Me and my sometimes girlfriend/sometimes fiance were dating for three years. However, due to the military, we were seperated for a year. She planned to move in with me when we were I returned, but backed out at the last minute. For 11 months of the deployment we were fine, the last month she was acting a little distant and in just three weeks after returning, she broke it off. We're over 500 miles away from each other now with no plans at all to be closer- let alone live together.

That was the end of November. For two weeks I tried to win her back- in all honesty I didn't expect it was that serious, I thought she was just having cold feet. A week after that I had heard rumors about her and another guy and called her up very angry. We got in a big fight and that was that. That was 8 weeks ago.

Maybe 3 weeks later, I called her and apologized for not just believing her and leaving it at that. I told her that she was a huge part of my life over the last 3 years- the biggest- and I didn't want her to hate me or anything. That maybe we couldn't or shouldn't be friends, but to at least clear the air. I talked some smack about my Bears beating her Seahwaks. I actually called when I knew she wouldn't be available so I could just leave a message, didn't want to get into it with her at all or sound desperate or anything- of course I still miss her.

Maybe a week after that I got a text from her, very late at night, a simple "I hate you". I can only assume she was drunk at the time, and feeling emotional...either she was missing me and 'hated' how I didn't make it easy for her. Or she was really, honestly pissed, although I can't really imagine for what. It could be that I had called in some favors from mutual friends in her area to try to get scoop on her and she found out, but that would be a pretty strong response for that.

Anyway, my simple question is this: Was two weeks of arguing and/or sounding pathetic enough that I dug my own grave? Was the last time we talked, where I accused her of things that I had heard, where I'm pretty sure she realized I had been asking people near her to find out about her, the final nail in the coffin?

We had been talking marriage over the summer and even as recently as September our relationship (albeit long distance) was loving and heartfelt. October things became distant, November when we saw each other we broke up.

I know she's been seeing another guy off and on, which hurt at first, but then during the past few weeks I had been seeing someone as well, so I don't feel as 'ditched' as it were.

I don't know why I'm thinking of her so much lately, but I am, and would love to know what you guys think.

[Davis]

My first impression was when I read the part that she texted you "I hate you" was that she hates you for leaving her by getting deployed (not your fault, that's how it is in the military). That probably caused her a lot of emotional grief, thinking that you might be killed in action. I think you're in a very common situation for guys in the armed forces; you leave and everything seems fine until just after or just before you return.

Did you do anything wrong in those two weeks of arguing? I don't think so. I don't think made any difference, so stop questiong yourself. There were much deeper issues going on and she decide prior to that situation that she wanted to move on.

It's normal to still think about her, it's all part of the process. I don't know if you have interest in getting her back or not, but I would say NC is the best advice. If you stay away she may rethink her decision and if she doesn't, then you have prepared yourself to move on. Save your pride and dignity bro. Don't contact her. Good luck with the new girl.