hello,

I was just wondering what to do. I got out of a bad relationship and now I feel ten times better about everything, but I feel like I really love the guy, but as a friend. Although I was scared to talk to him before. Now i think he hates me or still wants me in that way. i just don't know. what do you think.?

Do you think we could be good friends? I really care about him, but I don't think he is ready at all. I don't think i am too ready either. i am only 17 and so is he. Now he is really depressed, I want to help, but i think I lost that right when I broke up with him.

What do you think?

[Tony T]

Back off and have no contact with him for a while. Healing takes time.

Yes, you can be friends in the future if at that time you still have the desire. But right now, it's really best for some separation until feelings have a chance to change. You are very wise. It is not your place to help with his depression or any other aspect of his life.

At this time, the very best token of friendship you can show him is to have no communication with him whatsoever so emotional wounds are given a chance to get better.

If a friendship is meant to be, it will happen in good time...maybe six months...maybe a year or two.

hello,

I was just wondering what to do. I got out of a bad relationship and now I feel ten times better about everything, but I feel like I really love the guy, but as a friend. Although I was scared to talk to him before. Now i think he hates me or still wants me in that way. i just don't know. what do you think.? Do you think we could be good friends? I really care about him, but I don't think he is ready at all. I don't think i am too ready either. i am only 17 and so is he. Now he is really depressed, I want to help, but i think I lost that right when I broke up with him. What do you think?

Dear Da Bomb Lady...just give it some time. Everybody gets depressed when relationships don't go as planned. You never lose the right to help someone you care about. It sounds like communication is key right now, but so are boundaries, so as not to add to either of your pain. As I said, time will help alot. Maybe write him a card or letter, being very positive and up about the friendship aspect, without setting either of you up through false hopes, and tell him to take HIS time in responding, which will give him some sense of control over his emotions, maybe lessening his depression a bit, and you still get to state what you want. At some point, you still need to talk, though, if for nothing else than to give that part of things some finality, or, of course, to set some workable boundaries if you work things out and choose to continue. On the other hand, though, you're both only 17, and there's a lot to be said for chalking it up to experience and moving on...