I tend to believe that my value to others is directly linked to my accomplishments, for the time being those are mostly career related.
On the other hand, I don't link the value of my friends and family to their accomplishments, just because of who they are as people. There are some people that I love dearly that have screwed their lives up royally, but I wouldn't trade them for the world.
What do you guys think, what gives a person value in your eyes?
__________________
--Every time I close the door on reality, it comes in through the windows--
In my opinion, If you are alive or have lived... you are of Value.
That is a beautiful statement, lRB. And it's true.
I'm just getting into the section in my book "Feeling Good" about what you place value on in terms of self-worth and how that can lead to depression. lRB has healthy self-esteem, I see.
I have an unhealthy need for approval, love, achievement, and perfectionism. But I am highly self critical. I don't place these demands on anyone but myself. With others, I accept them for who they are.
__________________
I love these little people; and it is not a slight thing when they, who are so fresh from God, love us.
That is a beautiful statement, lRB. And it's true.
I'm just getting into the section in my book "Feeling Good" about what you place value on in terms of self-worth and how that can lead to depression. lRB has healthy self-esteem, I see.
I have an unhealthy need for approval, love, achievement, and perfectionism. But I am highly self critical. I don't place these demands on anyone but myself. With others, I accept them for who they are.
ok... my statement applies to everyone BUT myself.
I wish i had a healthy self esteem.... i act like it and i hope by acting like i do most of the time it will just become natural, but i struggle with being good to myself
mostly see myself in terms of how I relate to others. Which I think is a direct influence of my mom, who was very big on being proper and ladylike and kind and helpful and intrinsically good.
LOL, I missed the ladylike and proper parts by a mile, but I do strive to be the others, and that's what I look for in people, regardless of what they do or who they are. In a way, that also kind of makes it easier for me to separate the BS from the real when dealing with people.
__________________ Where sin abounded, grace abounded all the more … (Rom 5:20)
That is a beautiful statement, lRB. And it's true.
I'm just getting into the section in my book "Feeling Good" about what you place value on in terms of self-worth and how that can lead to depression. lRB has healthy self-esteem, I see.
I have an unhealthy need for approval, love, achievement, and perfectionism. But I am highly self critical. I don't place these demands on anyone but myself. With others, I accept them for who they are.
This seems exactly where I am. Maybe I'll get that book. Sounds interesting.
Sort of like, "fake it 'til you make it"? I do admire a lot of what you have to say. I wish I were able to act as confident as you do.
awe.. thanks B_O! honestly i feel the same way about you.... we are very much alike, yet different enough to learn new things, although it is almost like i know already.... maybe we were friends in a past life too?
Good question. Caring, compassion, intelligence, passion, connection, engagement and above all, lifetime membership in good standing in the human race.
__________________
"Well, I've wrestled with reality for 35 years, Doctor, and I'm happy to state I finally won out over it."
Like you, networking or career related, these people offer me an instrumental value as much as I do they.
But generally speaking, its someone with aspirations and has passion for what they do without a doubt in their mind...it doesnt matter if its sports, hobbies, work, or just bettering themselves. It doesnt matter if they failed many times before they succeeded, any passion is better than none.
Oh and especially people that dont only talk the talk, but can walk the walk.
Last edited by monkey00; 7th February 2007 at 5:44 PM..
Like you, networking or career related, these people offer me an instrumental value as much as I do they.
But generally speaking, its someone with aspirations and has passion for what they do without a doubt in their mind...it doesnt matter if its sports, hobbies, work, or just bettering themselves. It doesnt matter if they failed many times before they succeeded, any passion is better than none.
Oh and especially people that dont only talk the talk, but can walk the walk.
I guess what I mean is thinking about the people that you love or are good friends with, what is it that draws you to them. I don't mean just romantic type relationships, something more general. I guess it's open to your interpretation.
This question comes from the fact that I tend to value my accomplishments in myself and assume that that is why others like me. This has led to some serious self-esteem issues. The process of thinking about "why" I like other poeple has been an integral part of getting over these issues. It's been an interesting journey.
Bab, I understand where you're coming from. I've noticed this in myself as well, and wondered about my self-esteem because I believe my worth is defined by what I do and what I achieve, rather than in who I am.
I think it could have something to do with what your parents wanted from you growing up. Mine demanded academic achievement. I delivered. I learned through those interactions to associate my self-worth with what I did and thus, I tied approval in to my self-esteem.
Just some thoughts on your topic. It is interesting and has sparked some processing for me. Thanks.
I tend to believe that my value to others is directly linked to my accomplishments, for the time being those are mostly career related.
On the other hand, I don't link the value of my friends and family to their accomplishments, just because of who they are as people. There are some people that I love dearly that have screwed their lives up royally, but I wouldn't trade them for the world.
What do you guys think, what gives a person value in your eyes?
Wow, very good question.
It depends on alot for me. The way they live, the decisions that they have made, the way that they treat others, the question of do they give as much as they have received in life.
__________________
Minds are like parachutes......they only work when open.
Bab, I understand where you're coming from. I've noticed this in myself as well, and wondered about my self-esteem because I believe my worth is defined by what I do and what I achieve, rather than in who I am.
I think it could have something to do with what your parents wanted from you growing up. Mine demanded academic achievement. I delivered. I learned through those interactions to associate my self-worth with what I did and thus, I tied approval in to my self-esteem.
Just some thoughts on your topic. It is interesting and has sparked some processing for me. Thanks.
do i even need to say Ditto B_O's post for me?
the thing is.... i did all that, but i never felt it did any good anyways, i made 99% in my AP classes on report cards, or 100's.... but i do not remember the 100% for the quarter, because i am still fixated on what a loser i was for only getting a 99%. i can look back now and think, hmm.. a 99% in an AP math, science or history class.... That is freekin' awesome! especially because of all the crap i was dealing with too, like depression, an eating disorder......
i do not think i will ever value myself like i should, i still don't. but i am getting better at it.
in the past year i have stood up for myself in a lot of ways, but i am not totally great. i like to think i will get close though.
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