowing yourself to get in this situation will fundamentally change you, and IMO the change will not be good! Take it from me...I've been there. Pain, heartache, tears, just plain AGONY.
I only wish I had found LS earlier...it would have probably helped me to make much better choices. Oh well, hindsight is always 20/20. All I can do now is to make choices each day that take care of me.
ilovepink...take time to read some of the stories here at LS before you do something that you can't take back and that you may end up regretting....
so.. I don't know what to make of this. help!!!!!!!
Sounds like you are bent on destruction...of your marriage, of your family, and of your peace of mind. And for what? Validation from some married guy at the gym?
Aren't you getting enough validation from your husband and family that you need to seek out the attention of a MM? Do you feel unattractive? Why does it matter so much to you what this man is doing?
Why are you trying to encourage this flirtation and take it further by giving this guy compliments? Do you want to start an affair?
If he's been shying away from you, perhaps he doesn't want people at the gym to start gossiping - his wife does go there, and employees notice things and do talk.
The truth is, you can be attracted to other people because there are a lot of attractive people out there. You will meet them your whole life. However, you don't have to act on your attractions, and they fade away soon enough. The damaging effects of an affair, on the other hand, do not just fade away, and sometimes lead to bitterness and divorce.
NojaJane I LOVE your posts. I couldn't agree more.
Why not take your H to the gym and ask him what he thinks if the guy is flirting. I know. I know. But OMG grow up. You have kids at home and are wondering about some guy at the gym?
If you are having marriage problems, tell your H, get into counselling before you make a bad situation 100 worse.
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