Do you think that being celibate till you marry is best and if you have had relations then to decide to hold off till you are married? Do these marriages work better?
I have a friend who went through this. The wedding night was terrible. So much more pressure is on it for the first time to be perfect when it is on your wedding day. And I mean everyone's first is atrocious. A piece of paper should not suddenly make it right for two people to have sex.
__________________
Wash me away
Clean your body of me
Erase all the memories
They will only bring us pain
you can only be celibate (living in an unmarried state) until you get married …
abstaining from sex is something that only you can decide for yourself. Some people choose not to engage in sexual relations until after marriage and learn to do just fine with that change, while others have a bad experience that doesn't improve. And still others are comfortable sampling their partner before the wedding night and are content with that. While sex is an important part of marriage, it's not the only factor that affects the success or failure of a marriage.
__________________ Where sin abounded, grace abounded all the more … (Rom 5:20)
I would never marry someone I hadn't been intimate with. I would want to know if we were sexually compatible on several levels. And there is a deep emotional intimacy that can - but does not always - develop with someone you are physically intimate with. I would want to make sure it was possible to have that level of emotional intimacy with someone before deciding to spend the rest of my life with them.
Location: In the desert. I'm a horse with no name.
Posts: 399
I think the kind of people who are likely to remain abstinate are also the kind of people who are likely to stay married no matter what happens.
ie: people who have very strongly held, conservative morals and the discipline to follow through, despite any hardship.
Personally. I'm glad my moral compass wavered a bit more. Check out how many threads in the marriage section are started by guys who don't get enough sex. It's so comon, it's almost not even worth talking about anymore... And in most cases, the longer you are married, the less sex you have.
So in my opinion: Unless you are guided by some set of rigid moral or religious beliefs, do it whenever you can, while you still can. Then one day, when your wife hasn't been in the mood for a couple weeks/ months/ years, you will at least have a few fond memories.
Do you think that being celibate till you marry is best and if you have had relations then to decide to hold off till you are married? Do these marriages work better?
I think it is best to wait until you are married to have sex. One of my reasons is for religious reason, God tells us so in His Word. My other reasons is that we are not like cars to be test driven. A couple may not be experienced on their wedding night, but you know what, practice makes perfect. They have a lifetime to perfect their lovemaking skills. Also, they won't have images and memories of having sex with other people in their minds or hearts.
What if you wait until you're married and you find out you have no sexual spark with the person you married?
A couple's sex life is always best during that first few months of a relationship. That's where the term "honeymoon period" comes from. If you don't have great sex with your partner in the first few months you are having sex, you'll never have great sex.
WHat often happens than is that a couple's sex life goes from bad or barely passable to non-existent. Then one of the partners meets someone that DO have sexual chemistry with, and they face a delemma with no good solution.
It's best to have sex with you're fiance and make sure you're compatiable sexually. This is just as important as other areas of compatibility.
My H and I dated 4 years before getting married, and we waited. That honeymoon period was not so wonderful! H did have sex with previous g/f though. I really didn't get that whole sexual chemisty stuff, and couldn't understand why people were going crazy about it.
After 18 years of M, I unfortunately met someone that I had that incredible chemistry with. I did somehow manage to resist a physical affair with him.
So in my opinion: Unless you are guided by some set of rigid moral or religious beliefs, do it whenever you can, while you still can. Then one day, when your wife hasn't been in the mood for a couple weeks/ months/ years, you will at least have a few fond memories.
Sad but true, Horse!!
I cannot even fathom risking my entire life's sexual future by waiting until marriage to "see if things works out" sexually. I am sure some do just that. I would also bet many of them have profound regrets.
Needless to say, my wife and I were certified "sexually compatible" long before wedding day.
My husband and I waited; although, he'd had one partner (ten years before me) and I'd had several partners before him (more recent).
I do think it was a mistake because we had a two-year engagement and lived together for a year, which made it strange to not have sex. Eventually the passion burned out before we had even reached our honeymoon and had sex. I wouldn't repeat that if I had a chance to do it over.
However, I think if an engagement were less than six month and the couple did not live together, it could work. You actually can know something about your sexual compatibility without having penetration. Penetration is only a small part of sexual compatibility.
Penetration is only a small part of sexual compatibility.
Quote:
Originally Posted by burning 4 revenge
I can't say I agree with this
Is your part bigger than most?
But seriously, if you long to do the person but you just haven't done it yet, that is a pretty good sign. I would think after a lot of kissing and frottage, and maybe oral sex, you could get pretty close to knowing what it would be like.
But seriously, if you long to do the person but you just haven't done it yet, that is a pretty good sign. I would think after a lot of kissing and frottage, and maybe oral sex, you could get pretty close to knowing what it would be like.
But what does "everything but penetration" accomplish? If you're abstaining for moral reasons, those same reasons also seem to forbid oral and other forms of sex. If you are going to have sex, you might as well have SEX.
But what does "everything but penetration" accomplish? If you're abstaining for moral reasons, those same reasons also seem to forbid oral and other forms of sex.
Mr. Lucky
I can see not wanting to have oral sex if you're trying to remain a virgin before marriage. But I still think one can get a general idea of attraction and compatibility through other means of bodily contact.
If the OP's values are such that she wants to remain a virgin before marriage, I'm just trying to offer up some encouragement.
Quote:
If you are going to have sex, you might as well have SEX.
No, I think there are common sense reasons she might want to distinguish between other forms of sex and penetration. The most obvious reason--in our society virginity is still defined based on whether or not you have had intercourse.
I can see not wanting to have oral sex if you're trying to remain a virgin before marriage. But I still think one can get a general idea of attraction and compatibility through other means of bodily contact.
If the OP's values are such that she wants to remain a virgin before marriage, I'm just trying to offer up some encouragement.
No, I think there are common sense reasons she might want to distinguish between other forms of sex and penetration. The most obvious reason--in our society virginity is still defined based on whether or not you have had intercourse.
sexual activity is sexual activity....... of course their are many oral whore virgins around.
Crimply sakes...... they are just body parts with pleasure receptors..... use a condom and /or reliable BC.
No way in hell would I buy a car and not test drive it....... sex is a very important part of M.
__________________ MAY THE FORK BE WITH YOU -YOU TAKE THE FUN OUT OF DYSFUNCTIONAL!
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