Ok...I'm shaking as I write this. I suddenly got a feeling I should check my messages on the 02 website, so I did; and found this text message, sent at 10.45 this morning:
"Just2let u know. I want 2b with wendy but I know I havent a hope now.+yes we did sleep together. Had 2get it off my chest."
It's from my ex.
Wendy is a woman that's his age, and she and Phil made my life a misery for the first 3 months of our relationship - he was driving Wendy around all the time, running errands for her, going to meet her at weird times (like 8am) and whenver she'd phone, he'd tell me to keep quiet so she didn't hear that I was there. He swore she was just a friend, even when she stayed over at our place when I wasnt there (he said she took the bed, he had the sofa).
I believed him, and eventually he told her he couldn't contact her anymore. I actually sent her a text message once asking if anything had gone on, and she said it hadn't; that she hadn't ever cheated on anyone and wouldn't start now.
So to get this message was such a shock...I cabn't stop shaking and I have no idea if it's true or not - why is he doing this?!
Maybe because he knows I went out with a male friend on Saturday, saw me with him and I didn't speak to Phil, or just to hurt me...or is he really trying to get it off his chest?
Please help...I'm trying my best to stop myself from contacting him at the moment. Almost went running out to his place to get the full story!
Without knowing much more than what you've posted, I don't know how much of a help I'm going to be. However, you did mention that this was your ex... so why are you concerned? The relationship is over.
I understand that you probably still have feelings for this person and you feel very betrayed right now. And you should feel that way. But this person is part of your past right now. Yet he continues to hurt you. Block his number if you can. If you've been in NC, stick to the NC. Don't respond to him. Likely, the more you find out from him, the worse you will feel.
I'm sorry you're going through this right now. But now is the time to cut him out of your life completely. Good luck.
__________________
"Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something." - The Princess Bride
Why would he say he's interested in Wendy anyway? His lovelife is none of my business, he's said that himself before.
Personally I think it's because he hasn't heard from me in a few days - I went from constantly contacting him, to nothing. Plus he saw me out with another guy on Saturday and I didn't speak to my ex once.
I don't see how he could have slept with Wendy, apart from the two nights that she stayed at his place when I wasn't there - the rest of the time I was always around him; he was that possessive that I never went anywhere without him.
Pink Amulet - I see your point, but he dumped me. I'd feel better if it was the other way around.
Quote:
Without knowing much more than what you've posted, I don't know how much of a help I'm going to be. However, you did mention that this was your ex... so why are you concerned? The relationship is over.
I understand that you probably still have feelings for this person and you feel very betrayed right now. And you should feel that way. But this person is part of your past right now. Yet he continues to hurt you. Block his number if you can. If you've been in NC, stick to the NC. Don't respond to him. Likely, the more you find out from him, the worse you will feel.
My threads are all over this forum if you want to read the back story
He 'went on a break' on the 30th december but we slept together about 7 times over the next 6 weeks. He kept stringing me along; sometimes saying he still had feelings for me and sometimes he didn't.
Last time we slept together was last Sunday, so no; I'm nowhere near over him yet.
I saw him on Saturday but didn't talk to him, and I haven't contacted him since so I was wonderring why he'd suddenly send this message. No need for it really.
Last edited by alasia; 19th February 2007 at 8:29 AM.
For the first time hes having difficulty coping, hes used to you running after him no matter how he treats you. All of a sudden you aren't there and he doesnt know how to react.
RatingsGuy: " you did mention that this was your ex... so why are you concerned? The relationship is over.."
Alaisa, I agree with RG.
Focus on the *fact* that it's a *past* relationship.
Even if you find it irresistable to know more -it's almost always best to wait a l-o-o-ng time before you go back and lift up the lid to the garbage can where old relationships belong.
Put *time* and *distance* between you and the old hurts -you need strength and a more rational perspective to deal with them.
