8 years later and she still won't talk to me... is she justified?

ratingsguy · 15th February 2007, 10:31 PM

When I was in high school about 13 years ago, I fawned all over this girl. I loved her more than anything, but she was extremely shy and we were nothing more than casual friends. I asked her to the prom and she turned me down... and turned other people down, too... and decided not to go at all. I would write letters to her on a daily basis but never sent them... just keep them in a box.

We stayed in contact through college, although it was infrequent. She was in Massachusetts and I was in Pennsylvania. I was a year ahead of her, so in my senior year, I sent resumes all over New England... hoping to be closer to her. I ended up getting a job in Rhode Island. After I moved up there, we started to visit each other more and eventually started dating. It took almost 6 years from the time we first met, but she finally fell for me. I showed her the box with all the letters I wrote to her and she couldn't believe it.

Unfortunately, the feelings I once had for her were no longer there. Three months after we started dating, I broke up with her. She was devastated. I handled it as best I could for a 23 year old kid... at least I thought. One thing I remember her saying was that if I was saying goodbye, it would have to be forever... and she said that she would hold me to that. So I told her if that's how she felt about it, I suppose that's the way it would have to be. That was almost 8 years ago.

In the past couple years, I've tried to make contact again as a friend to see how she's been after all these years. I know her e-mail still works, but I have heard absolutely nothing from her. I can only conclude that she she is holding me to NC. Since this happened 8 years ago, I think it's absolutely silly that she feels she still can't speak to me. Am I wrong here? Just wondering what everyone thinks.

bubbalump · 15th February 2007, 10:53 PM

Was there any cheating involved? Was the breakup bad?

Maybe she is just a take it or leave person, all or nothing.

LaughMachine · 15th February 2007, 11:23 PM

You popping up 8 years later maybe can be too much for her to handel. Or you can always be reading in too this too much. How long has it been since she hasn't replied to you?

SassyNClassy · 15th February 2007, 11:46 PM

Well, she said she didn't want contact with you ever again. Maybe she really meant it.

I would guess she has moved on and is probably in a relationship and doesn't see the point in having a "what's new" chat with you. I mean...what is the point?

You obviously hurt her back then and she just doesn't have any interest in a friendship with you.

I'd just leave her alone if I were you.

the_total_package · 15th February 2007, 11:52 PM

I have noticed that when people email me and they are not in my address book, they sometimes get thrown into the spam. Or maybe she didn't recognize your email address and thought it was 'spam' and deleted it without reading it.
Or...it still hurts her very much to hear from you. Maybe you were the love of her life and you broke her heart and she never got over it. Or....maybe she's married and shares her email account with her husband and he deleted it? Or...she has moved on and just doesn't care to email you back, or she really, really is as truthful as she said and is sticking to NC forever. That's kind of cool if she has that kind of honesty and resolve and sticks to it!
I don't know. But.....you lost feelings for her so you might as well let it go. are you posting because it's kind of bruising your ego that she hasn't emailed back?
Have you thought of calling her?

LaughMachine · 15th February 2007, 11:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by the_total_package

I have noticed that when people email me and they are not in my address book, they sometimes get thrown into the spam. Or maybe she didn't recognize your email address and thought it was 'spam' and deleted it without reading it.
Or...it still hurts her very much to hear from you. Maybe you were the love of her life and you broke her heart and she never got over it. Or....maybe she's married and shares her email account with her husband and he deleted it? Or...she has moved on and just doesn't care to email you back, or she really, really is as truthful as she said and is sticking to NC forever. That's kind of cool if she has that kind of honesty and resolve and sticks to it!
I don't know. But.....you lost feelings for her so you might as well let it go. are you posting because it's kind of bruising your ego that she hasn't emailed back?
Have you thought of calling her?

wow with it being 8 years later, I think you could be right. Your email address might not be processed in the right category. Since It's been 8 years and all......

ratingsguy · 16th February 2007, 5:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by the_total_package

I have noticed that when people email me and they are not in my address book, they sometimes get thrown into the spam.

That's a good point. I didn't think of that. And to answer bubbalump's question, there was no cheating involved and the breakup wasn't bad (I don't think so anyway).

18th February 2007, 2:43 PM

It might just be self protection. You said that she was "devastated" when you broke up with her. Why would she want to chit chat with someone that hurt her? Even 8 years later, I would think it would always be somewhat of a sore spot for her.

I am just curious as to why your really trying to get in contact with her?
You said it was just to be friendly but its unnecessary really, so is there more to this on your part?
I would recommend that you leave her alone.