I'm new at this, but I need someone to talk to. My husband had been seeing this woman last year, but supposedly he broke it off. This morning, i found an email he printed from her that he received on his job. It was plain to see from her conversation that they had been arguing and she was upset that he didn't want her seeing anyone else. By the way, she's married. I have confronted her in the past and I'm not the type to catfight.
I told my husband this morning about the email and his lame response was "he hadn't read the email". What the hell does that have to do with anything? I am so frustrated with him. We have been married for 29 years, and he says that he loves me. But this greedy woman has come between us because he has let her. I want to do something, but I don't know what to do.
Please check out the marriage builders website for info on how to deal with an affair. Basically there is Plan A - where you act nice and get them to come back to you, while still protecting your own dignity/sanity - and Plan B, where you get very firm. Or something like that. You really need to read the details because these situations can be very diificult. Not complex, unique or original, just difficult. Hugs to you, stay strong, you will survive.
__________________ Heavily medicated for your safety.
Does her husband know about the affair? If not, he should be told. Affairs thrive in secrecy. And perhaps he can deal with her infidelity on his end, while you deal with your husband and his lies on your end.
His lame "didn't read it" isn't even an excuse. He PRINTED it out, for Pete's sake, and it doesn't matter, because it is the content - that he was jealous of her seeing someone else (?! she's MARRIED! is she seeing another man, too?) - that is the problem.
Are you in marriage counseling? Have you considered or discussed divorce?
If he supposedly broke it off, why does he want her exclusive and to whom, him or her real husband? I guess that was more of a rhetorical question because you can't be exclusive to your lover if you still have a husband...
Retain a copy of the email and any other hardcopy or softcopy correspondence you have for potential future legal action.
I'm new at this, but I need someone to talk to. My husband had been seeing this woman last year, but supposedly he broke it off. This morning, i found an email he printed from her that he received on his job. It was plain to see from her conversation that they had been arguing and she was upset that he didn't want her seeing anyone else. By the way, she's married. I have confronted her in the past and I'm not the type to catfight.
I told my husband this morning about the email and his lame response was "he hadn't read the email". What the hell does that have to do with anything? I am so frustrated with him. We have been married for 29 years, and he says that he loves me. But this greedy woman has come between us because he has let her. I want to do something, but I don't know what to do.
Hi and welcome!!! My H had A's for 10 years..One main one and others inbetween...I know what you're feeling! First off, I would say that you all need to get into marriage counseling, called MC on love shack...Secondly, He needs to write her a "good bye" or "no contact" letter...watch him write it and go w/ him and watch him put in into the mailbox...snail mail that is...NOT EMAIL!! My H had A's with single and married women. I'm not sure but I think they see the married women as less of a threat, meaning don't have any strings attached, no pressure for a committment, etc..It's not conceivable to them that the married W will actually LEAVE her H and expect YOUR H to do the same thing!
You're right the Other Woman, or OW as it's called on LS is greedy, but so is your H. One poster was correct, keep hard copies of all correspondence that you come across, and check everything. His pockets, e mail, snail mail, car, etc...Don't drive yourself crazy playing detective, as it's been politely pointed out to me, but DO do a once time thorough check...He won't expect it if he's like mine, because you've always been trusting and believed him.
DO NOT contact the OW...This is not the thing to do...She might get angry and you don't need that. My story is on this forum and I have some posts on the OW forum, believe it or not! They are really compassionate and good people there and they have helped me alot in understanding the whole dynamic of the A...good luck and keep posting. It's not always easy to talk openly to your friends and family about things like this...LS is a great place to get advice...
__________________
I am not a marriage expert!
Blessings
I just have one thing to say about that "Goodbye" email.
My xMM sent me one, at his wife's insistence. Not two minutes after he emailed it to me, he called me asking me to disregard it. She had been leaning over him making him write the letter. She, in fact, TOLD him what to write. And I immediately recognized it when I read it. He didn't even have to tell me that she prompted the letter. I could tell in the writing style...
Please do not be naive. That letter that is written can mean absolutely NOTHING to the MM if he isn't repentant. It is just another way to gaslight his wife.
Coming from the xOW standpoint, I will tell you that my xMM, as late as last week, has continued emailing me and has sporatically called me and texted me. In fact, I received a Valentine email on Valentine's Day. Highly disrespectful to his wife. Too bad he can't see that...
And it has been a year since D-Day and one year since he wrote that "Goodbye" letter. And as far as his wife is concerned, he hasn't spoken to me since.