Doesn't change the fact that it could be true though - made me think of the conversations we've had over the past couple of weeks; he's kept using Wendy as a way of hurting me - so far over the past 2 weeks, he's said he made a mistake picking me over her, he got on better with her than he did me (they could talk more), I said I think he only stayed with me because Wendy didn't want him and he said "maybe you're right" and he also said he'd ask her out if he saw her again (she lives in his town and he knows where she lives and works).
But even when he was saying all that he always maintained that he'd never cheated on me and never would have done.
Until today, which makes me think it must be true.
Although...he's never felt the urge to get anything 'off his chest' before.
The thought that they'd slept togetehr just makes me feel so stupid, and kind of sick too - we were trying for a baby so weren't using protection - what if he wasn't with her either?! I could have caught anything!
I also want to say, he knows Wendy is a major sore-point for me, so this could just be his way of trying to hurt me even more. I don't think he's stoop so low as to say things that aren't true just to hurt me, though.
You are trying for a baby with someone you are broken up with and the relationship is rocky when you were together. Bring a baby into the world is difficult in the best of relationships.
As hard as it is you have to stop sleeping with him and seeing him. He still is into this other girl and it looks like it has been that way off and on your entire relationship. You have to let him go as he is using you.
Go get tested for STDs too as you have no idea what he has been doing.
I'm already pregnant; found out about 4 days after we split up.
And I'm not still seeing or sleeping with him; the last time was last Sunday but that was a mistake and now he says he never wants to see me again.
I miss him, but don't want to see him.
This is how he is reacting to you being pregnant. He does not want a child with you and he is treating you this way because he is angry because you are pregnant.
So are you prepared to be a single mom?
None of his crap matters at this point. ........ doesn't matter if he sends you a tape with him having sex with Wendy.
You have more important things to think about. Just ignore him.
I can see him down the road causing many more problems since you have a child together. Wait until he comes to visit the child and has a new gf, you have a bf....... oh the drama will escalate.
If it were me.... I would worry about my own life, get him completely out of mine and have nothing to do with him.
__________________ MAY THE FORK BE WITH YOU -Damn Panda spilled my beer again!
He had the opportunity to be involved and he told me straight out he wants nothing to do with me or the baby - but may develop feelings for the baby once it's born.
It's not happening; he's a violent-when-drunk, selfish, self-obsessed apparent cheat with ego issues. I'm not subjecting my child to that, he'd never be a proper dad to him/her so the baby is better off without him. As am I.
My pride's just a bit dented at the moment, I'll get over it.
He had the opportunity to be involved and he told me straight out he wants nothing to do with me or the baby - but may develop feelings for the baby once it's born.
It's not happening; he's a violent-when-drunk, selfish, self-obsessed apparent cheat with ego issues. I'm not subjecting my child to that, he'd never be a proper dad to him/her so the baby is better off without him. As am I.
My pride's just a bit dented at the moment, I'll get over it.
Got news if you make him pay he will be seeing that baby..... part of the control issue and also his right.
Perhaps you could get him to sign over parental rights? Not sure but if you collect a govt check/ welfare services I think they will force him to pay....if you want him to or not. (not familiar with the laws on this but I believe the state would ask for $).......
If you actually are keeping this child and he is a threat to you. Best figure out what route to take. Or not claim him as the father on paper.
why don't you move? Then move on with your life instead of dragging a child into this mess with him?
I dont want to scare you, but it's not easy as all that to stop a father from seeing their own child, even when the father is really messed up.
Therefore this is only the beginning and you will have to get used to this kind of behaviour for a long time to come. Also he would be able to see the child without you around and have some control over the childs life. You wont be able to just clean cut him out of it.
I agree with a4a that he is angry at you for being pregnant.
What were your reasons for discussing the pregnancy with him so soon? Why do you care about him sleeping with Wendy, you think he is an a**hole right? You want him out of your life right? Therefore you would be indifferent about who he slept with, in fact, you would be glad he slept with Wendy. I'm not trying to be harsh, but, until you work out your feelings about him, it ill be hard to make the clearest and best plans for you and the baby, and its best to start that sooner rather than later.
Last edited by Spinderella; 19th February 2007 at 9:54 AM.
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Are you planning to keep the baby?
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