And I am not writing this in any way to hurt anyone. There is far too much hurt here already.
I just want it to be known that some of these MM say one thing to their wife and do an entirely different thing behind her back.
__________________ You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, "I've lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along." You must do the thing you think you cannot do. -Eleanor Roosevelt -
Last edited by Freedom Now; 26th February 2007 at 9:10 PM..
I just have one thing to say about that "Goodbye" email.
My xMM sent me one, at his wife's insistence. Not two minutes after he emailed it to me, he called me asking me to disregard it. She had been leaning over him making him write the letter. She, in fact, TOLD him what to write. And I immediately recognized it when I read it. He didn't even have to tell me that she prompted the letter. I could tell in the writing style...
Please do not be naive. That letter that is written can mean absolutely NOTHING to the MM if he isn't repentant. It is just another way to gaslight his wife.
Coming from the xOW standpoint, I will tell you that my xMM, as late as last week, has continued emailing me and has sporatically called me and texted me. In fact, I received a Valentine email on Valentine's Day. Highly disrespectful to his wife. Too bad he can't see that...
And it has been a year since D-Day and one year since he wrote that "Goodbye" letter. And as far as his wife is concerned, he hasn't spoken to me since.
And I am not writing this in any way to hurt anyone. There is far too much hurt here already.
I just want it to be known that some of these MM say one thing to their wife and do an entirely different thing behind her back.
absolutely..you're correct...BUT you have to start somewhere...A no contact letter in which the BS has some input is necessary for her/him to be able to even ATTEMPT to work on the M...My guess is that nine times out of ten, she can tell if something is still going on. She knows what she's looking and listening for...Also, the OW needs to know that she is THERE, doesn't like the A and is willing to fight for her H...Of course this is all a mute point if she has decided that she can't or won't continue to live under the constant stress of looking and listening. If for no other reason, the BS doesn't want others to think that she found out and did absolutely nothing to let the OW know that she disapproves! I think this is especially important if kids are involved...Later in their life, their Mom can say, yes, I knew, and I let all involved know that I disapproved...
You brought up a good point that needs to be considered, but I just wanted to say to please consider that there may be other reasons that the letter needs to be written then just the fact that the CH wants to "appease the W....
absolutely..you're correct...BUT you have to start somewhere...A no contact letter in which the BS has some input is necessary for her/him to be able to even ATTEMPT to work on the M...My guess is that nine times out of ten, she can tell if something is still going on. She knows what she's looking and listening for...Also, the OW needs to know that she is THERE, doesn't like the A and is willing to fight for her H...Of course this is all a mute point if she has decided that she can't or won't continue to live under the constant stress of looking and listening. If for no other reason, the BS doesn't want others to think that she found out and did absolutely nothing to let the OW know that she disapproves! I think this is especially important if kids are involved...Later in their life, their Mom can say, yes, I knew, and I let all involved know that I disapproved...
You brought up a good point that needs to be considered, but I just wanted to say to please consider that there may be other reasons that the letter needs to be written then just the fact that the CH wants to "appease the W....
Duly noted.
But in my case, the letter was a mockery in the purest form.
Appeasement was the name of the game with my xMM. Not all MM are the same, I realize this.
But, it is always best for the BS to keep her eyes and ears WIDE open and watch the WS very, very closely.
I'm new at this, but I need someone to talk to. My husband had been seeing this woman last year, but supposedly he broke it off. This morning, i found an email he printed from her that he received on his job. It was plain to see from her conversation that they had been arguing and she was upset that he didn't want her seeing anyone else. By the way, she's married. I have confronted her in the past and I'm not the type to catfight.
I told my husband this morning about the email and his lame response was "he hadn't read the email". What the hell does that have to do with anything? I am so frustrated with him. We have been married for 29 years, and he says that he loves me. But this greedy woman has come between us because he has let her. I want to do something, but I don't know what to do.
You love him, then fight for him. If you need to have it out with her, DO THAT. Expose the affair, tell her husband exactly what is going on. It will stop their affair, more eyes will be on them, making it harder for them to sneak around.
Your husband is a selfish a-hole and until HE feels the consquences of his actions, nothing will change. HE needs to suffer and feel remorse, he needs to show you how sorry he is, to be willing to go to marriage counselling with you. So far, from what you've said, he's done absolutely NOTHING to make things good at home with you. What a fool!!
You tell him the affair MUST end now, go to MC with you OR he can move out.
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
What should I do?
Linear Mode
